Doing Things Differently

#79 - Action... Action... But No Satisfaction?

2009-05-26T04:24:00.001-07:00

This blog post can be found at You Inspire Me.

All future blog posts will be published at this address; the title of this blog is now:

The World Needs Your Passion

Subscribe to The World Needs Your Passion via the sign-up box on the website to receive future blog posts direct to your inbox.

I look forward to staying connected.

Warm wishes
Corrina Gordon-Barnes

#78 - Press My Button

2009-05-12T05:23:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a weak spot. Mine? Things breaking.

When a piece of equipment fails or some software doesn't work properly, a button of mine gets pressed. Some old pattern of not feeling safe in the world gets triggered and I utterly freak out. I have tears, I punch pillows, I tell the world how much I hate it and that I don't want to have anything to do with it if it's all going to be so unreliable.

It's irrational, it's out of character and I'm almost reluctant to share it - but I'm doing so because I know that we all have our own triggers. One close friend has dyscalculia; figuring out train times, dates and logistics sends her in to a cold sweat. Some of us dread the dentist, others find it hard to be around food; some shake at the thought of speaking in public, others throw wobblies when choosing what to wear; some of us become different versions of ourselves around authority figures and others of us can't bear criticism and failure.

When our buttons get pressed, here are some options....

#1 Avoid
Ever notice that desire to evacuate... from yourself? When something breaks, I can go into "I cannot deal with this" mode and shut down or disengage in order to protect myself. Others of us - to use the examples above - will avoid meal times, giving talks or travelling.

#2 Delegate
This option is expected in most organisations and it's important to remember that finding our own path doesn't mean we have to do everything ourselves. There are certain emails or pieces of paperwork which I simply forward to my web developer or my accountant. Conversely, I'm happy doing activities which others feel less comfortable with, like giving talks or sitting with with someone who's crying in total despair. What are we comfortable with that others aren't? This can be a great clue, revealing to us our niche a.k.a. where we're most needed.

#3 Turn The Light On
This option is about recognising that often the monster under the bed is scary only because it's the unknown. I can avoid and delegate all I like but sometimes I'm going to be home alone when a circuit blows and I need to know what to do with that fuse box. It takes a deep breath and a swallow of pride. I need to allow myself to be incompetent and vulnerable and say: "I find this hard. Help me learn" if I am committed to moving forward in an empowered way.

The world needs your passion, so...

1) Without judging, scan your life to see: What are your buttons? What triggers your fear, your discomfort, your desire to run and hide? What overwhelms you so much that you short-circuit? What could someone say or do that would spin you off track for the whole rest of the day? What brings you out in a cold sweat? Take a deep breath and just look.

2) Assess how you currently deal with these situations by reading back over the three options I highlight. Do you avoid or reactively delegate? What would be your version of getting up close and personal with that fuse box?

3) Leave a comment, letting us know how you deal with your trigger points....

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** Does failure trigger you? **
When you fail at something, do you come up against a default mantra like "I'm no good" or "I should give up"? Or do you attempt to avoid the experience in the first place by sticking with seemingly 'safe' paths?

It's important that we 'catch' this mantra, examine it and then ask ourselves: Is this what I choose?

If your current mantra on failing isn't working for you, grab the final place on the Fail Is NOT A Four Letter Word workshop on Sat 20th June in London. Click here for more information and to book that place.

#77 - It's Not About Me

2009-04-27T01:55:00.000-07:00

"At school, certain kids were being labelled as 'disruptive' or 'low achievers'. Then we created a farm. Suddenly, these tough kids with harsh backgrounds were going gooey over the rabbits. It was the first time some of them had ever cuddled anything. They were people, not labels. That's when it started for me."

Jane Tewson is the pioneering imagination behind Comic Relief, PilotLight & Timebank. We'd met at the Chain Reaction event (see my earlier post) and I asked for her words of wisdom: What would she say to other women who had ideas that could make a real difference in the world, but were blocked from seeing them into action?

Her perspective is that our focus needs to be over there on those we want to help. "People sit back and say 'I'd love to help'. I say, if you have an idea, just get in there. Go and test it out. If you want to work with homeless people, find out about a charity, visit the night hostel, learn more about the area. Talk to people, listen to what they need. Once you do that, you can't not follow your passion".

She finds her way through blocks that many of us would stumble over because of this focus. She's also an advocate of acknowledging what you're not so suited for. "The reason I do the work I do is that I learnt very early on that I'm not made of the stuff you need to work directly with people who are suffering. I do the second best - which is supporting those people who are made of that stuff."

I tell her she makes it sound so easy. "You have to find where you are most able to use who you are. I recognise that I'm not very good at very much. I'm shy, I'm not good with numbers or writing or speaking. I'm not actually that clever or talented. At school, I really lacked confidence because of my dyslexia. As I've got older, I've got much more honest about that. What I am good at is being a catalyst. I have an idea, I think about all the people you need to get a campaign off the ground and I get us all together in a room to brainstorm. My role is to inspire people and help them feel confident about the idea. More and more, people just come and say, 'I want to work with you'. I've been overwhelmed by that."

As we find and follow our passion, what would it be like to make it less about us? Imagine if we could all put ourselves fully in service, warts and all, knowing that we aren't brilliant at everything, that we won't always be successful, but that we will act anyway because something other than us compels us to do so. Each of us carries ideas and gifts which others need. It is our duty and our honour to put them into action, into reality.

Do Things Differently
1) What's it really about? Your dream, that nagging ambition that won't go away.... Imagine that the idea is not yours, not for you, but that you are just a vehicle for it. Who are you carrying the idea for? Action: Make a list of the people your idea would help and commit to speaking with some of them about what they need and how you can help. (Some would call this 'market research')

2) What are the strengths that you currently have which you can rely on to help you turn this idea into reality? What are the areas you need to seek the help of others? Who could you enlist? Action: Contact them to ask for what you need.

3) Leave a comment here on this blog, letting us know what it's like to see yourself as carrying an idea which is for others, what it's like to put your focus on others, and what it's like to enlist the help of others...

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** Ready to make the difference you're here to make?**
If you're blocked by fear of failure, it's not just you who's missing out. Your project could be helping others... and that means you need to risk the highs and lows, the successes AND the failures. Ready? Join the Fail Is NOT A Four Letter Word workshop. Only 4 days left at the early-bird price so if you know you're ready to drop the baggage and put yourself in service, do book now.

#76 - Change One Thing

2009-04-13T02:11:00.001-07:00

We used to sleep in the loft. The previous owners had it converted into a beautiful bedroom space that many our visitors have made appreciative noises about. However, the designers neglected to include heating so for four years we shivered through cold winter nights. This week we finally admitted that much as we'd tried, it just wasn't working for us. It was time for a change, time to take ownership so we pulled the bed apart and moved it down to the first floor. Other rooms had to be gutted and rearranged to compensate which was hard work but very much worth it. Our primary goal has been attained - we're cosier and more comfortable - and there have been extra benefits too. We want to invite people round more, it's better for our relationship, and I've got a more organised office space.The house just makes more sense this way round, with rooms having more appropriate roles, and we've felt much more inclined to tidy and clean (I've turned into a super-proud domestic goddess, in fact).

Change isn't always easy, pleasant or beautiful. Sometimes we have to create a mess before we get things in order. If you'd taken a snapshot of us trying to squeeze the mattress down our spiralling staircase or the two of us attempting a four-burly-men reassembly job, then you'd have thought we were worse off than if we'd still been in that cold bedroom. My clients experience this too. Sometimes they risk a change and things don't go brilliantly at first: a new kind of work is far more exhausting than the previous one, they take brave moves and others don't respond well or they sell their house and the eco-community they dreamed of finding doesn't emerge.

This is why it's so important to remember that finding and following our passion is a journey. There will be wrong turns... and also right turns which go up hills before we can sail down the other side. There may be chaos initially and things can look worse before they get better. This is why I love the metaphor of a sliding puzzle which you'll see as the image above. The picture could look 90% right but if we want the picture to be complete, something has to give. We have to change some thing, make the move and risk dismantling and rearranging if we want to really go for what we want.

Do Things Differently

What one thing could you change? What could be reallocated or rearranged to get things moving in the direction you want? For example, reallocating ten minutes of your day to meditation or planning, asking to reduce your employed hours to four days a week or turning the corner of a room into a mini home office. Make a list of options and then do one. What happens when you change one thing? Let us know....

** Want to change something... but scared of failing? ** Every time we change something, there's a chance we'll fail. How are you with that possibility? For many of us, failing is not an option we embrace and so we stay stuck, not taking that risk. The impact? Stagnation, abandoned projects, bottom line = not achieving what we want to achieve or being as happy or fulfilled as we know we can be.

Click here to find out more about a workshop that will change this for you. NB The early-bird deadline of 30th April is getting closer so if you'd like to join us, save £10 by booking in the next couple of weeks.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009.

#75 - Spirit of Competition

2009-03-31T06:01:00.000-07:00

I used to believe I wasn't competitive. Growing up, my three siblings would race to play Monopoly; I would groan and drag myself over to join them. I dropped out of swimming lessons as a child because I hated how geared they were towards racing, and I dreaded Sports Day. So I was overjoyed to find, through my involvement with the sustainability movement, that there was support for this position. I would often encounter polarised, black and white lists which laid out: old paradigm = competition, new paradigm = co-operation. I felt such relief to be on the side where competition was no longer relevant.

And then I won the Ooffoo Laureate 2008 award. Throughout the process - entering, promoting the competition, waiting to hear - I've found myself having to think anew about how I feel about competition. How could I square my lifelong disdain of competition with how delighted I was to be involved, and then to have won?

I wondered this aloud and my partner, a teacher, gave me an alternative perspective whereby co-operation and competition happily co-exist. Her students enter a nationwide competition, submitting creative work which represents their personal response to a philosophical question. The project spans a number of weeks, during which time the students support and bounce ideas off each other in order to improve their work. Even though their work ultimately will be judged against each other, they don't seem to feel any need to hoard or conceal their ideas.

In this example, I see the true spirit of competition. I see how crucial the set up of the task is - how my partner emphasises the process, not the winning; how the experience is presented not as a cut-throat venture with just one prize to aim for, but rather one that they can share and enjoy with their classmates. I also see a pervasive trust in the uniqueness of each individual and their ideas. It reminds me of a jigsaw. When we seek to put pieces in position, we're not assessing which ones are 'better' than others, we're simply noticing the right fit for the right gap.

I've been wondering: did I make up this story that I hated competition.... because I was a bad loser? My siblings always beat me at Monopoly, my short-sight meant I couldn't see where I was going in the swimming races, and I was a slow runner. Had I shied away from competition because I hadn't always succeeded?

We need to investigate the stories we tell ourselves about what losing, failure and rejection mean. As we compete for jobs, contracts, prizes or places on training courses, there will be those instances where we fit... and those where we do not. Our role, then, is to put ourselves out there, to play the game. By doing so, we're not asking: "Am I worthy? Am I a good person? Am I valid and allowed to be on this Earth?" We're simply stating: "I'm here. Am I needed for this?" Competition can be uplifting and part of what moves us forward IF losing is just as valid and bearable an outcome as winning. As long as we ensure that losing won't destroy us, I'm coming to believe that competition has its place.

Do Things Differently

1) Inquiry: How healthy is your relationship with competition? What story do you tell yourself when you win, and what story do you tell yourself when you lose?

2) Action: Scan your To Do list for those actions which always seem to get put aside. Would they involve competing in some way? If they do and you notice that your perspective on losing, failing or rejection is what's keeping you stuck, take action to get a new perspective on these possibilities [see below for my upcoming workshop].

3) Comment on this post, letting us know how you perceive competition and how that perspective helps or hinders you. Also, what do YOU think about the place of competition in a sustainable society?

** Workshop: Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word **
Are you a bad loser? Do you hold back because the idea of failure is horrific? If seeing life in terms of success or failure is stopping you from playing the game and claiming your place, join us for the Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop on Sat 20th June. There are three place left and the early-bird price ends on 30th April.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

change of pace & special announcement

2009-03-23T01:34:00.000-07:00

This Doing Things Differently blog is shifting to fortnightly as I dedicate time to creating content for my new website.

There's no blog post this week but instead I am delighted to announce that my article, The World Needs Your Passion, has won the Ooffoo Laureate 2008 award. Thank you SO much to those of you who voted and to those of you who have sent me messages letting me know the impact of this piece on you.

Click here to read the full article and the judges' feedback. You can also get a feel for what Ooffoo is all about and enjoy other fantastic pieces of writing.

See you back here next week when I'll be exploring: What place is there for competition in a sustainable society?

#74 - Age of Genius

2009-03-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDDE8JUm9jA

How often have you contemplated the extinction of the human species? I hadn't, until I watched The Age of Stupid last year (see trailer above). The premise of the film is that it's 2055 and we humans have made our planet uninhabitable through our climate-changing activity. The film premiered this weekend in London in true walk-the-talk fashion: solar-powered projection, pedal-powered popcorn maker and celebs arriving on bikes or by tube.

When I first watched the film, I felt total despair. It's like receiving news that you have a terminal illness... and that the entire human family has it too. It is so important that we give ourselves space to feel the enormity and potential tragedy of the situation AND that our feelings can be channelled into impassioned action. It's perfect, then, that this film is now launched in conjunction with the Not Stupid campaign, aiming to turn 250 million passive viewers into climate change activists in time for the all-critical Copenhagen Climate Conference later this year.

What is it to be an activist? Well, writer/director Franny Armstrong and her crew made this film. A client of mine joined her local carbon reduction group the day after seeing the film. Many of us will vote with our feet by marching on 28th March and 5th December. The President of the Maldives has announced his nation's commitment to becoming carbon-neutral in the next ten years. Actor Pete Postlethwaite has pledged that if the Kingsnorth dirty coal power station is commissioned, he will give back his OBE and ask the Queen to dissolve this present parliament. We are all finding our role, our Contribution Footprint as I call it, and I am privileged enough to work with individuals who take that journey.

We need nothing less than a revolution, nothing less than a miracle. The good news? We're fully capable of that. Our history books have told us about human potential and reminded us never to underestimate the significance of the one and the power of the many. We have had many dress rehearsals for the revolution now needed. Let us not limit our imagination; let us change our climate to one of individual empowerment and collective solution-creation.

My perspective is that we are now entering the Age of Genius - a time in which we are engaged, empowered and uplifted, connected to our community and confident about what we have to offer. I don't believe we are stupid. I don't believe that when we really see what is happening, we would choose to make a collective suicide pact. I believe that after millennia of societal evolution, this is our opportunity to be what we've deep down hoped we are: Genius.

Do Things Differently

1) This week, enjoy being part of a revolution; get aware and get active. As Franny Armstrong, writer/director of the film says, it's not about 'the one thing I can do', it's about doing everything we can. Watch Age of Stupid this weekend, watch the clips from the premiere on YouTube, join the Not Stupid campaign and check out what Stop Climate Chaos are up to. Find ways of politically engaging by connecting with your MP, signing petitions, marching or joining a local group.

2) Notice what emotions and 'stories' arise within you - "One person can't make a difference" "What do I have to offer?" "I'm a nobody compared with all these people". Or maybe "It's all their fault" "This is a fight" or "How can I live with my guilt?" Notice, give space and decide what you want to do with this internal monologue.

3) Here are a few other options to throw into the mix. A couple of films on my radar: Fuel and The Next Industrial Revolution. We also have Earth Hour coming up on Sat 28th March and finally, if you'd like 100% renewable electricity, sign up to Good Energy, quoting GEP0071 when asked how you heard.

4) Join the discussion here. Seen the film? What were your thoughts/feelings? Don't want to see it? What are your reasons? I'd love to hear....

** Are you desperate to make your contribution to this Age of Genius, but notice fear of failure holding you back? Perhaps it manifests in procrastination or disengagement? Time to address this very common block. New date for Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop: Saturday 20th June 09, Euston, London, 10am - 4pm. For more information and to book, click here. **

#73 - Think For Yourself

2009-03-10T08:21:00.001-07:00

It's not often I criticise but for the sake of Doing Things Differently, I want to share an experience which shook me this weekend.

I went to a talk by a highly articulate, charming and entertaining speaker. The topic was exactly my field of interest, his words were beautiful and I made copious notes. His core message made sense to me... and yet I also felt a nagging unease. It later became apparent that his governing agenda was to sign people up to become members of his global networking 'nation' which would cost a few thousand pounds. I happily pay to be affiliated with wonderful organisations so this wasn't the problem. No - here's what bothered me....

The more he talked, the smaller I felt. His promise was that if I joined his organisation, I would feel big, important and connected. If I joined his team, I'd be 'in', if I didn't, I was 'out'. His talk was about a more equitable world and yet when I looked for evidence of him walking the talk, I couldn't find it. His air miles, his choice of breakfast provision and large corporate hotel venue did not reflect the sustainable future to which he was referring. I tried to ask a question during his presentation, but I was ignored amid all the cheering, whooping, "Yes!" shouting and raised hands he was encouraging. I went over to speak one-to-one with him twice. He was like plastic. He wouldn't hold my eye contact and seemed entirely uninterested by me and my desire to connect. He didn't hear my acknowledgement and he batted away my questions.

I actually cried when I'd got far enough away from the venue to take a breath. I realised the feeling I had was of being violated - taken away from my own truth and whipped up into a 'bigger, faster, better' frenzy, so far from the message he ostensibly was conveying. Beautifully juxtaposed was what happened next. I hopped on a bus and asked the driver whether he went to Angel tube station; he looked at me with a smile and said, "YOU'RE an angel". I glowed for the next half hour. That's my compass - how I feel when one-to-one with a person and how I'm left feeling afterwards. A true leader is one where you come away feeling inspired to find YOUR way, YOUR possibilities. Where you feel big enough to lead, not scared enough to follow.

I've had my beloved grandmother staying with me the last few days and I am always fascinated by her tales of growing up as a Jewish girl under Nazi oppression. Perhaps I get so passionate about this topic because I still cannot understand the herd mentality which allowed such atrocities to take place. In a time of fear and uncertainty, charismatic leaders undoubtedly emerge, promising us wealth, safety and freedom - IF we go their way. We must keep thinking for ourselves. Healthy criticism and discernment are imperative. When a new idea comes our way, let us chew it. See how it tastes, see how we feel. Only then, let's decide if we want to swallow.

[And please chew, taste and feel THAT suggestion before even thinking about swallowing.....]

Do Things Differently
1) Inquiry: What is everyone jumping on board about... but something in you tells you otherwise? What would you have to do if you let yourself trust those instincts?
2) Action: Next time you hear a broadcast, read an article or blog post (yes, including mine!), engage head and heart fully and feel whether this is true for you. How do you know? How do you use your body, your instincts and your rational brain to decide? How do you ensure fear isn't speaking, or your Saboteur? What's your compass? Challenge: Be bold enough to say when you don't feel aligned with someone's message. Speak out in a crowd if no-one is questioning the status quo. Dare to do things differently, for the sake of freedom of thought.
3) Leave a comment here, letting us know your take on thinking for yourself. Refreshing? Challenging? Have you needed to be brave, put your neck on the line, stand out from the crowd or lose friends? Have you gained new respect, realised others thought the same, or felt more fulfilled because you were living your truth? Let us know....

Ooh - and do look closely at the picture. Herd mentality.....? :)

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

#72 - Food For Thought

2009-03-02T09:55:00.000-08:00

I've just watched the most amazing BBC documentary, A Farm For The Future. It's available to watch on iPlayer until 14th March and I'd highly recommend it (with thanks to Maddy Harland, editor of Permaculture Magazine, who alerted me to this must-see).

In the documentary, Rebecca Hosking takes a thorough and honest look at our food chain and how the end of cheap, abundant oil will affect what we eat. Her explorations take her to peak oil experts, a Soil Association conference, and permaculture-designed small-holdings.

I found it very accessible because she doesn't set out to preach or convert. In fact, it's a tale of her conversion. She's a very regular woman coming from a family of farmers and yet doesn't cling stubbornly to 'the way things are done'. Instead, she's willing to look anew and investigate her (our) inherited assumptions about how we feed ourselves. She acknowledges with deep respect and gratitude what her family have passed on to her AND is brave and humble enough to explore doing things differently. She doesn't know if alternative ways of managing her land will work but she recognises that the current way is unsustainable and so other options must be found.

As she takes in the alarming facts and statistics about our imported food and fossil-fuel-dependent system, we can see her fear and yet rather than going into denial - as we all so easily could - she keeps her eyes open so that she can find genuine solutions.

Here is a living, breathing example for all of us of how to compassionately challenge the status quo in the area of life most close to our hearts. Whether it be food production, medicine, or our education, housing or transport systems, the message is: Another way is possible. It might take courage and hard work but perhaps what's at stake makes it worth it.

Do Things Differently
1) Inquiry: What's the area you're most passionate about? What other ways are possible there?
2) Action: What's one step you could take to find new solutions for this area? Is it getting together with like-minded people or doing research? Or is there a big project you're just on the verge of starting already? Take a deep breath, gather your courage, and just get started. Let the passionate urgency of Rebecca's work inspire you.
3) Inquiry: Where in your life do you need to swallow your pride, acknowledge that things aren't working, and go back to the drawing board or seek support?

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** What's it like to have a goal you're passionate about, but keep feeling it slip away from you? How important does it feel to see it through this time? Jump on to the New Way Resolutions e-course. At £7.50, this offers a super-affordable way of staying focused on what you want to achieve. Click here to read how the e-course works, how it has helped others and subscribe now to join the March 2009 course. No more excuses. Resolutions are not just for January 1st. **

#71 - Staying Slow In The Fast Lane

2009-02-24T12:33:00.000-08:00

I'm giving up speed for Lent. It's losing its appeal. More and more, I'm experiencing the benefits of slowing down and creating space for breath, for inspiration.

I came back to my emails after a gloriously relaxing and nurturing week away with a commitment to process them fully. I am allowing myself time to engage fully with the person and ideas behind the words, instead of feeling I have to frantically catch up.

Then my pace changed. In the last couple of days, I've received three HUGE and fantastic pieces of news (I'll reveal all soon!) and the latest, this morning, just sent me buzzing with excitement. After a good amount of running around and squealing with joy, I sat down to write this blog post. Adrenalin was rushing round and my mind created ten possible drafts in as many minutes and promptly discarded them all. My pace was too hectic; it wasn't comfortable.

Later, as I walked in the beautiful Botanic Gardens, I realised that one of my Saboteur's most cunning strategies is to wind me up so fast that I start stumbling and no longer hear that quiet, still, secure inner voice - that part of me which breathes in excitement, which basks, floats and savours.

This week, I've also received emails from several of my clients sharing their big news. Outer achievements such as an album launch and a TV interview, inner shifts such as relationship breakthroughs and realisations about their evolving Contribution Footprint™. It's been a total pleasure to really 'meet' each one - to slow down, sink deeply into that encounter and respond from my heart.

My speedy Saboteur loves to tell me that life is a race and the faster I go, the safer I am. In calmness and steadiness, I can see that my inner voice is continually wanting to lead me and I feel so much more secure listening to and following that. I am making a resolution to go a new way. Old Saboteur with his rollercoastering and brake screeching can't compete when I remember I get to choose my pace.

Do Things Differently
1) Right in this moment, what pace are you moving at - internally and externally? Speed up 10% for a few minutes and then slow down 10% for another few minutes to get a sense of where you are on the full spectrum of possibilities. Which animal, vehicle or aspect of nature is your pace like? How does this current pace serve you? What does it make possible and what does it hinder?

2) Let us know whether you're someone who could do with a jump-start and acceleration or whether you need to take a breather and move slower. I'd love to get a sense from these blog comments of what the most common challenges are - and what speed settings YOU might like to give up for Lent! And if you're craving more slow, take the opportunity of this moment to do that right now: re-read this blog post at a languid tortoise pace and notice what's different.

3) Resolving to pursue a new way is often a process of forward-movement and slip-backs, rather than a done-and-dusted one-off event. Let my New Way Resolution e-course support you through that process for a whole month for just £7.50. Click here to read how the e-course has helped others and subscribe by next Monday to join the March course.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

#70 - Give Me A Journey

2009-02-10T03:02:00.000-08:00

I have been immersed in workshops this weekend. I ran my full-day Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word on Saturday and then threw myself into the experience of Katie Rose's Singing The Song That We Are on Sunday. Both were gloriously full with eager participants, despite the snow and distance they had to travel.

Many of us have been to workshops which engaged only our brains. We've sat with paper and pen, talked through relatively superficial questions, and left without knowing each others' names. When I go to a workshop, I want to be taken on a journey. I want to go from somewhere to somewhere and I want to trust the workshop facilitator to be my guide. I want them to have a map, but not grip on to it too firmly. Katie did this beautifully. There was a flow from one exercise to the next and my whole body was involved through sound, movement, words, drama and more. She stood back and allowed us to explore and then stepped in with her exquisite intuition to nudge us towards new places to look. I left the day with so much serenity, humming contentedly to myself all the way home.

When I go on these journeys, I also want to feel like others are there with me - that's we're seeing each other and being seen. I am always blown away by how my fear-of-failure-busting gang connects and supports each other. This group shared hugs and tears, acknowledgements and whoops of celebration. They've all swapped emails and are already continuing their conversations. In fact, a couple of them have suggested that they have a six month reunion - and this is a group who spent just six hours with each other.

It is a precious honour to be trusted to guide people through a learning journey and this weekend I've been reminded of how equally wonderful it is to find someone, such as Katie, who can do that for me. It's a true skill to create a space safe enough for a group of strangers to explore an issue such as fear of failure, resistance, self-doubt, and insecurities. After my workshop, one of the more apprehensive participants said to me: "It was amazing how quickly and easily I could open up to people I didn't know. I realised that we were all in the same boat so no-one was judging anyone else". If as a workshop facilitator you can set up the expectation of openness and model vulnerability, something sacred is created. It's a container which allows people to let go and go deep. They can cry and sing and shout - as they did this weekend! - and actually move through a block, rather than merely thinking about it.

Do Things Differently
1) What kind of journey do you already take others on? Fear to freedom? Stress to calm? Overwhelm to simplicity? Unfitness to health? What do you do naturally, just because of who you are? - and are there ways in which you could package this and actually offer that journey as a 1-1 or group process?
2) What journey are you ready for? Where do you want to go from and to? Who can be your guide?
3) Check out Katie's website, The Rose Window, for her full moon chanting, workshops & upcoming second album launch.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** There's no Doing Things Differently next week so here's a challenge... If YOU were writing this blog, what would you write about? Where are you noticing yourself doing - or wanting to do - things differently? How could your experiences help others in finding new pathways? **

** Fail workshop coming to London.... June 2009, date and venue tbc. Book early to avoid disappointment**

#69 - Out Of The Extra-Ordinary

2009-02-02T03:25:00.000-08:00

Today in Cambridge, my neighbourhood is at its most beautiful. Covered in powdery snow, the landscape exudes a regal calm. I've been out for several walks and whoops, the cold air waking me up to the magnificence of being alive. I've chatted with neighbours I've never seen before and laughed with kids throwing snow-balls. There's a real feeling of community here as the extra-ordinariness of today takes us out of our houses and jobs and into our streets. We've been given the chance to see the familiar anew.

For some, weather like this is inconvenient at best, dangerous at worst. I'm under no illusions that snow is pure magic. If you're dependent on help arriving at your door or need to get somewhere urgently, this is no fun and my heart goes out to you. For many of us, though, we can seize today as a chance to get off the treadmill, postpone till tomorrow, grab our friends, family, partner and colleagues and reconnect, rest, energise and reflect. We can take time out of the ordinary to enjoy the full potential of the extra-ordinary.

At its very least, this weather reminds us of how beholden we are to nature, to our climate. We are not in control, no matter how much we pretend to be. The huge snowflakes blowing in my face this morning said loud and clear: Sometimes you have to receive and adapt. We must be open to negotiating new ways of living. When the bus doesn't run, the car's snowed under or the school's shut down, we create new options - for one day, maybe for more. When we allow ourselves to detach from business as usual, we find different - sometimes preferable - ways of living in these times.

Sometimes our world does things differently - and we just get to follow...

Do Things Differently
1) Inquiry: How do I respond when the extra-ordinary happens, when 'business as usual' is not possible?
2) Inquiry: Where in my life am I trying to fight to re-establish business as usual when I could let go and trust that another way is possible? Which of life's circumstances could I receive and adapt to?
3) For goodness sake, get out there! In the UK as in other parts of the world, this snow is so rare and so precious. Let's get wet, get dirty, take the risk of saying hello to people, swing out.
4) Please feel free to comment on this post, letting us know about your laughter and learnings on this snow day.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** Does fear of failing keep you plodding on with business as usual, even though you're longing for the extra-ordinary? **
My Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop this Saturday only has ONE place left and I may have a taker so instead of promoting that, I'm including a link to an 'expression of interest' form. This means you'll be first to hear about future workshops, 1-1 coaching & e-products to support you with breaking free from this discomfort.
Click here to let me know you'd like to be free from fear of failure sometime soon!

#68 - Throw Out The Baby

2009-01-27T00:48:00.000-08:00

Change is afoot at You Inspire Me. Behind the scenes, my website is in revamp, automated systems are being put in place, and I'm growing a team - all of which will allow me to communicate my work more easily and give me more time to develop and deliver services I love.

And as I've been putting these new plans and procedures in place, my Saboteur has been having a field day. [Saboteur = that part of us which wants to keep things as they are, not rock the boat, and therefore sabotage any forward movement]. His stance is that change is a bad thing and he drags me down, telling me that these changes must mean that everything I've done before has failed, been wrong. He would love to convince me it's all too much, to throw out the baby with the bath water. When he's in charge, I feel wobbly, even despairing. Thankfully, over the years I've become intimately acquainted with his strategies and when he allows me a moment to breathe, I can eventually shake him off and put ME back in control.

Anyone else recognise that feeling?

Just as you often feel clearer after a cold has passed, so too with the banishment of good old Sab. I feel refreshed and stronger now, like something stagnant and toxic has been washed out of my system. Without the distorted vision he gives me, I can now see that it's time for celebration. I am standing clearly in the acknowledgement that I run a rapidly-evolving business and it's time to hire people and put robust systems in place for the next phase. I've seen too many amazing businesses fail because they weren't functioning as businesses. They positioned themselves as community services and didn't take that leap into solid professionalism.

Just as Obama's inauguration speech focused on the dawning of responsible maturity, so too for me it is time to put off any childish, amateurish ways. You'll soon see a cleaned up website, fully hosted under my own domain name; a request for you to opt-in to a new email list; automation of e-courses & digital product delivery; sexy incorporation of audio and video; and perhaps even a few new names and faces as the You Inspire Me team.

Yes - You Inspire Me just grew up.

Do Things Differently
1) What does YOUR Saboteur have to say about you making changes, growing up, evolving? How do you ensure you move forward anyway?
2) Inquiry: What do I need to give myself permission to do?
3) Action: Take the next step forward, noticing and bypassing your Saboteur's efforts to stop you.
4) Share your comments on this blog post.

** I was interviewed about one of my favourite topics, Fear of Failure. Listen here today only - it's up on the radio archives for one more day, after which we're looking to upload an mp3 version to my website. If you know that fear of failure blocks YOU from moving forward, commit to change that today. Join our workshop on Sat 7th February in Cambridge - full details here **

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

#67 - We The People

2009-01-19T08:09:00.000-08:00

Little things can change the world. A simple 20 minute film is doing just that: The Story of Stuff. The story of stuff is the story of us. It explains why we came - by design - to be related to so heavily as consumers, and it explains why we have forgotten how valuable we inherently are.

If you've read my article, The World Needs Your Passion, you'll know that this premise is at the very core of what I do and I have been delighted to see such synergy in Annie's approach and my own. We share an insatiable passion for people, and for the planet upon which our survival is dependent. We believe in human potential - that we are all walking, talking, breathing solutions, and that we don't need anyone other than who we have right now to bring forth what is required. We share a conviction that we need to look somewhere other than the work-spend-shop cycle for our sense of value and purpose.

We both recognise that our current set-up wastes people and communities (at best) and destroys them (at worst) - all because we are putting 'stuff' above principles such as equality, health, earth stewardship and justice. There's also a tremendous amount of excitement as we see people uniting to reclaim communities and means of production. I am continually inspired, at the moment more than ever, by being connected with so many inspirational people and projects. Every day, I get to work with women who dare to hope that their passion is of value to the world and who are brave enough to overcome the obstacles which would otherwise prevent them from following it. All around me, I see engaged, proactive citizens taking small steps which make a big difference.

If you're inspired by The Story of Stuff, click here to see Annie speak further about this project and its global impact. [With thanks to Mark D for directing me this way].

Do Things Differently
1) Consider: What does your identity as 'consumer' feel like? How - and how often - are you related to in this way? What are your consumption habits? How much of this enriches and nourishes you? How much of it connects you with others and their passions? What's next for you in this area?
2) Consider: What does your identity as 'citizen' feel like? How - and how often - do you engage in this way? What do you contribute as a citizen, and what do you receive? What's next for you in this area?
3) This week, become acutely aware of your relationship with the 'golden arrow' that Annie describes. As you read news articles, participate in conversations, and sell or buy services/products - where is that 'golden arrow' in the equation? If it's not there, what's there instead? What do you notice about our system, and about the importance of your place within it?

** Come and hear me speak about 'The World Needs Your Passion'. It's the first time I'm turning the core message of my article (and my work generally) into a talk and I'm nervous and excited! Tues 27th January, 7.30pm, Cambridge, UK. See here for more details.

#66 - Easy Does It

2009-01-12T04:57:00.000-08:00

One morning, I woke up at 7am with an article in my head. It was a bundle of words and phrases, it had a tone and a voice. I got up and wrote it out in less than an hour. It was the easiest thing I've ever written.

I popped it up on a blog, then Permaculture Magazine picked it up and published it back in July 08, and that led to a Canadian textbook buying reprint rights, as well as an extract being featured in Earth Pathways Diary 2010 and it being requested by an on-line magazine called Celsias.

So many people have said it has inspired them to find work that fulfils them, or it was the wake-up call they were waiting for. I write about finding and making our Contribution Footprint, our way of making a difference in the world.

Now a friend has suggested I enter the Oofoo Laureate competition - which I have! I haven't read the other entries yet - my guess is there could be some other fantastic ones in there - so make yourself a cuppa, have a browse, get inspired - and perhaps even vote for mine? :-) It's called The World Needs Your Passion and you vote simply with a tick.

The website link is above - look for the 'Vote now' bit in the competitions, or use this link to jump straight to the articles: http://tinyurl.com/9jakac

Thanks and happy reading!

Do Things Differently
I decided to make today's blog super easy for me. I've recycled a note I wrote on Facebook and have done without a photo. I'm continually learning that there's only so much I'm in charge of - I don't have to make everything perfect, triple-checked, all-singing all-dancing for it have impact. Let me know the impact of this easy approach for you by posting a comment on this blog.

An inquiry for you: Where could you make life WAY easier for yourself today? And what will you do with all that extra time and energy?!

#65 - Right Footing

2009-01-05T07:59:00.000-08:00

We have a number of New Year traditions. From my partner's grandparents, we've inherited and modified a version of 'first footing'. Just after midnight, Sam leaves the house as the old year, carrying away anything we want to let go of AND our appreciation for all that is to be celebrated. She then returns as the new year and is welcomed in holding three objects to represent fuel, food and wealth. We like to ensure it's eco-fuel - 2008 was a solar lamp, 2009 an energy-saving light bulb... We then go out into our neighbourhood to wish everyone a magical year ahead.

We also spend a day on what we call Reflection and Intention. We go back through last year's calendar, plucking out the gifts. The challenges with all their learning and the strength we developed to deal with them; our achievements and how we celebrated them; and the heart-warming surprises and little kind touches which made the year what it was. We make lists and gather photos. We treasure the chance to do this and are horrified to think that these precious memories might otherwise get lost. We then decide what ingredients we want to ensure are present in the new year and put the list on a wall as a reminder of what our priorities are.

I love this time of year because the air is always buzzing with hope and possibilities - and I love it because that's what I want for every day. Greeting people and wishing them health and happiness, prosperity, dreams come true; having encounters which start off on the right footing - Good morning, Namaste, Aloha.

Several of my clients have a value called 'day one', 'fresh start', 'blank page' or a variation on that theme. Just as we are continually given new mornings, so do we always hold the power to change the course of our life in any moment. Whether at the level of thought, word or deed, if we catch ourselves engaged in something which doesn't align with our values or vision for who we want to be, we can in that moment choose differently.

That's why I call them New Way Resolutions because the opportunity to find a new way exists in every moment that we decide to be at choice in our lives. There is a band of inspirational women, committed to steering their lives, who subscribed to the New Way Resolution e-course and received their first issue this morning. I'm so looking forward to hearing from them how the step-by-step process, over the month, supports them in making meaningful shifts in their lives.

When my partner and I got married, we entered through two archways, met in the middle, and then walked down a few steps together. We practised that walk several times and when we watch the video of the day, we see ourselves grinning as we hold hands and focus on walking in step.

As this new year stands open before us with its abundant possibilities, what are we holding hands with? What are we ensuring our steps are aligned with? How will we set our intentions, decide our course?

Doing Things Differently
1. What are your New Year traditions? How do you - or how do you want to - seize this opportunity for reflection and intention? If you need inspiration, you might like to ask your family for their traditions, or search on-line. Squeeze one or two in at the start of this year and calendar them in for the next.
2. Ask: What are my priorities for 2009? What key ingredients do I intend to focus on?
3. If there were a newspaper headline for this year, what would it be?
4. Share on this blog your nuggets from 2008 and your vision for 2009.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** Ready to get unstuck? Want to escape the grip of procrastination?**
It could be fear of failure that's holding you back. Start 2009 on the right footing with the Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop.
The Early Bird price ends this Saturday (9th Jan) so book now and enjoy a £10 discount**

** Grab 2009 and start doing things differently **
This is your last chance to join the merry group of committed women who started today on their New Way Resolutions journey. Click here for more details and book YOUR journey - only £7.50. **

#64 - In The Detail

2008-12-29T06:13:00.000-08:00

I'm in the middle of the longest Christmas I have ever known. Two family visits, a two-day extravaganza with my partner, and there are still days with family and friends to come. I am floating in absolute abundance and finding ways of appreciating it all.

There were twelve of us for my family Christmas and my beloved sister had the inspired idea of us all doing Secret Santa. Instead of the normal "she's a girl, she can have bubble bath" and "he's a teacher, he can have some red pens", we had to really engage with this person we were assigned. We knew that we had the sole responsibility for what they would receive which seemed to encourage us to zone in, cut the trimmings, and get them gifts we knew spoke to their core. We had a budget which meant love, attention and human creativity became the key resources. Many presents were home-made, including the one I received: a photo-slideshow and video, put to music, which had clearly taken hours of time, thought and skill. We sat together in a circle in the evening, the lights dimmed, as we all focused on each person in turn. There have never been so many smiles.

Then, my partner's family Christmas. Between us, we'd gratefully received hundreds of cards... and then the cards had gone up onto windowsills, become part of the background, soon to be recycled. My new tradition has become to make gift tags out of them. The hot tip for this is to find the smallest area of interest. As I zone in on the detail of each card, I'm amazed by the talent that has gone in to each one. The process of tagging pulls me in to the font, the palate, the use of glitter, ribbon or layering, the texture of each card. All this would have been lost to me if I didn't zone in, get close, really see what is there in front of me.

Most of us reading this live with incomprehensible abundance. Yet I suspect we often go blank to it because our brains try to take it all in at once and fail, leaving us thinking we don't have enough. When we zone in on the detail, we have less to appreciate, and so paradoxically appreciate more.

Here's a new motto for 2009: Slow down. Zoom in. Engage. So much is in the detail.

Wishing you a most joyful leap in to this new year. May it be all that you yearn for... and more.
C

Do Things Differently
1) Make a list of all the little things you appreciate about 2008. You might like to post to a blog like this one -
http://marionryan.typepad.com/appreciate2008/2008/11/what-do-i-want-you-to-do.html
- and remember to duplicate your comments here so Doing Things Differently readers can celebrate with you.
2) Go for a walk in nature and notice the detail with all your senses. The patterns of the frost on berries, the feel of the cold air on your cheek.
3) Make a big deal of a little thing. Thank someone for their otherwise negligible act of kindness.
4) Play with the power of one. Choose one pen, one CD, one pair of socks, one friend. Focus on just that, as if zoning in on a grain of sand, rather than trying to take in a whole beach. What changes?

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes

** Want to kick off the new year with some New Way Resolutions? This is an 8-part e-course which guides you through an effective process for making a shift in the new year. First issue out a week today, make a commitment to yourself to start as you mean to go on. Click here for more details and to book your copy - only £7.50. **

#63 - In The Darkness

2008-12-22T09:45:00.001-08:00

This weekend was the darkest time of our year. Daylight was in short supply and it felt like happiness was too. Several of my loved ones are having a hard time at the moment. One friend is struggling with depression, another is recovering from a serious medical condition, a beloved family member hit "rock bottom". Facebook statuses seemed to be full of illness, sadness and ennui. The news as ever was full of doom and gloom and in my coaching work, I listened to clients dealing with deep loneliness, chronic lack of self-belief, frustration, despair and painful self-sabotage. The overwhelming feeling I had was that people are finding life hard right now.

Against this backdrop, a few relatively small challenges in my own life knocked me off balance. I watched a new video on peak oil which reiterated the severity of the challenges ahead with the billions of human lives that will be lost if we don't act with urgency. I heard back from the London Paper that they weren't going to run with my idea for a regular column and then three strangers unsubscribed from my ezine. The little self-doubting voice in my head put the two together and said: "People are suffering and maybe you've got nothing of value to offer them".

We all have crises of belief - whether in ourselves or the world. There are times when it all feels very scary, when life feels like the enemy. Depression has been familiar to me and to many of my loved ones. It is for these reasons that yesterday was so significant. The winter solstice is the darkest we go, the least light we have. It offers us a metaphor for how far we can go into the darkness before things start to turn around.

Because, of course, winter solstice is simultaneously the signal of the returning light. The promise of the dawn. Its message is that in the very darkest darkness, there is a glimmer of hope. It's understandable that early Christians chose this time of year to celebrate the birth of Jesus; this was the time of year already associated with the unconquerable light, a vitality that can never be destroyed, hope resurrecting when it feels like none is left.

Just as light returns to darkness, so acts of kindness bring light when we're feeling down or alone. For me, friends who'd spotted the London Paper 'rejection' sent heart-warming messages of encouragement; some beautiful people have signed up to receive my New Way Resolutions e-course, excited to have that support, and one added a message: "Yay for Corrina. In gratitude for sharing your passion". It's so beautiful when we reach out to acknowledge each other, even with only a handful of words.

In this dark time of year, may we all remember to reach out for others, reach out to others, and to be loving comforts for ourselves. May we know the importance of kindness and never underestimate the impact of a thoughtful word or generous deed. May we recognise how cold our world can be and commit to being a source of warmth. As Plato said, "Be kind... for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle".

May your holidays be full of peace, full of joy, and full of love.
Corrina

Do Things Differently
1) Take a walk in the fresh winter air and ask yourself: When there is despair, what is my hope?
2) Light a candle and reflect: In the darkness, what is my light?
3) What could you say, be or do today that would bring hope, light and warmth to another? Do it.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

New Way Resolutions... Time to make that change? An 8-part e-course delivered directly to your in-box, £7.50. See my website for details. ** Special Offer ** I would love to input subscribers' details before these Christmas holidays and so if you are ready to book your copy before 5pm Tuesday 23rd December, you are eligible to receive a free report, Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word: How reluctance to fail makes change hard - and what you can do about it. Simply book your copy of the e-course by tomorrow and receive this extra helping hand with making real change happen.

#62 - Light Up The Night

2008-12-15T03:32:00.000-08:00

Something happened in 2008 which I continue to cry about. Even writing this blog post this morning, I'm sat here sobbing.

The issue is the passing of Proposition 8, an amendment to the Californian State Constitution to eliminate the rights of same-sex couples who want to marry. It's covered beautifully in this article by Brian Normoyle who informs us that this is the first time in America that an existing civil right has been taken away from a group of citizens and asks the (frightening) question: whose rights are next?

I've spent hours on YouTube watching footage relating to this issue, reading discussion boards, talking with my friends about this. What strikes me strongest is the immense outpouring of love which surrounds the Vote No To 8 campaign. Candlelit vigils, families protesting peacefully in the streets, posters which read: Love is the way. In this movement, I see people uniting together in love, regardless of sexual orientation, to stand up for the basic human right of being accepted for who we are.

I remember trying to find a Valentine's Day card the first year I was with Sam. I scanned the shelves and all I could see were men and women, male bears and female bears. Having spent the rest of my young adult life in relationships with men, I suddenly realised that it was different now - that there was a huge gap in how your love was received by the world, dependent purely on the gender of the person you fall in love with.

A few months later, I started working for a Cambridge organisation which provided support for young people who are lesbian, gay and bisexual. I encountered a community of inspirational teenagers who were climbing gently out into the light, done with hiding and self-loathing. I saw their struggles - with their schools, their families, their friends; I witnessed the bravery and strength it took them to say: "This is who I am". My work was sacred to me because it was about helping young people have an easier time of being themselves. It was about supporting them in finding profound self-acceptance that wouldn't be shaken by an often hateful world. Some of those young people were at our wedding in July. I don't think we can underestimate the impact of them seeing first-hand a love that they identify with being supported and acknowledged by friends, by family and by the law of this country.

On December 20th, there will be candlelit vigils across America (and beyond) to recognise the rights of same-sex couples who married and to look forward to the day when those rights will be available again for everyone. This time of year, whether you look at pagan or Christian origins, has always been about the unconquerable light in the darkness. As activist Anne Lamott writes: "Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come."

I see a dawn where people hear this message, from others' hearts to theirs:
You are okay. Your heart is true. You can follow it. We will support you in that.

Love is the way. Light up the night.

Do Things Differently
1) What do you want to join with others about? What is the issue of 2008 which touched your heart? What do you feel passionately about, what stirs you and motivates you to spread the word or do things differently?
2) Find out more about Proposition 8 if it's news to you. How do you feel about this issue? What does that tell you about what you value? And what do you want to do, to honour those values more completely?
3) On 20th December, light a candle to commemorate a human right that you hold to be sacred - either one which is now accepted, or one which is not yet granted to all people.

Extra - a beautiful song in response to the issue: United We Love

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes

#61 - Tighten Our Belts

2008-12-08T04:15:00.000-08:00

I was the columnist in The London Paper last week, suggesting that the recession is a good thing. Readers vote on whether they want more of you... and 96% did. I also had many comments calling this point of view "refreshing" and "inspiring". In this, I hear a whispered hope for a move away from 'business as usual' to a more enjoyable and equitable way of running our economy.

At its best, this shake-up wake-up call will prompt us to re-prioritise and re-allocate resources. It will make us more aware of where we use money as an excuse to see ourselves as separate from others. Instead of this isolation, we will find ways of leaning in to human energy as our most precious resource and recognise our interdependence.

A great example of this is Liftshare - an organisation that works to bring about sustainable change by encouraging individuals to do things together. There are now 290,000+ people registered and several inspirational stories have emerged.

Sandra from Clacton-on-Sea started car-sharing as a way of saving petrol and impact on the environment and found that "two people who led separate lives have now become great friends, with all the benefits and opportunities that new friendships offer". They socialise regularly, found they had tons in common, and get to chat, laugh and sing along to 60s and 70s music on the way to and from work.

Similarly with Emma from Swindon, her initial motivations were financial and environmental and says "I have benefited in ways I never imagined, including socially. The company is great, we share ideas, and we exchange knowledge about the local area - where the best markets are, what's on at the theatre. As I know we have to rely on each other at a particular time of day, I'm much more efficient at work. I can no longer stay late to get things finished so I don't faff about any more, I just get it done.

And there are wider community benefits, as Clare from Herefordshire describes: "We also pick up and drop off a regular prescription for a friend who has retired and finds it difficult to get to the doctors".

With lifshare, we see the Triple Bottom Line of a solid, sustainable venture - intending to bring about economic, environmental and societal/inter-personal benefits through its activities. As we tighten our belts and make changes economically, perhaps we'll also tighten our belts as a community, finding afresh how fulfilling it is to need each other.

Do Things Differently
1) If you had one tenth of your current income, what would you do differently? Make a list. Then assess: in what ways would any of this be preferable? What could you gain as side-effects of these changes? Plato said "Necessity is the mother of invention". In which ways would your decreased income increase your creativity and innovation?
2) Now return to your current level of income - but keep those new ways in place. What would you do with all that extra money?? Which deeply fulfilling lifestyle benefits would all that abundance bring you?

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

NB The London Paper asked: "Can we build a fairer economy?" If you have something to say on the matter, email your thoughts to: talk@thelondonpaper.com And as always, I love to read your comments on this blog so do leave them here!

#60 - Power Of Community

2008-12-01T01:08:00.000-08:00

I went to Tesco this morning. It's a rare occurrence but I wanted stamps and they're the nearest place open in the early hours.

As I walked over, the sun was rising and the birds were singing. I felt connected to my environment and as I approached the giant superstore, I had a flash of vision of it being something else. Instead of the concrete car-park, I saw community allotments. The trolley shelters were replaced by storage sheds for gardening tools. I heard children laughing in a playground and saw elders nattering away on benches, playing cards and watching the world go by. Inside the store, I pictured a bustling market place where people traded their wares and gossiped. Also inside were different zones - for example, one for live performances where a student band could play, or a solo performer pick up her guitar. Instead of scheduled, imported entertainment, this was spontaneous and continuous - sometimes music, sometimes comedy, always local. In place of all the advertising billboards, I saw noticeboards holding poems, announcements, requests for lift-shares. I saw a community centre - one where I felt I belonged and which was based on reciprocity and connection. Owned by and for the people in that area, to develop in whichever way they saw fit.

I didn't buy stamps. The Tesco kiosk department had lost their keys to the till. I waited 15 minutes as the team debated amongst themselves - someone else's fault, someone else's money, someone else's store.

Last week, here in Cambridge, we had a public screening of the film documentary The Power Of Community: How Cuba Survived Peak Oil. This depicts a society which is forced to adapt its infrastructure when it can no longer rely on a constant supply of oil and food. It gives a case study of how people change, re-prioritise and re-allocate their resources in order to feed, house, educate and entertain themselves. I had the honour of introducing this film, hosted by Transition Cambridge. The event was a complete sell-out - we were moved to a bigger screen and even then a hundred people were turned away. I looked out at the sea of 150 expectant faces and saw a community of people choosing to come together to be inspired. In the Q&A session at the end, we all witnessed a cinema full of expertise, with people reflecting on how peak oil will affect Cambridge - offering practical solutions, committing to taking action.

At the moment, the piece of land near my house is host to a Tesco store because that's what the community wants. We are the community and the power is with us. If we wanted it to be used for another purpose, we could choose that. I wonder what we would choose.

Do Things Differently
1) This week, notice what sense of community you have. Is there somewhere particular where people gather? How large or small do you feel your own community to be?
2) Put your attention on your local High Street or a particular building. If you believed your community were really able to have ownership of that, what would you love it to be like?
3) Ask your neighbours or whoever you feel in community with - what would they like to see? Notice where you have a shared vision and start a conversation about what the first steps could be.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

#59 - Selling Away Dreams

2008-11-24T01:53:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was invited back to my old secondary school. It's been over a decade since I left yet walking the corridors still evoked powerful emotions. The pride of achievement, a deep loneliness, the sparkle of mischief.

I wasn't there to talk about the rollercoaster of teen life, however. I was there to speak at their Careers Convention about enterprise - or more specifically, How To Start A Business By Accident. I had a scheduled speaking slot and also a consultation table where a short queue developed. Students and their parents sat down expectantly, wondering what this world of enterprise might hold for them.

One story in particular had a big impact on me. A mother and daughter joined me and I asked the girl, "So, what are you interested in?" She looked down and shrugged nervously, "I don't know". It was quite late in the evening and she'd clearly been to table after table, gathering information on careers in engineering, accountancy, law etc. I ascertained that she was in Year 8 (a.k.a 12 or 13 years old) and so qualified the question with a smile: "I don't mean what you're interested in later, I mean now." She still looked bewildered until her mum whispered to her: "You like dancing, don't you?" Suddenly, the girl lit up. "Wow!" I said. "What do you love about dancing?" A different person answered me - a lively, confident, excited young woman who seemed energised just by the thought of being on stage. "It sounds like you feel at home there", I said. She nodded enthusiastically. Whereas before she'd avoided eye contact, she now couldn't take her eyes off me. Her mum looked a little anxious and informed me: "Yes, but I've told her it's a very competitive field and she should pursue something else as a career and do dancing as a hobby". The girl's head fell again and she nodded compliantly.

Why? Why do we sell our dreams away so easily? The sadness I feel at a story like this is my constant inspiration to keep doing what I do. Any time someone calls me 'naive' or an 'idealist', I tell them of the so many people I know who are fully living their dreams. Whose passions got them through the challenges of competition, whose drive kept them going through any obstacles in their way. This is realism and it's time teenagers - and indeed all of us - really get that life is just too short to do anything other than what brings us fully alive.

People aren't meant to know at age 12 or 13 what they want to do for a career. They are meant to have their passions nurtured, they are meant to feel that they are valid, important, significant human beings - right now, as they are in these moments. They are meant to be encouraged to fill their lives with as much joy as possible, trusting that the path of their heart will continually lead them through a fulfilling life. They are certainly not meant to sell their dreams away before they've even fully formed.

This is the perspective I offered that girl and her mum - who herself had spent the last 30 years doing work she didn't care about. I hope it awakened something in them both.

And yes, if you're wondering - that photo is me at age 13.

Do Things Differently
1) Connect with the 13 year old you. What did you dream of? What could you spend hours and hours engrossed in? Where or what felt most like 'home'?
2) What happened to those dreams? Were they supported, strengthened and explored? Did they die of their own accord, replaced by more powerful dreams? Or were they sold away?
3) Give your 13 year old self an hour to do what she wants. Does she play guitar, help at an animal sanctuary, develop a computer programme? Given that your adult self could now turn your passions into the basis for work, what of your working life might you like to do differently?
4) Extra: You might like to listen to Pink's Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

* * Just a few days until the launch of my A Business Called You workshop. You can listen to a very short description of this here:

If your 13 year old self would like to join us in exploring the dream of having your own business, leave your email here and the booking administrator will contact you to reserve your place. Do leave your details even if you can't make this Saturday and I will let you know when it runs again * *

#58 - Connect, Collaborate, Commit

2008-11-18T01:27:00.001-08:00

This is Global Entrepreneurship Week and to mark its start, I volunteered at the first day of Chain Reaction, an event which saw 700 people gather to explore how entrepreneurship can be a source of social good.

There was a variety of inspirational speakers including Tim Smit of the Eden Project, Sophi Tranchell of Divine Chocolate, and Eugenie Harvey of We Are What We Do. My greatest surprise of the day was the closing remarks made by Prime Minister Gordon Brown. His focus was on the economy but not the all-too-familiar message of "this is just a downturn, we'll be back to big, strong, lean and mean again soon" of which many politicians and business people are trying to persuade us. Instead, he acknowledged the economic crisis as one and the same as our resource crisis, emphasised the 'climate change imperative' and urged the importance of investing in renewable energy and agriculture. He described these times as experiencing the birth pangs intrinsic to us becoming a global community and as such that they alert us to the need for transition phases.

In many ways, the general thrust of the day was similar to the approach taken by Rob Hopkins, instigator of the Transition Movement - that we are entering transition years and that the innovation, ingenuity and entrepreneurial spirit which got us in to this situation can now be re-harnessed and directed towards finding solutions to the world's needs.

As I left the conference and spotted in the newspaper that more City jobs are being cut, I had a vision of those thousands of people moving not from employment to unemployment, but to enterprise. A move away from complacent expectation that someone else will employ us as a cog in some wheel.... to a belief that we can have great ideas, gather with others to turn them into reality, and effect social change through doing so.

It feels like time to get excited. There's the sense of a new model of business emerging. It's not the old way where business is set up purely for the sake of profit with the directors perhaps developing a conscience later in life, creating philanthropic foundations to offset the damage their enterprise has done. The new model is that enterprise itself is a vehicle for answering society's needs.

The win-win-win nature of this transaction continually inspires me. I spoke to two women at the conference who were feeling increasingly frustrated as the day went on. They were hearing about all these inspirational projects yet feeling that their own gifts were being wasted, their potential not fulfilled. I hear this so frequently when interviewing women for my Inspirational 100 project - the pain of that gap between what you could be doing, and what you are doing. One of the women started crying as she told me that in her previous decade of working life she felt that she had added no value. She knew that she could give, and that she WAS, more than that. It reiterated to me this great human need for personal fulfilment through fulfilling our own potential - and that one way of doing this is by fulfilling a need in the world through enterprise.

Do Things Differently
1) Inquiry: What is the most entrepreneurial thing I have ever done? What was it like to match my strengths/interests with a need in the world?
2) Inquiry: If starting a business were the only way to effect social change, what need would I want to meet and how could a business model serve that need?
3) If there were no time to waste and you were really needed right now, what would be your next action step? Get whatever support you need to make it. * *

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

NEW!! - A Business Called You. Workshop - 29th November 2008, Cambridgeshire. This is the very exciting launch of a new workshop designed for anyone who is considering starting their own entrepreneurial venture. Devised and facilitated by me and hosted by Swavesey Village College at Community Education rates, this is a FANTASTIC opportunity to attend a super-affordable, high-impact workshop and get you moving on that entrepreneurial path. For more information, visit my website and then leave your details so I can forward them to the college's booking office. * *

#57 - Your Slice Of The World

2008-11-10T01:02:00.001-08:00

Where were you when you heard that Obama would be the next American president? I was in bed, it was 6am, and I got a text from my dad with lots of exclamation marks. I almost cried with joy, as I know many did do. On Facebook, my friends' statuses were jubilant, my clients that day had renewed vigour, women at the gym were beaming. It was literally as if the air had changed, the atmosphere had a different smell, the whole world was a different colour.

As far as I saw it, this wasn't about a man of mixed-race who represented triumph at the end of a long, hard civil rights battle. I'm not naive enough to believe that all divisions and inequalities had dissolved. Obama is still a middle-class, Christian, heterosexual male and as such has more demographically in common with George Bush than with me. The day he was elected was also the day Californians voted against same-sex marriage.

No, what is new and refreshing and inspirational is this man's ability to hold a vision and expand it to an ever-increasing slice of the world. To touch more and more people with his realistic idealism, his genuinely-believed "Anything is possible" ideology, his focus on peace, democracy and earth stewardship. He stands in his role as a true leader, someone you can believe in and trust in. How he speaks - no notes, so relaxed, so in his body - inspired me to buy a book on Transformational Speaking, so hungry was I to learn what he does so seemingly effortlessly.

My client summed it up beautifully, saying: "I feel now we can shake off the cynicism". For a while now, my friend and I have had a familiar faithful conversation where we bemoan the lack of true leaders in the world. Now, we don't get to play so passive any more. Obama shows that we need to throw away the excuses and say "Yes we can" - and then get on and do it.

If we want leaders like Obama, we need to support them, vote for them, become them. There is no shortage of brilliant, inspirational people in our world. Let's just make sure they know how significant they are and play the roles they are here to play.

Do Things Differently
1) Make a list of ten people, alive today, who give you hope, who inspire you, who you're happy to have in charge of their slice of the world, no matter how big or small that piece is. Alongside their name, identify why it matters that they play that role.
2) Share this with each of them - alert that person to their own significance. They might not have a clue. Also, find a way of supporting them.
3) Scan the list you made in the first section and notice which values popped up repeatedly. Allow yourself to realise what's most important/significant for you - this might help you with the next step...
4) Finally, identify which slice of life you are currently responsible for. How are you doing? What's next for YOU as a leader in this area? (Hint: It's probably a step that feels scary) Do it! :-)

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

#56 - Crash Boom

2008-11-03T06:50:00.000-08:00

I've been keeping a fascinated eye on the emerging changes in our global monetary system and when I hear that phrase, 'economic crisis', I picture this....

Meet Economy. He's the star of his time. He appears to be thriving to the outside world - growing ever more successful, beaming ever more brightly. Yet, if we look carefully, behind him there trails a foul smell and a dark shadow. Still he keeps going, until something inside starts malfunctioning. Something starts hurting. Reluctantly, he goes to the doctor who tells him that the years of self-deception and neglect have taken their toll and his health is in crisis. It is, in fact, life-threatening.

What does Economy do? If he has any sense, he stops, sits down, and looks with great honesty at his lifestyle. He uses this crisis as a chance to assess what's working and what's not and to give himself a fresh start, built on different foundations.

If WE look with honesty, we can see that our economic system hasn't been working. It's been eating up resources and changing our climate. Money, which was created as a means by which we could fairly share our skills and produce, is now often used as an excuse to do the opposite. Our perpetual-growth model makes little sense when we live on a planet of finite natural resources.

So, Economy has been none-too-healthy and needs to make some deep, far-reaching changes - and how about us?

Well, we've been seduced. Our economic set-up has tempted us away from our passion. We've made Faustian bargains, having been promised: "Do this job that's mindless, boring, stressful and pointless... and I'll give you security now and forever more". We work and work, waiting for pay-day or pension-day or holidays, believing in that bargain. Yet once we start to catch a glimmer of the possibility that we've been selling our soul to an entity which can't be trusted, what happens to that faith?

I know that people hire me as their coach because they're seeking faith in something new. They're fed up with wasting their lives and getting nothing reliable in return. They want to turn their inspirational ideas into reality and all the messages which say they should plod on and consume and earn their 9-5 wage to keep the cogs a-turning just aren't believable any more.

Maybe as the system falls, we'll all make new deals. Maybe we'll make deals with our planet, which really would always be there for us if we cared for, respected and attended to it. Maybe we'll make deals with ourselves, with our health, with others, and with those we love the most. Maybe we'll really hear that the world needs our passion, and needs it now.

Do Things Differently
This week, make a list of the deals you've made in relation to the economic set-up. What have you sold your soul for? What have you received, or what are you hoping to receive - as compensation? What's the deal with your bank? - what specifically do they do with the money you deposit with them for safe-keeping? If you don't know, ask them. What's the deal with your employer, your customers, your colleagues? Now, decide what deals you want to make. What do you want money to be for? What do you want to work for? What do you want to invest your time and energy in? What do you want to receive in return?

Finally, let us know of any inspirational finance systems you've come across. I've been a long-term investor with Triodos Bank who continue to give me hope in a resilient, sustainable banking model. I also enjoy using my local LETS scheme. I invite you to share your favourites with us here.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

#55 - Making Meaning

2008-10-27T15:51:00.000-07:00

Our car broke down on the way to our family holiday. I’m not a great fan of driving, get scared when mechanical things break, and so freaked out somewhat. We had a boot full of stuff, a brother waiting en-route for a pick-up, and I found myself having a good desperate cry.

Then in to my mind, came a question: What do I want this to mean? I’d heard this question from a fellow coach who used it to find meaning in a personal tragedy. With regards this relatively insignificant event, it flipped a switch in my mind immediately. It changed the direction of my thoughts, reminding me that we get to choose the meaning we assign to any event.

Opening to that question turned the experience in to an adventure. Coming out of my closed, anxious state, I went and spoke to the manager of the petrol station; his name was Star and he was, helping push our car to the side of the forecourt and offering us free tea and coffee with a warm smile. We had brief, friendly connections withother drivers who pulled alongside us, asking if we needed help.

I was nervous as I phoned our breakdown recovery service as we'd recently switched from a more well-known provider. We chose the ETA (Environmental Transport Association) because they campaign for sustainable transport, promote car-free days, and extol the benefits of cycling... but when it came to the crunch, how would they fare on the service that we were actually paying for?

Well... the recovery vehicle was with us in 40 minutes (much quicker than the last organisation). The mechanic, Shaun, was extremely helpful and patient, talking us through the process, giving us options, allowing us as much time as we needed to weigh up costs and make our decision. He was passionate about his work and was able to fix the car so that we could continue our journey. He even phoned a few hours later to check everything was still okay.

By the time we were on the road again, we were even cheerier than we'd been at the start of the journey, full of respect for good people doing good work. The choice was to see this occurrence as an opportunity to connect with people we wouldn't normally be in contact with and acknowledge them for their superlative work. It became a chance to experience first-hand whether our ethical breakdown cover was any good in practice, which has given me the opportunity to promote it here to hundreds of people. It was also a timely reminder that we are always meaning-makers, not the passive victims of life's circumstances.

Do Things Differently

This week, catch yourself responding to challenges. Notice your default - the stories you tell yourself about what's happening, and then interrupt yourself with this question: What do I want this to mean? No matter how big or small the challenge, decide what interpretation you want to give it. Notice what it’s like to consciously choose your perspective and therefore the response you have – both in how you feel and the actions you take.

** Choosing the meaning you assign to events is an integral part of the one-to-one coaching journey. To find out what difference this could make to you, simply register for a free consultation **

If you join the ETA and quote my membership number - -10208853 - you'll receive 3 months breakdown cover for free. You'll be helping fund ETA's sustainable travel campaigning as well as funding projects such as re-planting rainforests & providing energy-saving lightbulbs to small communities in the developing world. Call now 0800 212 810 or visit www.eta.co.uk

#54 - Space To Connect

2008-10-20T05:10:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I assisted with the first module of the Coach Training Institute programme. I've assisted a dozen times, in addition to participating in these modules myself, and was as ever inspired to witness a group of complete strangers connect within the first twenty minutes of knowing each other. There's something about the masterful design of this course which cuts straight to the heart of who we are and forms that deep bond.

Similarly, this weekend I ran my Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop with a small group of gorgeous people. Again, I saw that same connection formed. The diversity is huge - some are parents, some are teenagers; some are in relationships, some are not; some run their own businesses, some are employed, some are students, some are retired. The range of age, gender, sexuality, family situation, career choice, wealth and geographical location is wide. And yet as soon as you start asking questions such as: What are you scared of? What are your dreams? we find ourselves on common ground. Yes, the differences are still there - we fear different things, we yearn for different things. Yet we all dream and we are all blocked by something.

The more I run workshops, the more I know that it's not the specific exercises or me as a facilitator that the participants are learning from. It's the SPACE which these 'particles' make possible which allows the meaningful conversations and insights. The magic is happening where human beings hear each other, see each other, and feel seen and heard and understood in return.

I've always sought out these spaces, where people can connect at a level where things matter most. When I lived in London, I went regularly to Alternatives and loved the opening exercise where we were invited to talk to the person either side of us, finding out who they were and why they were there. I've been dancing the Five Rhythms for several years, feeling so at home in that space where words are not needed and we can connect through our energy and communicate through our bodies. I love spaces which are created to connect with the seasons and the moon's cycles, like Katie Rose's Full Moon chanting groups.

These meetings and connections are so precious and so needed. Let's support, welcome, and create more of these spaces.

Do Things Differently
This week, seek out spaces where you can connect. What qualities make these spaces possible? What are your favourites - do they involve words, sound, movement? Are they in-person or virtual? Notice where you feel most at home, most seen, most alive. Comment here to share them with us. AND... create your own! How do YOU create a space which allows people to connect? You might throw a pot-luck dinner to celebrate the harvest - have people connect from their hunger and their satisfaction. You might invite a few people to form an intimate discussion group where 'dark and scary' topics can be spoken about (link in to Hallowe'en?) What do people need and want to connect about? How can you help them? Notice where your abilities meet others' needs.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes

** Next date for my Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop: Sat 7th February 2009. Booking now open If you're interested in being part of this and can't make 7th Feb, just drop me a line and I'll let you know when the next date is released. **

#53 - Get Into Pairs

2008-10-13T04:40:00.000-07:00

I'm delighted to be showcasing one of my favourite ever ventures: Morsbags. The story is - an inspirational young woman named Claire Morsman realised the devastating impact of plastic bags on marine animals. Rather than starting a campaign to stop people using plastic bags, she decided to create an alternative and came up with 'social guerilla bagging'. This involves groups of people getting together with a few sewing machines to turn recycled material into beautiful, useful bags and then distributing these outside supermarkets etc. Not only has she created a proactive solution to a problem, she's inspired people to connect and get creative - and ultimately become more alive and involved in their world.

I first made a bag at an event several months ago where Claire was guiding people through the process. I can't tell you how proud I am of that bag - if you see me in person, ask me to show it to you as I carry it everywhere I go. Apparently that one bag will save me using about 80 plastic bags and it's immensely satisfying to refuse a bag and put shopping in my home-made one instead. We managed to acquire a sewing machine via my father-in-law's colleague, my grandma visited to teach me how to use the machine, and then a friend and I got together to start a little creative pod here in Cambridge.

On her website, Claire has paired up a Sad Fact (over 1 million plastic bags are consumed per minute globally) with a Happy Fact (making morsbags will help immediately). We can see this problem/solution match being true for so many aspects of this venture:

Sad fact: Old sewing machines are sitting around gathering dust
Happy fact: This project is inspiring new generations to learn old skills and perhaps reconnect with our society's elders

Sad fact: People feel isolated
Happy fact: This is an excuse to get together with existing friends, make new friends and feel part of a community

Sad fact: People feel bored and sit in front of the TV all evening
Happy fact: Here's a way of spending time creatively, doing something enjoyable and unusual

Sad fact: People feel useless and unimportant
Happy fact: We can start seeing ourselves as needed, useful, able to make a difference

With this kind of inspirational project, we are powerfully matching up needs and solutions. This is what any business venture is meant to be about - using our genius to come up with win-win ways forward. Rather than simply 'what does the world need?' and 'how do we NEED to solve it?' - let's ask: What does the world need and how would I LOVE to offer a solution?

Do Things Differently
List the things that you feel most sad/angry/frustrated about in the world. Now list activities you would LOVE doing which would offer solutions. Then: What's the first step? What could you do right NOW - literally, in the next five minutes? Notice what it's like to be the solution. I invite you to share your thoughts as comments on this blog - to inspire others and create some momentum for yourself to get into action.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

NB The idea of the world needing our passion is at the heart of the work I do with each coaching client - helping her connect with that passion and get in to sustained action to create an inspirational venture. To book a consultation to explore how you might benefit from this support, simply click here.

#52 - Too Much Happiness

2008-10-06T05:30:00.001-07:00

I was recently asked: "Have you ever had your heart broken?" I was in a group and the vast majority said "yes". I think the question was asked to show that we're all human and we all have the same experiences, so for the few of us who said "no", it was almost as if we were missing something. We were less human - we hadn't lived enough, we hadn't felt deeply enough.

Last night, in the final installment of the BBC adaptation of Tess of the D'Urbervilles, we watched a happy ending whisper its possibility and then disappear, as is fitting of such a solid Hardy tragedy. In one of the final scenes of the story, our main character - Tess - seems relieved to know that her short-lived joy is coming to an end, saying: "This happiness could not have lasted. It was too much". We see this too-familiar perspective on happiness - that it's temporary at best, dangerous at worst.

I wonder about how much we fear happiness, how we hide from it, get embarrassed about it. It's as if great happiness puts us out there on a limb - exposed and unusual. We know what happens to tall poppies, swaying blissfully in the wind. Happiness can be isolating; it can provoke our primal fears of rejection and abandonment. Maybe we hold back from too much happiness because we don't know what will happen out there, if we don't conform to the cultural default of resigned mundanity, grumbles and misfortune. Unhappiness is safer, somehow - there's less to lose. Perhaps it's unbearable to experience too much happiness and risk it falling away?

Do Things Differently
I challenge you to a week of too much happiness. How happy do you dare get? Notice when you repress your joy, your bliss; notice when it feels safer to say you're "okay" or "not bad" rather than "really really happy, thanks". Notice also WHY it feels safer - what are you trying to avoid? Every time someone asks how you are, choose to express the happiest version of you - with authenticity. Create a new cultural default - and notice the reaction from your friends, family and colleagues.
(Added challenge for Facebook users: have a week of updating your status to express the happiest version of how you're feeling and what you're doing. See if you get any interesting comments!)

#51 - Creases

2008-09-29T01:13:00.000-07:00

I spent a few hours last week lying in our garden, reading a great book, basking in the sunshine. It was simply too gorgeous to be inside and I decided everything else could wait. As I lay there, I overheard my neighbour from inside her house on the phone to her husband: "Yep, I've just finished ironing all your shirts... Yep, your t-shirts too."

My curiosity was sparked. Here were probably our last few hours of warmth, of glorious weather, before we turn the corner in to winter; an opportunity to relax, listen to the birds, be carefree... and someone was choosing to spend them ironing. Continuing my thought process from last week, I wondered about why we do the things we do - how each of us decides what to do in any given moment.

Often, we will choose an activity like ironing because it honours our values. We consider professionalism, quality or feeling smart to be important to us. AND often we do things out of habit, or by default. We don't even realise that by saying "yes" to one activity, we're saying "no" to another which we'd find infinitely more fulfilling. The question is not so much 'should I do this activity?' but rather 'is this activity more important, will it bring more joy, than the other options available to me right now?' It's down to each of us to know where that line is between values-honouring and conforming to 'shoulds' or distracting ourselves from life.

It's interesting how much time we spend ironing out the creases, rather than living fully. We can go to great effort to make life spotless and perfect, rather than just throwing ourselves in, creases and all. My personal crease-addiction is words. I'll double, triple, quadruple check emails before they go off. Sometimes, it's because I love phrasing things 'just so' and get immense satisfaction from it. Sometimes, I'm avoiding making an error, fearful of looking stupid, eager to impress. The former is fun and worthwhile, the latter is a waste. What do I miss out on when I'm spending those extra minutes behind the computer?

Maybe we could allow ourselves and others more room for creases. Perhaps we could increase our tolerance of the things which really don't matter, and decrease our tolerance for those which do. Maybe we could ignore crumpled shirts and a 'your' instead of a 'you're' and instead get feisty about the times when we waste our time, our potential, our lives. Here's an apt thought on this topic by Raphie Frank, a storyteller: "You look at the scratch and completely miss the diamond."

Do Things Differently
Ask yourself: Where are you ironing away the creases, rather than living life? How do YOU decide what to do, and what not to waste your time on? This week, choose one crease-ironing activity and pledge to yourself to do it less in order to free up some of your life. Let the scratches go and focus on the diamond.

I'd love to hear which activity you choose, and what happens as a result. Post a comment....

** ONLY 2 DAYS LEFT of early-bird price on the Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop (£45 rather than £55). Do your imperfections make you want to reach for the iron?? Do you hold back from doing things because you fear failure? Are you ready to stop clinging to crease-reduction and live fully instead?! Book now to join us on this workshop and claim more of your life! **

#50 - Why Do We?

2008-09-22T05:48:00.000-07:00

I've recently been reading a lot of advice about 'how to market your business'. One common message is: Focus on results. I thought this sounded sensible until I started really thinking about what motivates me. I'm a member of a private gym and go there most days; I swim, do Body Combat, and Body Balance. I do these because I love how I feel in the classes and in the pool. If the gym had marketed to me the messages: 'lose weight!' 'get toned!' 'get fit!', I would have ignored them. In fact, I did. However, when they allowed people to come along for free as part of their open weekend, I had a fantastic experience. I had endorphins zipping all over the place, felt strong, funky, relaxed, energised - and signed up. The fitness and weight loss have been bonuses but would never have got me parting with my money.

Likewise, today is World Car-Free Day, a time to showcase how our cities might look, feel and sound without cars. It's a hugely inspirational result to aim for - yet the result is not what motivates me to choose to travel by bike rather than car. I do so because I prefer the experience; I love how it feels to be out in the world, feeling the air on my skin, the sun on my face, to wave to people as I pass them by, to see my city up close and personal with all its precious nooks and crannies.

We're all different and it can be interesting to notice what we're motivated by - the results, the process... or both. I give away a lot of useful information for free; for example, there are now fifty posts on this blog. Often I get emails from readers who say that the insights and processes I've shared have led them to real results: changes in their life, big realisations. Sometimes there's a little fearful voice inside me which whispers: "But if you share all this for free, nobody will ever invest their money in your services." Yet the reality is that clients keep signing up for one-to-one coaching because of the process of coaching, as well as the results. That space of 40 minutes dedicated entirely to them every week or so. The feeling of being truly listened to. The experience of being seen and understood... and challenged! - given that "kick up the backside", as many call it :-) They keep attending workshops because of the feeling of a shared journey, the experience of interacting with other like-minded people, the space dedicated to exploration and discovery.

What I've realised is that once you're offering a service which brings both a fulfilling process AND fulfilling results, you know you are on to a winner.

Do It Differently
Notice what you're motivated by. The feeling of the process? The results? Both? If there's something you've been struggling with e.g. getting new clients, use your motivation as a guide. If you've been doing activities you hate, just to get the results, try focusing on the process instead. Do marketing activities you love and notice what that does to the results. Likewise, if you've been basking in activities you love, without any sense of direction, get clear about the results you're aiming for and channel your efforts that way (as I wrote about in Step 4 of the previous post). Additionally, in marketing your ventures, you might want to consider whether your clients/customers are more result or process oriented and then market in a way which truly speaks to them.

The World Needs Your Passion - The Monthly Ezine
I love sharing tools so much that I'm launching a new monthly ezine The World Needs Your Passion. This provides intelligent women with the motivation & practical strategies needed to create ventures which truly matter. The first issue is out this Friday and like this blog, is free and packed with value. To subscribe, click here.

#49 - X Factor

2008-09-15T00:15:00.000-07:00

In the early stages of developing your inspirational ventures, there are so many "How do I.....?" questions. I often get asked by fellow coaches: "How do you get your clients?" so I wrote a short report to answer them easily. One reader wrote me a huge long email, full of questions. She was curious because it sounded so easy and wanted to know the science behind the magic - how was I really doing it? What was my process, what qualities was I employing, what was making the difference between a one-off encounter and a solid, long-lasting business relationship? Bottom-line was, she wanted to know what my 'x factor' was.

I realised how unconscious we often are of our own magic. It's so 'us' that we're unable to see what we're up to. One reason I often hear for women not starting their own businesses is: "But I do this so naturally, surely it can't be so easy to turn that into a business!?" We seem to have swallowed the belief somewhere along the line that says: 'Everything has to be hard and a struggle', and so we avoid what's right there, under our noses.

Here's a 5-step process for becoming conscious of your own X Factor, so that you can amplify it , harness it, and share it with others.

Step 1: Do What You Do Naturally
For a day (or a few hours at least), stop doing any 'should' activities. Just do what you love, what comes naturally. Reconnect with what's instinctively there.

Step 2: Start Peeking On What Comes Naturally
Casually notice what you're up to. "Ah, I phoned ten people in the last hour" or "I brought a sample of my favourite food to work and then everyone wanted the recipe". Don't go changing anything, simply notice.

Step 3: Become Conscious Of What You're Doing Naturally
Move from casual observation to conscientious awareness. Make a note of your most obvious qualities & activities (Some of mine, for example, are: Talking with strangers, Writing tons, Being out and about in Cambridge often, Doing things differently, Following my heart).

Step 4: Do These Things With Direction
Employ your natural strengths in a direction of your choosing. Focus on what you want to achieve and use your natural strengths to get you there - e.g. I use my writing to share coaching processes with others. Be deliberate, conscious and consistent.

Step 5: Share Your Learnings With Others
Every one of us does things differently. However, if you can share your process with others, it gives them an access map to find and develop their own natural ways, e.g. Show someone who's struggling with disorganisation how you make lists and then prioritise; it may give them a key to unlocking their own most effective ways of working.

When you hear yourself asking: "How do I....?", interpret it as "How do I already.....?" (rather than: "How should I....?") Keep learning from others, but put the essential ingredients in place first. Each piece of new information you receive, you can then decide how it relates to the foundation of you doing the things, in the ways, that you naturally do.

Do Things Differently
Follow the five steps above, with the intention of discovering how you do what you naturally do. Become intimately acquainted with your very own X Factor. Notice what it's like to play from your natural strengths, rather than from a rule book. And if you're feeling brave, ask five people in your life: what do THEY see as being your X Factor?

And if you're feeling REALLY brave, leave a comment on this blog, letting us all know :)

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008
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New! - Monthly E-Zine, The World Needs Your Passion. Issue #1 due out Friday 26th September. Click here to receive issues straight to your in-box.

#48 - Failing Is...

2008-09-08T00:39:00.000-07:00

I failed a sign language exam when I was a teenager. I told someone I fancied them and they said they didn't feel the same. I applied to be Head Girl at my school and didn't get it. I wrote a novel in my early twenties and had the manuscript rejected by a dozen publishers. I managed to get a meeting with a big public school in Cambridge and didn't get any coaching work out of it. I'm passionate about natural vision improvement yet still wear glasses some of the time.

These are the facts. I failed at these things. But what does that mean? There's the definition of failing - not meeting a particular result or expectations - and then there's the interpretation we give it. This is one of the most significant learnings from my coach training: our experience of a situation depends on the perspective we take, and the great news is that we get to choose our perspective. It's like we go to the theatre and all the seats are empty so we can move around until we find the seat which offers us the best, most enjoyable view.

Many of us have a view which completes the sentence like this: "Failing is... evidence I'm no good" or "Failing is... the end of the road". If we take this view, we play small, stop trying, don't take risks in case we fail. And then of course we fail anyway and beat ourselves up, vowing to avoid that route next time. Life becomes limited, there are less opportunities available to us. We've become so used to sitting in this particular seat that we believe it's The Seat, the one and only, just the way it is, when really it's just one point of view - and one that isn't particularly helpful.

In my workshop, Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word, the central activity involves generating other perspectives on failing and 'trying them on'. We come up with "Failing is... a sign I'm human", "Failing is... feedback". We're moving around that metaphorical theatre, searching for a perspective which feels true for us and is empowering enough to fuel us in to action. The key word here is: choose. We get to determine what failing means to us so that it exists as a regular part of the human experience, rather than a block to us pursuing the life we want.

Do Things Differently
Make a list of eight times you've failed. Choose the one with the greatest sting and note your current perspective on failing ("Failing is...") Now, 'try on' some other perspectives, such as the ones mentioned above. Include the two in the photo which were generated by participants at my workshop. How empowering is each? What feels different and what would you do differently if you saw failing in this way? Now, consciously choose that perspective this week. Notice how you approach a potential fail situation differently and what happens a result.

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The 'Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word' workshop is running again on Sat 18th October in Cambridge (UK). For more details and to book your place, click here.

#47 - So Uncool

2008-09-01T02:01:00.000-07:00

When I was thirteen years old, I decided to volunteer in my local Oxfam charity shop. Back in the 1990s, this was not a cool move. Charity shops weren't yet popular enough to be trendy and shopping in one was something you only did if you had no money or style - at least in the eyes of my circle of school friends.

My conscience insisted I did something good for the world, though, and so I started working in the shop on a Saturday. All my friends would be in town but thankfully when I stood at the till, I couldn't be seen from the street. However, if ever a customer wanted something from the window, I would have to crawl onto the platform and retrieve it, making myself entirely visible to all passers-by on the High Street. I have a distinct memory of clammy hands and prayers that nobody I knew would be walking past. When you're already a geeky teenager trying hard to play it cool, that kind of exposure doesn't help.

I shop in charity shops all the time now and yet when a friend told me she'd got her wedding dress from Oxfam, it felt like a step too far. Although intellectually I thought it was a fantastic idea, my 'inner teen' responded with horror and anxiety. It's interesting to notice how we're affected by our earlier experiences, especially when they happen in our formative years.

Thankfully, I bypassed the prejudices and did buy my most perfect wedding dress from Oxfam. We went to the store in Poole, Dorset where they have a separate floor dedicated to bridal wear. The experience was hugely enjoyable and I felt every bit as special as a bride could feel. The assistants had previous experience in conventional bridal shops and so could advise on styles that most suited me and on any necessary alterations. I was also surprised to discover that the dresses are generally not pre-worn, but rather donated by designers who have showcased the gowns in fashion shows or magazine shoots. My dress cost £200, which I was told would buy a school room in a developing country. Good for me, good for others - certainly worth doing things differently.

Do Things Differently

What action are you desperate to take, but which feels that little bit 'uncool'? Cartwheels in the street, telling someone your religion, 'fessing up to an unusual hobby on your website? What version of you are you longing to be, but it's a little away from what's considered 'normal'? Perhaps you have an idea for a venture but it feels a bit geeky and you don't want to come across as an idiot as you pitch it to the bank manager or speak about it in public? Notice what you miss out on by caring too much about what's cool and what's not.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

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#46 - Worth The Risk

2008-08-26T02:26:00.001-07:00

From this photo of our honeymoon, where would you guess we'd been?

Thailand?
Australia?

No... Scotland. Our two-week stay in the Outer Hebrides and Inverness brought us breathtaking sunsets, swimming in the Atlantic Ocean, turquoise waters and pure white sands. We took a risk with our choice of destination, rejecting more obvious options for somewhere we knew virtually nothing about, with unpredictable weather. We were rewarded with warm sunshine, the sight of seals bobbing around in the waters, and a glorious double rainbow that we could see both the ends of. The experiences we had were made possible by the few visionary people who took risks - financially, emotionally, time and energy-wise - in order to create the guest houses and self-catering accommodation in which we stayed. I asked them: what made it worth the risk?

David Milne runs Ness Bank Guest House in Inverness, a place that we chose because of its great vegan breakfasts. He says, "The B&B had been an idea on the back burner for ages. We had stayed in so many bad ones with awful food we wanted to open one that we would like to stay in. I think every now and then you have to shake things up a bit otherwise life gets very stale. Giving up our jobs... it was a fair chunk of cash to give up. But once you don't have it anymore, you don't really miss it. We'd saved a fair bit and did things quite cautiously - moved to a rented house, did a business plan. The current place came on the market and although a touch too much, we had to have it; it's a great location. I love earning my own cash and not being stuck in a computer studio 50 hours a week."

Ian at Broad Bay House on the Isle of Lewis doesn't even know if he'd call it a risk, having seen it more as a "great opportunity that might have a downside". He focuses on the upsides - "running our own business, living somewhere great, seeing the reaction of guests when we show them the house and location, and meeting loads of fun, interesting people".

The guest books in these places are full of praise and gratitude, testimony to the owners' commitment to providing wonderful holiday experiences for people. These people leapt, the nets appeared, and those nets are now little sanctuaries where others can stay in order to enjoy beautiful parts of the world. Inspired to open your own?

Do Things Differently
This week, challenge yourself to go that little (or big) step further. Push the boundaries, take a risk, focus on the opportunity as being more compelling than the drawbacks. Notice your relationship with this idea of 'risk' and how it feels to know that others could really benefit from you taking that leap.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

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If you're considering creating an inspirational venture like these, do get in touch and let me know. I support people at various stages of turning an idea into reality, through one-to-one coaching and group workshops.

#45 - We Are A Circle

2008-08-01T06:23:00.000-07:00

We got married on 26th July. Our wedding could not have been more beautiful, nor more in keeping with the spirit of Doing Things Differently. So many people told us that it was the most enjoyable wedding they'd ever been to - firstly, because there was such overflowing of love and secondly, because it was so unique and had 'us' stamped so clearly upon every aspect. I could go on and on about every little detail but instead here is my top ten of some of the reasons this day became the dream it was:

10. tons of activities and chances to get involved e.g. a treasure hunt, a video diary room, a 'guess the baby photo' game and a Wisdom Tree from which guests could hang their thoughts
9. the whole thing took place outdoors in my parents' beautiful gardens with recycled glass jar lanterns at sunset
8. both wedding dresses were from Oxfam Bridal and tiaras from British Heart Foundation
7. a performance section with friends offering juggling, jokes, beat-boxing & singing
6. many decorations were enjoying their second life from shop window displays e.g. sparkling pink fairies from Lush, and signs were painted by our friend
5. the buffet was entirely vegan and sugar-free and had everyone going back for more
4. our friends made a photo slide-show which documented our 4 years together and played piano and sang as the back-drop for our first dance
3. speeches were toasted with home-made champagne from hand-picked elderflowers and accompanied by local strawberries
2. the ceremony itself was held by our three best friends, with various friends and family offering readings and singing our favourite chant: We Are A Circle
1. our love truly was at the centre of the whole day, with every decision leading back to that core.

Our love inspired all the organisation and then the sense of created-by-community inspired our guests. What made this possible was that we really looked to our circle of friends and family to hold the day for us and support us, both practically and emotionally. We looked to their skills and asked what they wanted to contribute. And rather than this being a burden for them, we saw their joy at being so instrumental in creating the magic of our special day. They gave us so much, and we gave them the opportunity to share their gifts with others. It fully affirmed my belief that we all long to contribute and find our meaning in this way. The beauty of the day will be with us forever - THANK YOU to all of you who gave that to us.

Do Things Differently
Whatever you're working on at the moment - be it a business venture, a home-development project, an event etc - really look to see: Who is your circle? Who would absolutely love to contribute something of their skills and talents to help you out? Play with the idea that they might be desperate for an opportunity to offer their gifts and see if you can provide them with that.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

After-thought....
Yesterday, I got chatting with my optician about our wedding and he was so impressed by how different it all was that he wants me to sit down with him and his fiancee and help them generate ideas for theirs. I'm wondering if there might be something in this so I'm keen to explore a You Inspire Me 'plan an inspirational event/do your event differently' service. So... if you are planning an event like a wedding, birthday, or anniversary bash and want to Do It Differently - book a session. This is a new venture so we'll assess as we go how many sessions you might want. Sessions are £50 each and can be booked here.

#44 - Dare To Share

2008-07-18T03:16:00.001-07:00

Wonderful things need to be shared so I am delighted to let you know that the new issue of Permaculture Magazine features an article entitled The World Needs Your Passion - written by me! Having an article published in a national magazine which I have so much respect for ticks a really big box on my 'would love to make happen' list, so I am delighted to be celebrating this with you.

As you know, this blog is all about sharing word of inspirational ventures and Permaculture Magazine is certainly one of them. It features genuinely useful articles on eco-villages, alternative technology, natural building materials & methods, organic gardening and a whole bunch of other topics which make my heart sing. The ideas and experiences which people share give me genuine hope that we really can find solutions for sustainable living.

A magazine like this is a forum for sharing. Experts share with novices on one topic, and then become novices when they read about someone else's project. It reminds me that sharing is a phenomenal energy. In contexts like these, it's a paradox whereby you get more by giving away. I receive a huge amount of joy from sharing my writing and I imagine other contributors in the magazine, and others like it, feel the same. We get to live our purpose, and offer something of benefit to others by doing so.

One of the principles of permaculture is Earth-share which I understand to mean that we live sustainable, one-planet lifestyles, sharing our Earth's resources equally, including sharing any surplus. Sometimes sharing feels scary. With tangible objects, we might worry: "If I give this bag of apples away, will I really have enough left for me?" With our skills and ideas, we might fear: "If I offer this, will people reject me or make fun of me?" I've often heard people say: "If I do what I REALLY want to do with my life, it might kill the fun of it for me. I'd rather just keep it for me." This is where the 'dare' part of this title comes in. I believe it takes real courage to share with others.

What happens when we don't share? Picture a child in a playgroup, jealously hoarding her toys. We can see she's not happy: she hasn't got anyone to play with, yet nor is anyone else benefiting from her approach. Likewise when we adults don't share our gifts, we can get frustrated, maybe because deep down we know they're there to be shared. Our world really DOES need us to share our passion. Every product and service we love is there because someone was willing and generous enough to share their idea and their talent. When we frame it this way, it can be less scary to get that business up and running, or that project started. It's not about us, it's about sharing. One of my coaching clients had a lot of local media coverage this month for her inspirational project because she just had to pick up the phone and let the papers know what she was doing. By grounding her action in her desire to share, not on any other agenda, she created a situation where so many people got to benefit. I wonder what it is that you need to share...

For You
What are you desperate to share? You can think long-term: what's the big picture that your life is about? What's your legacy? And also short-term: what could you dare to share in this next hour? Maybe you could let someone know how they've impacted you, show someone a piece of art or some poetry you've written, or send them to a link to an inspirational movie clip. Notice what it's like to share with no other agenda than that you have something to give.

For You - part 2
I have an ongoing project called Inspirational 100 where I interview people who have inspirational ideas. We look at what you want to share, what blocks you, and what supports you. It's business-development research for me and also may form the basis of a book I'm contemplating writing. If you would like to share your thoughts as part of this, please email me here . As a thank you, you can receive a coaching session to kick-start you on turning this idea into reality, at no charge. I look forward to hearing from you.

NB There'll be no post next week as I'm off getting married.... Now there's sharing! :)

#43 - Grow Up

2008-07-10T01:12:00.000-07:00

Back in 1992, a 12 year old girl called Severn Suzuki spoke at the UN Earth Summit- watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZsDliXzyAY

The energy of this speech awakens something in me. Here is a young person who is angry. She is an unadulterated reminder of that inherent sense of right and wrong which we all possess, and the simplicity of her words bring home to us the obvious priority of our environmental situation. The imperatives she uses - "stop", "don't", "change" - are words we're used to adults using with children, yet here is a young person addressing adults in this tone.

The energy of angry teenage idealism always inspires me and it's an energy we need now more than ever. We need to get indignant. We need to get disgusted and baffled and horrified by what's continuing to happen on this planet, despite everything we know and have known for as long as I've been alive. We need to connect with the part of us that just knows that it's wrong to consume and waste to the extent we are now and we then need to allow that energy to power us forward into radical, inspirational solutions.

We might say "oh well it's easy to be idealistic when you're young". It's actually not. It's frustrating beyond belief to feel like you have all these ideas for how the world should be and yet feel that the power is with the 'grown-ups' who aren't using it very well. I think lots of us still feel like those dis-empowered children when we see what politicians and corporations are doing. We feel hopeless and impotent and switch on the telly instead.

We are adults. We DO get to act, we DO have power, we CAN implement plans. We get to enact one of the most powerful equations - IDEALISM + ACTION = WORLD-CHANGING. In her speech, Severn says: "I don't have all the solutions". As a teenager, she doesn't necessarily know the 'how' of what she's fighting for, but she knows she must fight. As we become adults, we need to keep hold of that indignant sense of purpose and then add the'how' . We learn the mechanics, practicalities, solutions and pathways so that we can use that knowledge to make our vision real in the world. In short, we become adults so that we can add the 'how' to the teenage vision. Let's not get confused and choose the 'how' instead of the vision.

We can take the treasure of those teenage years - the passion, the feisty make-things-right energy - and give it a channel. We can be impassioned adults, truly able to make a difference. I work with clients like this every week, people who have huge, inspirational visions. By working together to get them clear on their visions and committed to them, they find that they just have to find the resources to manifest them. They realise that when they're fuelled by that passionate urgency, they HAVE to find the how-to. And they always do.

For You
What did you get angry about in your early teens? What issues most bothered you? How did you want to change the world? Maybe you felt that you were 'only a child' and couldn't really make a difference. Now connect with what's true for you today - do the same issues fire you up, or others? Find the emotion and the passion that can be your fuel. What are you compelled to change, make better, make more sane in the world? If you simply had to do this, what would you do? And what would you do TODAY?

#42 - Home Made

2008-07-03T03:48:00.000-07:00

For years, I would have said I was not creative. Although I wrote and created workshops and lessons, I would freeze when presented with an artistic, hands-on project. I suspect many of us have these 'scripts' from negative experiences of art lessons at school, or just from the general fact that there is so little room for creativity built in to school curricula.

Recently, I've been realising how very creative I actually am, thanks to our wedding preparations. We really wanted a 'home-made' feel to the day with that sense of community and creativity. One of these projects is making hearts out of clay and painting them, to create decorations for our marquee. We've been lucky enough to get sample paint pots from an inspirational paint company called Auro which produce natural, environmentally-sustainable paints. Instead of the normal toxic odour of paints, this paint smells of lemons and is just a complete pleasure to use (see http://www.auro.co.uk/).

When I see those clay hearts now, I feel that WE are in them, because of the creativity we invested in them. They carry within them memories of the time spent, the conversations my partner and I had, the feel of the balmy summer evenings when we sat in the garden making them. After the wedding, we'll be using these hearts to decorate our home and they'll then carry with them all the embodied energy from that magical day. Home: made.

I feel sad for all of us who have been living through this Age of Cheap Oil because it has distanced us from this joy of creativity. We doubt the viability of making things ourselves, believing it to be easier to import anonymous mass-produced goods. However, as we continue to see the price of oil rising, we'll see more and more of this 'powering down' and 'skilling up' which people talk about. We'll start shifting to seeing ourselves as vitally useful, productive human beings who can make things. We'll feel that WE are in our surroundings, that our own stories infuse the objects around us, and rather than just seeing the product, we'll remember the process.

Inquiry: How could I inject some creativity into this aspect of my life?

Action: Make something this week with your very own hands. Bake an apple pie, make a card for a friend's birthday, create a collage, sew a little purse, turn a glass jar into a lantern, or make strawberry jam. I find this especially fulfilling when using materials that would otherwise have ended up in the bin! If you feel you don't know where to start, ask someone to show you. Or find a website which talks you through a creative process. Notice the 'scripts' which you run about you 'not being creative' and let this next creative act be the start of a new script.

#41 - Making A Pledge

2008-06-26T02:07:00.000-07:00

Getting married has you think a lot. There are lots of the details of the wedding to arrange - the marquees, food, dresses, music etc - and underneath all of that is, of course, the core of the occasion:the vows. What is is that we're wanting to promise each other? What are our commitments? And why??

Pledging also came up for me when choosing our honeymoon. We spent days and days trawling through 'eco tourism' and 'responsible travel' websites, trying to find the 'perfect location'. We were giddy from spinning all around the world and getting nowhere. All along, my conscience was feeling travel sick, its quiet voice reminding me that aviation is the single biggest contributor to climate change. Flying to Australia to see the Great Barrier Reef - whose very ecosystem is threatened by climate change - felt too ironic. How could I fly, knowing that it damages the environment and people's lives, when I don't need to?

It's one thing to say something, it's another to pledge it. I guess that's a key reason why we get married - to publicly pledge what we've been saying all along. And so I typed in 'flight pledge' and came across http://lowflyzone.org/ where you can commit to being free from flying, or flying less, for a year. It's inspiring to read the database of names of those who've pledged and their reasons for doing so, and I felt proud to sign up as #620 in a long list of committed people. There is something hugely validating about promising something and being witnessed by others.

I'm learning how much an outer pledge can support our inner commitment and strengthen it. Travel-wise, I feel the world has opened up since making that pledge, because I have smaller areas of the world to focus on and so can explore more deeply. Likewise with our relationship, it feels liberating to know that I will be loving and sharing with this one person for life; it excites my curiosity - given that we've promised to stay together through challenging times, as well as easy times, how will we do it? Who will we become, what inner resources will we discover?

I often see people not achieving anything significant because they are concerned that saying "no" to certain paths and committing to others would restrict them, or 'burn their bridges'. Yet pledges really are about saying "no" to make room for a more meaningful "yes". By saying "no" to this, what "yes" does this open up for me? As any fan of de-cluttering knows, having less options can bring more space and more simplicity.

Oh - and in case you were curious about our honeymoon "yes" - we're going to a turf-roofed eco-cottage in the Outer Hebrides. Doing Things Differently indeed....

Action: Scan your life for an area where you feel stuck, half-hearted, where you are going back and forth. Decide whether you are ready to make a pledge - whether a "no" could open up a more appealing "yes", or what a "yes" could liberate you from - and then make it. Tell someone, maybe even pledge on-line, and notice what it's like to be witnessed in your commitment, to have that accountability.

Inquiry: What does committing to this open up for me?

#40 - It's In The Air

2008-06-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

When JK Rowling addressed Harvard graduates recently, her theme was the benefit of failure. The Royal Society for the encouragement of the Arts has recently launched a Glory Of Failure project. And I have been delving deeper and deeper into people's failure experiences through my most recent project - Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word. Traditionally, organisations, celebrities and professionals would be telling us all how to succeed and so this current perspective - on failing being valuable - feels new, fresh, like a change in the tide. Failing, it seems, is in the air.

I'm getting curious about the synchronicity of ideas. Just this morning, a client was speaking passionately about her vision for a project and reflected: "The timing is spot on for this" because her objectives overlap beautifully with key funder objectives. A year ago, there might not have been the interest, a year on, her dream might have seemed like yesterday's news. What makes something a 'hot topic'? Do ideas spread like viruses, caught and spread between one person and another? Or does an energy emerge and create a strong undercurrent, pulling us in certain directions?

We can always find evidence that the world doesn't need our ideas and gifts. Often, when we start telling others our dreams, they will shower us with that kind of evidence ("but what about the credit crunch!?"). Instead, how about we start noticing trends in the world which we get excited about? - buzzwords like 'community cohesion', 'innovation', or 'peer support'. Maybe we can spot practical action like more recycling facilities popping up, shops charging for plastic bags, allotments becoming more popular.

Let's imagine that the world were setting the stage - getting all the players into position, lighting, sound and...cue: YOU! What's it time for you to do?

Action:
Keep a list of the trends you notice this week which inspire you. By each, make a note of one thing you're already doing which links with that trend, and then one thing which could contribute to furthering this trend.

Inquiry:
What's hot? And where do I fit in?

Glory Of Failure - read the signature article for this here: http://www.thersa.org/fellowship/journal/features/the-joy-of-failure

For more about my Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshops, visit the Workshops section of my website - www.youinspireme.co.uk. Also, drop me an email if you'd like to put yourself forward to be interviewed on this subject.

#39 - Falling In Love All Over Again

2008-06-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

A year ago, I broke up with this Doing Things Differently blog. It was a pretty intense relationship which then kind of faded away. Recently, we started playing with the possibility of getting it on again. Several people had lamented our split, saying they missed that darn blog and when were we going to start up again?

I wanted to wait until the natural desire to write began to spring up naturally, authentically; I wanted to feel that I was writing because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to. That's been happening for me recently. Words have been pouring forth and bringing joy, connections, and fulfilment with them and so here we are again, writing and I are back together, and I'm falling in love all over again.

I'm also feeling this way about Five Rhythms dancing. If you haven't experienced Five Rhythms, I'm not going to explain it - just find your local class and go dance it. When I first discovered Five Rhythms back in 2001, I danced like a possessed woman, travelling all over London to as many classes as I could get my hands on. When I moved to Cambridge, dancing was on a much more ad-hoc basis, started feeling like a bit of a chore, and so I faded it out. A couple of weeks, something shifted for me and I'm back on the dance floor, back in the zone, not able to get enough.

Falling in love all over again is thrilling. Many of us have experienced that: in relationships, with work, hobbies, people. You have something special but then it fades out and sometimes the bravest thing to do is move away. While you're away, you grow, you develop, you become more of you, and then if and when you come back to that long-loved whatever, you're a different you, it's a different it. The connection is authentic - it's not clinging on to the old, the stagnant, the habitual. It's not rehashing or going round in circles. It's love that's fresh, excited, pure, curious.

So, welcome to this blog - old readers and new. It's going to be about what it was always about - doing things diffferently - but now I'm even clearer why. We are at such a stomach-churningly exciting time on this planet right now, where we are called upon literally to do things differently or disappear as a species. It's that simple and it's that monumental. We need to find different ways of life which ensure a sustainable human presence on Earth and this blog is about featuring those people who ARE doing things differently - who are inspiring me and inspiring you.

Each blog entry ends in true coaching style with an Action (for you to do) and an Inquiry (for you to contemplate). I love to hear from you so do let me know any insights you stumble upon, or people/organisations you think it would be good to feature. My email is: yes@youinspireme.co.uk. Also drop me an email if you'd like to receive these blog entries direct to your inbox - pop 'Blog' in the subject title and I'll add you to the list.

Inquiry:
What am I falling in love with - right NOW?

Action:
Really look to your impulses. What is it that keeps twitching away at you, urging you to act? What is there from your past that you might want to revisit now, with fresh eyes, open heart? This week, allow what's arising in you naturally to lead you into new territory - or old territory with a new perspective. Look at your habits, your routines, the people and places which appear frequently in your world and look at them and interact with them as if for the first time, as if you were a child. Do things differently, as an awakening lover would.

#38 - Growing Out

2007-06-13T02:25:00.000-07:00

I didn't feel particularly attractive as a kid. I wore NHS glasses and was a little chubby round the edges. When I was around ten, I started wearing a dress - it was red with some kind of cool kiddie slogan on the front - which I felt good in. It fitted me perfectly. Like all young ones, I grew quickly and the dress got progressively shorter, but because I loved how I felt in that dress, I kept wearing it till it fitted me more like a t-shirt. I still remember how rubbish it felt when I admitted that I had to let it go.

I started these E-zines on May 2nd 2006. There's a year of such ponderings archived on my blogspot site (see below) reflecting my own journey and the insights I've received from family, friends & clients. They represent a year of connections with a group of people who read my words and take something from them.

As you will have noticed, they've kind of trailed off in the recent months. I still have plenty to say but the pull to convey them in this format isn't there anymore. It's feeling like a chore - and when that happens, I know it's an alert to look and reassess. There's a different way to meet the intention that this E-zine was set up for and I feel drawn to look there.

When we clear what no longer fits us, we make room for what does. Recently I've been doing more and more work in person with teenagers - at schools, youth groups, youth conferences etc - and am reminded of how 'me' this kind of work is, how 'me' it's always been. It's time for me to realign with that and have the writing I do connect more specifically with those interactions.

My coach training was really good on the importance of 'completion' - on ending things cleanly and with integrity. On saying whatever needs saying in order to put a satisfying full stop at the end of what we've been involved with, instead of letting it fade or trickle away.

So in terms of this E-zine and its blog, this is over and out from me. Thank you for 'Doing Things Differently' with me - for the comments I've received, ideas I've been given, simply for the opportunity to write and be read.

I would love for you to be part of the new projects as they arise so I will stay in touch as long as you want me to :) Enjoy your final Inquiry & Action and feel free to let me know what you come up with.

With much love,
Corrina x

Inquiry: What have I grown out of?

Action: Take an audit of your life. Scan for what is there simply because it's always been there, or because it feels routine or comfortable. Maybe clothes, people, projects, jobs, ways of doing things, furniture, your home, your car, or the way you travel to college or work. When you've identified an aspect of your life you've grown out of, consider how you want to complete with it. Is there a conversation to be had? A physical clear out? A change of attitude, or different action to take? Notice what happens for you energetically when you let go of what no longer fits you and make room for what will.

#37 - Caves

2007-05-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I lost my mojo. You know that feeling? Heavy, disconnected, walking around in a slump. It was only in retrospect, when I had got reconnected with myself, that I could look back and see the fog of the previous few days.

To bottom-line, something I'd planned tons for and had been really looking forward to didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Rather than allowing myself to feel my disappointment, I locked it away and got bitter. I bitched, I moaned, I made excuses. It was obviously all their fault that it hadn't worked out well. In my coaching, I spotted myself going along with my clients' limiting beliefs, inwardly agreeing that life was quite rubbish and that probably was 'just the way things were'.

What I really needed was to be in a cave, nursing my wounds. Allowing myself to swim in the disappointment and being compassionate with myself about how I felt - instead of putting on a false smile and seething inside.

How often we push ourselves out into the world, all armoured up, when really we're feeling hurt, insecure, rejected, let down. We drag ourselves through the days, pretending that everything is just fine and dandy, leaving a trail of negativity behind us. Some of us have been living in this land of armour for so long it feels normal. The cynical, jaded, complaining attitude that some people adapt as their default is a way of hiding, but it's not the nurturing 'anything goes, you're safe here' cave we actually need.

If we can create healthy caves for ourselves, where we can go and let it all out - all the anger, upset, envy etc - then we can go back out into the world authentically, open. We come to know that we have a way of being with the discomfort when it crops up again - and there is huge safety in that.

Inquiry: What is my version of a healthy 'cave'?

Action: Notice this week where you push yourself out into the world when really you want to be in a cave. Create a cave for yourself, however that looks for you - whether it's an hour in the bath, plugging into a walkman, going for a run, having a holiday, crying on your partner etc. Decide that every emotion will be allowed here, and then allow yourself to go there whenever you want some 'time out' to process the experiences of your life. Notice what's different about your 'out in the world' time as a result.

#36 - Quality Questions

2007-04-20T10:22:00.001-07:00

This week, I've been ill - gunky, sore throat, run down. When this happens, I know it's a sign that I need to slow down and make life more simple.

However, work has got deliciously busy recently and I found myself ignoring my body and continuing to rush around like a headless chicken. I took on one task too many and ended up having to cancel an appointment that I'd been really looking forward to. I lay there, defeated, amongst tissues and echinacea, asking myself: "How could I be so stupid?" The more I asked myself this, the more annoyed with myself I became - which led to more of the "When will I learn??" type questions and yet more frustration.

My guess is that we do this a lot. We ask ourselves questions with no answers. The result? - we're left disempowered. We keep ourselves repeating the same patterns, remaining in the same situations, going round and round in circles.

Once I'd realised this was what I was doing, I started playing with new questions - empowering ones. My intention was to find quality questions that would open doors, instead of trapping me in 'same old, same old'.
"What was important to me when I made those decisions?"
"What does my body need right now?"
"What's the gift in this cold?"
"Where could I make my life easier?"

The coolest one I stumbled upon was: "What new way of being is this asking me to step into?" Now I could get curious. I could really look, I could get insight. I could see that my exhaustion was asking me to really notice where I was putting my energy and be more discerning about what I said "yes" to. It was asking me to focus on quality, not quantity - to do one thing at a time and do it well, rather than spread myself too thinly. Now I was finding answers which could lead to different kinds of actions - a way out of this unproductive pattern.

What are the disempowering questions you ask yourself? "Why have I done this again?" "Why is this happening to me?" Notice that when the question allows no answers, there are no choices, no places to move or grow. Now think about times you've been asked - or asked yourself - powerful questions, and what became possible as a result.

Inquiry: What are powerful questions for me?

Action: This week, notice what questions you ask yourself. Notice the impact of them and make a game of finding questions that feel more empowering. Make a list of questions that can be relied upon to bring you insight and more sense of the possibilities and choices available to you. Commit to asking yourself one of these when you feel stuck or frustrated.

#35 - A Business Called You

2007-04-11T08:09:00.000-07:00

My partner and I have just got back from a five night break in Bristol & Somerset. One thing which stood out for me about the trip was how many unique, independent businesses we encountered, all of which contributed something special to our experience.

One such example was Cafe Kino in Bristol. This is a not-for-profit co-operative cafe with an all veggie menu and a community feel. They're hugely conscious of the environment - I almost fell over when I saw their takeaway sandwich containers were made from biodegradable plastic. They have quirky events like a weekly knitting group and staff contribute their unique skills - like Michael, who serves behind the counter and designed their very cool website ( www.cafe-kino.com).

Many of us frequent shops, cafes & other enterprises which are run by a small group of people - maybe even just one person. Bring to mind some of these before you read on. When created from an authentic desire to serve, these businesses feel human; you can feel the personalities behind them. You really get the sense that someone has said "I have something to offer the world" and has started their business to enable them to do that.

In the careers education I received, it seemed you either went into prviate sector business to make money or you did something good for the world by going into public sector work or charity. More and more there's emerging a different way of making a difference. We can realise what is unique about us and act upon our human desire to contribute by turning that uniqueness into a service or product that makes a positive contribution to our communities.

This is why I coach teenagers. When a young person gets in touch with what they are really passionate about, it's like a light goes on. They can spend their whole lifetime finding fulfilling ways of offering that uniqueness to the world.Everyone benefits as a result.

Inquiry: What is absolutely unique about me that this world is craving?

Action: Imagine the only way of making a living is to start your own business. Write/draw/discuss with someone what it is you would love to contribute and who you want to offer that to. What impact do you want to have on the world? What need are you yearning to meet? (By the way, do this even if you already have your own business - it can shake up stale patterns and get you back to the essence of what you're about.) Notice what it's like to recognise the uniqueness of you and how much the world would benefit from you offering that.

And hey, if the idea grabs you, consider actually starting your own business. I can highly recommend it.

NB I now run workshops for schools & colleges entitled 'A Business Called You', helping students in Yrs 9-13 explore what their own business could look like. If you're interested, please ask for more details.

#34 - Messing Up

2007-04-03T13:52:00.000-07:00

How are you at 'messing up'? Getting things 'wrong'? Making 'mistakes'? What happens to your body when you judge yourself as having done this?

Last week, I had to make a decision about whether to go ahead with some dental work. I obsessed and obsessed about making the right decision, as if it were out there somewhere waiting to be found. I was paralysed with fear at the prospect of making the wrong decision.

I took this topic to a session with my coach, asking to explore this familar fear of 'getting things wrong'. I could see that I was holding an incredibly limited and narrow perspective on decision making, and - in fact - on being human in general. How much fun could there be if I was always bothered about whether I was doing something right or not?

My coach challenged me to spend a week intentionally messing up. I took this on and added an extra piece: I decided to notice myself 'messing up', whether by intention or not, and to say: "I got something wrong! Hoorah! I'm human!" I quickly realised what an empowering, uplifting, energising reframe that is. It cuts right through the judgement and puts a stop to me beating myself up about appearing less than perfect.

I've also been applying the reframe to others. If I catch myself judging someone for 'messing up', I inwardly remind myself: "Hoorah! They're messing up! They're human!" Not only does it take that judgement away, but it connects me with others, reminding me that we're all equal. We're no longer a bunch of people getting things 'right' or 'wrong' and thereby being 'better' or 'worse' than others. There's also a gratitude piece in there - THANK YOU for being human, as hard as it can be, and sharing this weird amazing human journey together.

Imagine creating schools where we don't assess people as doing things 'right' and 'wrong', 'good' and 'bad', where we don't create hierarchies and winners and losers. I'm reminded of a Taoist story that I want to end this Ezine with:

A farmer living in a poor country village is considered well-off by his neighbours as he owns a horse which he uses for ploughing and transportation. One day, his horse runs away. All his neighbours exclaim how terrible this is, but the farmer replies: "How do we know what is bad?"

A few days later, the horse returns, bringing with it two wild horses. The neighbours all rejoice at his good fortune, but the farmer replies: "How do we know what is good?"

The next day, the farmer's son tries to ride the wild horses. He is thrown and breaks a leg. The neighbours all offer their sympathy for his misfortune, but the farmer replies: "How do we know what is bad?"

The following week, conscription officers come to the village to take the young men into the army. They reject the farmer's son because of his broken leg. When the neighbours tell him how lucky he is... - well, you can guess what he says!

Inquiry: What does it mean to me to 'get things wrong'?

Action: Whenever you catch yourself judging yourself for 'messing up', stop and shout out loud: "Hoorah!! I messed up!! I'm human!!" Notice the impact of holding that attitude. Extend this attitude out to others - your loved ones and complete strangers - and again, notice what might shift for you.

#33 - Pure Joy

2007-03-27T04:52:00.001-07:00

I received two pieces of information this week which made me literally squeal with joy. Firstly, I was successful in an application for a job I desperately wanted. Secondly, my brother and his wife told us that they're expecting a baby.

Joy isn't an unusual emotion for me - in fact, I'm quite known for it. After receiving the phone call about the job, I went skipping down the street. A woman working in an office saw me jumping past and looked at me in complete bemusement, to which my partner laughed and said: "That was such a Corrina moment!"

Joy doesn't seem to be a hugely common state of being, though. How often have we asked someone how they are and they reply: "I'm joyful!" or "Full of joy, thanks!" It's an emotion that almost seems frowned upon. It's often associated with being childish, silly, insubstantial. It's not deep, it's not something that anyone with adult responsibilities should feel, at least not for any amount of time. It shows that someone doesn't really get what life is about. We can talk about 'enjoying' a film or a holiday, but are we talking about the experience of feeling pure joy?

What brings you joy? For me, it's things like receiving good news, dancing, listening to uplifting music, cycling down hills, romance, feeling Spring arrive. What's your experience of joy when it shows up? For me, I feel lifted - like a surge of air has just entered my solar plexus and swept me off my feet. I can feel my eyes sparkling, my body tingling, and I want to sing, run, jump, dance.

What I notice about us humans is that we can block our pleasurable emotions just as much as, if not more than, our painful ones. Joy can feel almost too good to bear. Five minutes after receiving the phone call about my new job, I found myself talking about the logistics of something completely different, in planning and organisation mode. I checked myself and decided to bask in the joy of it for the whole evening instead.

Basking in joy for me means taking the joy deep and allowing it to spread. Breathing into the emotion, allowing it to fill every cell of my body, from my finger tips to the tips of my toes. As I do this, I can feel myself getting grounded, connected to the Earth, but also lifted still. I become a bigger, more vibrant, more alive version of myself. What's it like for you?

Inquiry: What brings me pure joy?

Action: Notice your response to this Ezine. How comfortable are you with the emotion of 'joy'? Does it make your squirm, feel distaste, or do you welcome it? Have you decided it's something only children feel, or something you accept within yourself? This week, be aware of any events or occurences which could cause you to feel joyful. See what it's like to allow yourself to go with that emotion and deepen your experience of it. How joyful can you allow yourself to be?

#32 - Perfection Paralysis

2007-03-20T01:37:00.001-07:00

Yes, you're right, there's been no Ezine from me in nearly two months. It's not that there hasn't been anything to write about - in fact the opposite is true. I've had idea after idea... and got stuck trying to decide which one was the PERFECT one.

Let's call this phenomenon 'perfection paralysis'. Just nod your head sympathetically if you know what I'm talking about. It's where you endow whatever you're doing with huge importance and fixate on getting it 'right'. When I used to send weekly Ezines, I'd just write about whatever was happening that week but with the 'new improved' monthly format I've switched to, I've been trying to find just one glorious idea and hone it till it became perfect - a sure-fire way of destroying the creative impulse.

In coaching, we notice that where a pattern shows up in one area of someone's life, there's a high chance it's showing up somewhere else too. So I know for me that I have tons of brilliant ideas for how to take my work into schools and colleges... and don't take much action because I'm waiting to come up with the perfect package, presented in the most perfect way. I also know that I want to get the people I love the perfect birthday present so I wait and wait, thinking it'll come to me in a flash of inspiration, and then it gets too late that I get them the same mundane thing I got them last year. There's a giant gap between the perfect, the ideal.... and what you get when you do nothing.

When I was training as a teacher, we started with just one lesson a week to plan. Of course, it had to be THE PERFECT LESSON. So out came every resource under the sun, every clever creative way of conveying the topic... and the result was often a lesson which was way too convoluted. Not a lot of fun - for me or my students. I now notice that it's often the simple, skeletally planned lessons and workshops which have the impact - coming more from the gut and less from the complexities of the mind.

One way out of perfection paralysis is to make the doing of the task more important than the result. I'm writing this Ezine for the sake of doing it, not getting it perfect. I know there are lines that are bumpy, phrases that could be better. I'm letting that go.

When we make getting something 'right' the desired outcome, we can tie ourselves in knots. Instead, we can choose to see our lives as big laboratory experiments. Take action, notice what happens, learn, do something differently next time. This way, we're constantly moving forward and learning - and there's the joy of being human.

Ezines will be weekly and imperfect from now on.... :0)

Inquiry: Where in my life am I trying to be perfect? And what's the impact?

Action: Bring to mind something you've been putting off because you're waiting for it to be perfect. A hard conversation, an overdue letter to a friend, buying new clothes/furniture etc. Now... just do it. Let go of the need for it to be perfect and take action. Decide that moving forward is more important than getting it right and notice what shifts for you as you do this.

#31 - Celebrating Together

2007-01-30T04:43:00.000-08:00

I'm writing a book. It's for teenagers who excel academically and yet haven't really been given the opportunity to find out who they are. The corny catchphrase I'm working with at the moment is "helping intelligent young people become intelligent about themselves". I've got an outline, chapter one is nearly complete and I'm loving the process of writing it. My intention is to have it finished by the end of 2007.

The reason for me telling you all this is that I'd like to ask for accountability. Accountability is one aspect of coaching which makes it such an effective medium for change - and it's a feature that can so easily be misunderstood, even by coaches! So let's explore three ways of 'doing' accountability:

#1
This is the 'getting homework in on time' kind of accountability that we're probably most used to. In this dynamic, an authority figure is basically telling you what to do, when to do it, and to report in when done. The motivation is external and the 'handing it in' part often looks like begrudging compliance. If I was asking for this kind of accountability, you would see yourself as checking up on me: "Have you finished that chapter yet?" and nagging me if I wasn't getting it done. Our Saboteurs relish in this kind of accountability because it's rife with opportunities for judgements of 'not good enough'. Notice where in your life you encounter this.

#2
Take the emotion out - the blame and the guilt - and we're left with a factual 'account giving' kind of accountability. I'd simply be letting you know what progress I'm making with the book - what's happening? what am I learning? Notice where in your life you have this kind of objective space.

#3

Add a different emotion to the mix - that of delight with every stage of the process. This accountability is where we get to celebrate what is. I get to say to you: "It's going really well", and that's okay, and "It's going really badly"... and that's okay too. You're assuming I'll do what I've said I'll do... AND you'll be accepting and curious if I don't do it. There's a blend of being compassionate and loving, whatever happens... AND staying unwaveringly focussed on the goal. Notice where in your life you get this kind of unconditional support - and what it allows you to be and do.

A final note on accountability. It's something that has to be asked for; it's a gift that's there with the sole purpose of supporting you in staying on track with what you want to do.

Oh, and in case you weren't sure what accountability I was asking for, it's the third kind please :0)

Inquiry: What would I love to be held accountable for?

Action: Use the Inquiry to bring to the forefront of your mind something you really want to do and yet have struggled to stay on track with in the past. Get clear on what the goal is and what kind of actions you want to be taking to move towards that goal. Now decide which kind of accountability you'd most value and ask someone to hold you accountable in that way. How do you want to check in with them? How do you want them to celebrate with you? How do you want them to be if you're not doing what you intended? Design them as the perfect tool for you, to help you achieve this meaningful goal. Notice what it's like to ask for support in a way which suits you - what kind of relationship it creates and what results it produces.

#30 - Natural Element

2006-12-29T07:45:00.000-08:00

This Christmas, I've had the privilege of spending time with my sister-in-law who's training in acupuncture. We've been having fascinating discussions about how Chinese medicine sees people as characterised by the five elements: Earth, Wood, Fire, Metal and Water.

According to this perspective, we all contain each element but there will be one element which is predominant - the underlying element which our life is basically all about. For me, it's Fire - passion, communication, excitement, inspiration. These attributes come naturally to me; when I'm living these, I am literally 'in my element'. The element I feel less strongly within me is Metal; this is the realm of precision, discernment, logic, focus.

Whether or not the Chinese medicine outlook resonates with you, I offer this as a useful tool we can use to identify patterns in our ways of working, our strengths and our challenges. When I look at my energy in terms of the metaphor of fire, I can see how vital the strong boundaries of metal are. An untamed fire will scatter energy and ultimately destroy its environment, whereas a fire contained within a grate will smoulder, warming and sustaining, with great energy efficiency. I can then translate this image into action. I've now reinstituted a very clear, structured business plan, precise with dates. I'm also using mindmaps to channel my creative thinking in a linear, productive way.

As we approach the turn of the calendar year, I invite you to reflect on what your natural element might be. When you feel in balance, is your natural tendency to:

nurture, provide stability, be consistent, loyal, empathetic, "salt of the earth"? (Earth)
aspire, grow, develop, move forward dynamically, with the strength & flexibility of a tree in spring? (Wood)
be warm, full of vitality, loving, joyful, give and receive happiness, entertain? (Fire)
reason logically, let go of what you no longer need, have clarity & boundaries, give & receive respect? (Metal)
adapt, deal with whatever comes in a relaxed yet tenacious way, take the path of least resistance, conserve energy? (Water)

Remember - you'll find all elements within you but one is more likely to feel like 'home'.

Now consider: what is it you find difficult in yourself and others? Perhaps you feel uncomfortable in a certain type of person's company or when you apply yourself to a particular situation. What characteristics are present? Look at which element this most corresponds with; this is an element you might want to develop. Reflect on what you could gain by including and integrating more of this elusive element in your life to make 2007 the most balanced, fulfilled year yet.

Inquiry: When am I in my natural element?

Action: Translate your findings into action; use metaphor to inform you. For example, how could you incorporate more Earth to give your natural dynamism of Wood a sold grounding to grow from? Notice what value it adds to your understanding of self to look to the qualities of the natural elements.

**** This blog provides an ideal structure (Metal!) for the expressive, creative energy of Fire. As I'm committing to several new writing ventures in 2007, I shall be bending the metal and Doing Things Differently will become monthly in the new year. I look forward to connecting with you then! ****

#29 - Christmas

2006-12-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

How do you feel about Christmas??

This time of year seems to bring up a lot of emotions and opinions. We seem to either love it or hate it.

I lived in the 'Eco Scrooge' position for several years, grumbling passionately about the evils of consumerism. It was a very constrictive perspective - the pattern being that I avoided it, complained about it, avoided it some more....until the week before Christmas when I felt I'd been selfish and ungenerous and went rushing out around the kind of shops I'd been berating to make up for it.

Then I started living with a Christmas Angel. My partner absolutely adores Christmas. She starts shopping for presents on Boxing Day and accumulates a few sacks worth throughout the year. At first, this was a problem for me. I reacted against it ("urgh, clutter everywhere", "it's our materialism that's destroying the planet" - you get the idea) and then I realised: I had a choice. I could continue to relate to this time of year in terms of what I DIDN'T want... or I could get proactive and define what Christmas is about for ME.

So now I sit in a very different perspective. If I had to name it, it'd be something like 'Joining The Dots'. For me, this season of giving is now an opportunity to link up cool people with cool things. I can give him a book that links with something he's passionate about, get her a subscription to a magazine I think will inspire her, buy unique products from this artisan or that charity. There are two levels of giving going on now: I'm giving something meaningful to a loved one, whilst also endorsing and supporting organisations I love. It feels healthy, wholesome, good for the world - all big values of mine.

So, what's YOUR unique take on this time of year? If you could decide, without any external pressure, what you wanted Christmas to mean for you, what would it be? What you're doing here is choosing the lenses you want to look at Christmas through - lenses which suit YOU, fit YOU. Then give the perspective you choose a name. What's possible from this point of view? Feel how YOU are at choice here - by choosing the lenses, you decide the place from which you'll act.

(And if you're finding it hard finding a perspective which has power for you, you might like to try 'Christmas Angel' on for size. You could get wings and everything....)

Inquiry: What do I choose for Christmas to mean to me?

Action: Once you've really 'got' the perspective you choose to stand in with regards Christmas, make a list or mindmap of what you could do that would be in alignment with this. Think as widely and out-of-the-box as you can. Then choose the actions or ways of being which really resonate with you - and commit to them. Notice what it's like to be proactive at this time of year.

*** Special announcement: I now have gift certificates for my coaching in association with the International Coach Federation. Several ICF member coaches are using this arrangement. If you're interested in giving the gift of coaching to a loved one this Christmas, or want to put coaching on your wish list, do get in touch ***

#28: Opportunities (Part 3)

2006-12-03T14:32:00.000-08:00

Here are the things I want to be doing most with my working hours.... One-to-one coaching with young people, workshops for small groups of young people, and writing coaching related articles for magazines.

I have opportunities bursting out of my to-do file related to these things. Contacts, ideas, openings... And what items do you suppose remain dormant on my action list week after week? Yep, you've guessed it: 'send that article into X magazine', 'follow up with the contact at that school', 'send an email out to that wonderful young person I met'. What is that about??!! I KNOW this is what I love doing, I KNOW these activities are aligned with my values and that they will bring wondrous things to all and sundry, so what's stopping me?

Actually it's how perfect these opportunities are for me that's stopping me. Being the strange creatures we are, we humans resist that which we want the most. Some of you will know this beautiful passage by Marianne Williamson: "It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us; Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure".

Sure enough, the greater the light, the greater the shadow. We're pushing with all our might to hold a door shut; the truth is that behind that door is not what we fear, but what we yearn for. Somehow our dreams are scarier than our fears and so we settle for them remaining wishful thinking and we let opportunities pass us by. We can put out fires all over the place, in all the areas of our life we're not so bothered about, but the things we REALLY want, the opportunities we DESPERATELY want to take, we just feel stuck in.

So, what to do with this resistance? Acknowledge it. Acknowledge it's there and that its presence means you're onto something. Turn it into your tool; see it as an alarm bell ringing out 'ah ha! so THIS is what I really want!' Then reassert YOUR authority over it because no matter how strong the resistance, the big picture that opportunity leads to is so much more powerful. Decide to choose that instead.

Inquiry: What wonderful things am I resisting the most?

Action: Hire a coach. Get clear about what brings you alive, become conscious and intentional about what you're saying "yes" and "no" to, and get supported as you shine a light on your resistance and take action in spite of it. Notice what comes up for you as you read those words, notice whether the thought of actually grabbing the opportunities of life is more scary for you than settling for what you've always settled for, and decide what you're going to do about that.

#27: Opportunities (Part 2)

2006-11-27T07:11:00.000-08:00

Part 2: Yes or No?

Obviously since last week's ezine, we've all been taking advantage of opportunities left, right and centre! What you may have noticed is that every time we say "yes" to an opportunity, we are implicitly saying "no" to something else. It might be a "no" to spare time, to keeping the peace, to the status quo; because opportunities require time, energy, or a change of direction, it's evident that something's got to give. In my example last week of dancing on a table, my "no" was to playing small, being boring, being invisible.

What we can ask ourselves is: which is more ALIVE, the "yes" or the "no"? Sometimes it is the "no". I had the opportunity of running a workshop in a school tomorrow - one of my favourite things to do, something which makes me feel so alive. I've said "no", though, because I'm in the tail-end of a cold and still feeilng quite run down. In that "no", is a "yes" - to a return to full health, to resting, and being able to engage with the rest of the week, which is full of other exciting opportunities. In this case, the "no" to an opportunity feels more powerful and life-affirming.

In 2003, I told my best friend that I had feelings for her. It was SCARY to do this - I was risking our friendship, and she was with someone else at the time - but the "yes" to being truthful and open felt more important than the fear, the potential loss, and even the 'proper' way of doing things whereby you don't tell someone in a relationship that you like them! As it happened, a few months later we did get together, are still together three years on, and are planning on getting married in 2008.

Out of interest, there's an opportunity I've just said "yes" to there. It's the first time I've used the pronoun 'she' when talking about my partner in this ezine. A cautious voice tells me there's a risk there: "Don't 'out' yourself professionally. Some people won't want to hire a coach who's in a same-sex relationship". The fact that you're reading these words shows that I'm saying "no" to that voice - "no" to censorship, to trying to keep my head down in case someone has a problem with who I am. I'm saying "yes", again, to truth, to openness, to sharing the magic of love - some of my most precious values. Their pull is so much stronger.

Every opportunity that presents itself to us in our life is actually an opportunity to move deeper into our true self and away from the fears that could control us. And that is what, with every opportunity, we're really saying "yes" and "no" to.

Inquiry: By saying "yes" to this, what am I saying "no" to?

Action: Bring to mind an opportunity that you feel pulled towards. Make a list of what you would be saying "yes" to and what you would be saying "no" to. Notice which is more aligned with your true self and your values: the "yes" or the "no"? Then take action from the side your true, alive self is on.

Next week, part 3 looks at: When you feel a pull to an opportunity, and you know it's in line with your true self and values, how come there can still be resistance??

#26: Opportunities (Part 1)

2006-11-21T01:20:00.000-08:00

I've just got back from a long weekend in Manchester where writing juices flowed in abundance. So here is Part 1 of a 3-part exploration on the theme of opportunities...

Part 1: Feel The Pull

Picture the scene... It's Saturday night in Manchester. I'm in a busy club, pumping with great music, surrounded by partner and friends. Life is feeling fantastic - and then I spy an empty table... "Oh, I want to dance up there!" I murmur eagerly to my friend, feeling such a pull. She dares me: "Go on then!"

I freeze, an embarrassed self-conscious fear grounding me to the spot. My heart is pounding in my chest, I feel a little giddy. 'What a stupid idea', I hear myself rationalising, 'it's perfectly fine just dancing here'. The irrepressible spark of desire to live fully is dampened in that belief of 'it's easier to keep your head down, stay invisible, stay with the crowd'.

The opportunity is still there. I try to carry on dancing but I can't; the table is like a neon siren pulling me to it. And then suddenly, like the beep of a heart monitor jerking out of flatlining, I feel something inside wake up and grab control. It defiantly shrugs off the blanket of fear and without another word, I jump up onto the table.

I got thirty seconds of pure euphoria. An amazing track was playing, a whole room of strangers were looking up at me and grinning as I danced big and bold, as if my body were singing out to everyone: "oh my god - look - we're all alive!!!" I was totally present, fully in my body, filled with joy. I didn't care less when the security guard asked me to get down - it was one of those peak moments that I believe we all live for; those times when everything feels just perfect, as if designed specifically for you.

Opportunities are everywhere. We can dance in the street, climb a tree or talk to a stranger pretty much any day. We get chances to travel, meet someone new, jump on the back of a motorbike, take a free newspaper, go to a party or move in for a kiss. Some opportunities feel hugely life-altering, others feel frivolous. Some only exist only for a few seconds, some will be there all our life.

The cliche goes that we regret the things we don't do much more than the things we do. I can see the truth of that in my life - it reflects back to me the opportunities I've taken up and the ones I've chosen to ignore. How about you?

Inquiry: What opportunities are available to me right now?

Action: This week, notice what you do when an opportunity presents itself to you. Notice what you tell yourself about it and how your body feels. Trust your body to know if that opportunity would make you feel more fully alive and, if the answer's yes, throw off that blanket of fear and just do it.

Next week, Part 2 looks at: in a world of infinite opportunities, how to assess which ones to take up?

#25 - Fully Experienced

2006-11-13T11:43:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm feeling grumpy. Got a bit of a headache, rather lacking in motivation, feeling flat and quite uninterested. What a juicy place to be writing this ezine from.

B ecause I'd already decided our topic for today would be about fully experiencing wherever it is we are RIGHT NOW, without trying to cover it up, change it, or make it 'pretty'. This weekend I assisted with the module of my coach training which looks in depth at this area - it's called 'process coaching' because we're helping our clients be IN the process of their lives, rather than watching on as bystanders.

We do this by using the terrain of our bodies. Yes, those cumbersome things which dangle from our super-active heads! Our bodies are of course where we physically FEEL our feelings - so notice, right now, where in your body there's an emotion, a feeling. I've got a tight spot of energy in the middle of my forehead right now, pulling the skin there into a frown. Find a place that has feeling for you and get ready - we're going in...

Go to that feeling, whatever and wherever it is. Your aim is not to change it, but to fully experience it. What does it feel like there? Close your eyes and really go there. What is that feeling? Get into it a little deeper. What's a metaphor for this feeling? The tight spot on my forehead, for example, is like a clenched fist. Trust your intuition to bring a metaphor to you. And here's a secret - this is not a logical realm. Whether the metaphor's of a bird taking off, a rusty spanner, or a treasure chest full of skulls - that image is just perfect and you don't need to make sense of it!

So now go into that image, into that metaphor. Imagine you're the art director of a film - you want to really SEE this image so that you can go off and make it in your special effects department. What colours are here? What textures? What sounds, smells, tastes? Go beyond that - red like what? What kind of rough? What IS that taste of coffee like? Go deeper and deeper into that feeling in your body and that image which associates with it. And don't get attached to it. When the feeling starts transforming, when the image starts changing, go with it. Be in the NOW - check in - where are you with it RIGHT NOW??

What's the point of all this? you may ask. Well, magic happens when we really get in touch with the reality of our present moment. Somehow the doors we've locked swing open, insights come, things shift. As humans, we often avoid being in the moment when things get heavy; we don't want to be with this anger, this sadness or that fear so we stay on the surface, holding it all together. And we also often can't be with the really cool stuff - we don't fully experience our exquisite joy, our delight, our ecstasy.

I started off trying to write this ezine from some notes I'd made at the weekend. I was in my head, feebly rehashing past ideas, and what came out was writing that felt stilted, insincere, academic. Coming from my body, in the moment, what comes out is fuller, more substantial, more real. And I don't know about you but I'd prefer living a life that is more ilke that.

Inquiry: What do I find it most hard to be with?

Action: Every day this week, take time out to just be with whatever's in your body in that moment. Be with your period pain, your laughter, your irritation and your delight. Go through the process above, being fully and more fully with the experience of the moment. Notice what it's like to be fully present to yourself.

#24 - Becoming Fluent

2006-11-07T02:08:00.000-08:00

I went to a great workshop on Saturday: "Become An Inspired Entrepeneur", led by Nick Williams. I've been a huge fan of Nick's work for several years because his basic premise is that we are all meant to do work that we love and prosper from it. For more on his approach visit http://www.heartatwork.net/. Most of the ideas in the workshop weren't new to me but I noticed something shift energetically for me as I soaked up his words. There was a knowingness in me that was reactivated, parts of me remembering and resonating with this inspired perspective. It felt like he was speaking a very different language from the one most people use to speak about business-building, yet one which was very familiar to me. I was reminded of my rusty French, once fluent, which comes flooding back to me when I spend any length of time in France.

Bring to mind now an area of your life which is feeling rather stuck. Consider: what 'language' are you currently speaking in this area? What key words and phrases characterise this language? Do you often hear "can't", "should" and "that's just the way it is"? Notice that this may be a language you've been speaking for years - it's like your mother tongue. Perhaps you notice you can switch between languages depending on your mood. I know I have a predominant language of "anything is possible!" and "follow your dreams!" which can sometimes slip into "it's all too hard" or "who am I kidding?". I notice how much easier it is to stay speaking the first language when I surround myself with people, books and other material which speaks in that same way.

What languages do you surround yourself with? What languages do the people around you speak? What are the words and phrases - the messages - in the material you read, watch or listen to? When I worked in France, I sometimes dreamt in French; I was so immersed in the language that it became fluent and therefore part of my subconscious, and it's well known that this immersion technique is the most effective way of learning a new language. Bring to mind people who speak a different language from you in an area you find challenging. What words and phrases characterise their language? What's the impact on their lives when they speak this language? What would it be like for YOU to start speaking this language?

Inquiry: What 'language' do I most want to become fluent in?

Action: Make a list of all the most compelling ways for you to become fluent in this new 'language'. Maybe it's spending more time with inspirational people, going on courses, reading books or magazines, spending more time in silence, or using affirmations. Choose immersion techniques that feel right for you and commit to becoming fluent.

#23 - Mutiny

2006-10-30T05:31:00.000-08:00

We say we're committed to something - say, losing weight - yet we see from our reality that we're actually committed to eating biscuits in front of the telly. It's like the captain is giving orders to go left but all the crew are in mutiny, steering the ship to the right.

We can get curious about this - here are two suggestions:

Get Curious #1: Who would be upset if you achieved success in this area?
If you've had the message from your parents all your life that rich people are selfish, you might notice that you block receiving money. Subconsciously, you don't want your parents to think you're selfish so even though you may say you want to be wealthy, the I-don't-want-my-parents-to-be-upset mutiny is going on beneath decks.

Get curious #2: What would you have to give up?
We may say we want a loving, intimate relationship but then notice ourselves sabotaging any attempts in this direction. What don't we want to give up? Our independence, maybe, or solidarity with our single friends? For me, I notice that I sabotage the completion of projects. I'm great at the idea-generating stage, get all excited about creative ventures, and then don't see them through. If I DID turn them into reality, I may well become quite rich and famous - and that would mean giving up the safety of relative anonymity, plus the image of being a scattered, creative hippie! Notice how what you find here might link with what you discovered in #1 - sometimes by achieving a goal, what we have to give up is someone's approval.

Identifying what we want is just one piece of the picture. That's the captain getting clear on destination. Identifying what parts of us don't want to go there is the other vital piece, otherwise we'll have a mutiny on our hands for sure.

Inquiry: If I were truly successful in this area, (a) who would be upset? (b) what would I need to give up?

Action: Start really going for what you want. Send that demo tape to the record company, ask that person out, submit that article. Notice where the resistance kicks in, notice the sabotaging self-talk, examine what the mutiny is really about.

#22 - Walk In The Park

2006-10-16T01:58:00.000-07:00

I have a new routine. Every day before breakfast, I go for a walk around my neighbourhood. The cobwebs get blown away; I feel refreshed and prepared for the day. Most evenings after dinner, my partner and I do a circuit together as the sun is setting and the day is winding down. We get to process our days, smile at neighbours, simply connect.

This isn't an entirely new routine for me. In my early 20's, I spent a year travelling through Australia and New Zealand, moving from one youth hostel to another. Wherever I was, my alarm would go off at 6.30am and I would creep out of the hostel and into a new landscape. I watched the sun rise on lakes, mountains, farms, beaches and cities. I exchanged greetings with the locals and got to ponder peacefully before the world woke up. It set me up for the day.

In the years since returning to England, I'ved made excuses for why morning walks wouldn't be the same here: no oceans for a start. Yet I'm discovering that my neighbourhood has its own precious gifts. As I walk around, I hear birds, smell berries, feel the breeze on my skin. I notice things, I notice myself. All my senses wake up and I'm physically present to the changing seasons, in touch with my environment. I get to say hello to my neighbours and feel part of my community.

We humans have created a funny world of boxes - we can shut ourselves away in our houses and cars and offices and very rarely feel connected with anything greater than ourselves. When I'm in a 'boxy' place, I feel drained and unproductive. A walk is one of the quickest and easiest ways of sorting that out for me. I feel the buzz of human interaction, the world seems to expand, I feel energised and fully alive again. What does that for you?

Inquiry: What energises me?

Action: Pick an activity from your list of things which energise you. Turn it into a daily routine. Schedule it in, prepare any resources you need (CD in the stereo, ingredients in the fridge, trainers by the front door etc.) and commit to making it happen. Notice the impact on your energy levels and what impact that has on your day.

#21 - 101 Things To Do

2006-10-09T01:03:00.000-07:00

Many of us, in the midst of a busy week, have complained: "I have 101 things to do!" I want to share with you a tool I've just come across that turns this idea into an inspirational project.

A fellow coach introduced me to Melanie Orndorff's blogsite: http://www.dailyguilt.com// Do check it out. The idea is that we make a list of 101 things we want to do, give ourselves the time-frame of 1,001 days and then - do them! The original idea isn't Melanie's but I love how she's posted her list online and is blogging her journey through the items.

What I love about this idea, as a coach, is that it's fundamentally about us living fulfilling lives where we actually DO the things we yearn to do. The format is more liberating than regular to-do lists, loaded as they normally are with 'shoulds'; this way it feels like a fun game we choose to play. And the time limit makes it more motivational than a 'things to do before I die' list. We know that in a little under 3 years, we will have read this book, been to that city, achieved 101 goals!

So, on my list I have mundane tasks which will give me a sense of satisfaction to cross off (#37 Get a mobile phone which actually works), idiosyncratic pleasures (#28 Alphabeticalise my CD collection), soul-warming activities (#27 Tell stories round a campfire) and ambitions that will pull me forward (#10 Be featured in a magazine). Some I know how to do, some will be a matter of grabbing opportunities as they show up, some the list will inspire me to make happen.

This is also a great tool to share. My partner and I are creating a joint list; we're also going to have a journal in which we keep an account of each action as we complete it, to capture the memories. This turns it into a project which is both forward-looking and reminiscent. And when the 1,001 days are up, we'll start a new one. I wonder how many we'll create in our lifetime together.

You can do this as a family, within an organisation, with house mates or in any other group dynamic. It creates connection and articulates a common vision, allowing a group to share dreams and experiences.

Inquiry: What have I always wanted to do?

Action: Make your own list. Include activities which stretch you, scare you, comfort you and inspire you. Notice the impact of creating this and how you feel about the future now that you're armed with this list. Then make one together with a group you're part of. Notice what impact this has on the prevailing mood of the group and how you interact together. When your lists are made, make a note of when the 1,001 days are up - and start getting into action.

#20 - Over To Your Heart

2006-10-02T07:09:00.000-07:00

I've spent most of today embroiled in word warfare. I'm committing to a ridiculously exciting and ambitious project - namely taking coaching into schools, colleges & universities - and am at the stage of writing to key contacts in these places to introduce my work and what benefits it would have for their students. I've told myself it's CRUCIAL that I find the right words or I will never reach the young people I want to reach and so as I'm sure you can imagine, I've spent hours typing, deleting, printing, re-drafting and scowling at a computer screen. Not the most productive or 'coachy' state to be in!

I did an English degree, I trained and worked as an English teacher, I've helped countless people learn how to master words. I'm highly skilled at crafting phrases, sentences, even whole paragraphs to say exactly what I want them to say and do you know what? It's just not doing it for me. The more I craft, the further the words seem to be from what I actually feel and I feel increasingly fradulent.

So about thirty minutes ago I switched gear. I moved from my mind to my heart. I read back over my website and realised that the wording there comes very much from my heart. I loved reading it back and it feels so safe to read words which are filled with genuine love, passion, concern. And so I logged onto the Times Educational Supplement (TES) website, joined the forum of PSHE teachers there (who are responsible for personal, social & health education) and wrote to them in a very chatty, colloquial, from-the-heart place about the work I want to take into their schools. At one point, I even used the word 'hooray' and followed it with a exclamation mark.

Our minds can scare us stupid. They can tell us that we're irreconcilably separate from others and that we therefore need to be so careful about how we present ourselves if we want them to like us or think we're any good. And yet by trying to appear so clever, we can actually distance us from ourselves. We can read something we've written or hear something we've said and not recognise anything real behind it.

I'm delighted that I've posted on the TES forum in that way and I'm ready now to send a batch of letters to schools using the same heart-felt tone. I'm reminded of old Rose in the film 'Titanic' as she totters on the edge of the boat and drops the diamond into the sea below with a much amused, carefree 'oops'. She's letting go of what seems to be the right or intelligent thing to do and instead trusting that all will be well. What is YOUR diamond? What are you holding on to out of fear? What if you just let go and followed the realness of your heart?

Inquiry: What is it to come from my heart?

Action: Pick a situation where you notice you're always acting from your mind. Perhaps it's a meeting with a boss/colleague, an argument with your partner or an application letter. Notice how you would normally craft, defend or panic. Put your hand on your heart and feel how that super-connected energy of love and safety would handle this situation. Then let go of your metaphorical diamond and act from your heart, noticing the impact on you and others.

#19 - Baby Love

2006-09-25T01:30:00.000-07:00

I went to a naming ceremony this weekend. In the tradition of christenings but without the religious underpinnings, this was a gathering of family and friends, coming together to celebrate a baby girl and her life, brimming with potential. An African proverb was shared which summed it up perfectly - "it takes a whole village to raise a child". There was an atmosphere of community and shared purpose and the sentiment that was reiterated in the speeches and promises was one of unconditional love and support. All eyes were on one life, with everyone wishing her the very best. There was a sense of there being no limits - as she laughed and clapped her way through her own ceremony, everyone felt that anything was possible for this new human being.

Certain celebrities seem to live adult lives like this. Think of a football player when he scores a goal, an A-list actress on the red carpet of her film premiere, think of Big Brother when a contestant walks out of the house. They are met with a cheering, devoted crowd - their fan club, their supporters, people who seem to know all about them and truly see them. No wonder so many of us dreamed (and dream) of being famous; we yearn for that feeling we had as a newborn baby - of being truly seen, fully accepted, totally adored.

I think this is why coactive coaching is such a beautiful - and effective - process. Coaching is fundamentally the experience of two pairs of eyes looking lovingly at one person's life. The key factors of unconditional positive regard and belief in infinite possibilities for this person form the foundation of the relationship. I just started with a new client and at the end of our first session, she was feeling bowled away. She just couldn't believe that she got to spend all this time looking at herself - her dreams, her fears, all that is tough and all that is joyous - AND that someone else was there with her, doing the same, creating an environment of faith, support and encouragement.

There's an exquisite song by Sarah McLachlan - "Adia" - and the lines of the chorus are: "We are born innocent, believe me...we are still innocent; it's easy, we all falter, does it matter?" We can all give a tremendous gift to others by seeing them as innocent, as worthy of our love, and as incredible pure potential.

Inquiry: What is possible for me with unconditional support?

Action: Choose one person in your life. Commit to SEE them this week. Tell your judgements to take a hike and look at them through unconditionally loving eyes. How huge, how great can you hold them to be? This week, tell them three things you love about them that you've never told them before. Notice the impact this has on them - and on you.

#18 - Body Wisdom

2006-09-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling quite run down. It's been a busy month: lots of new work, exciting meetings, seeing friends, and frequent trips to London. I've been eating on the go, catching trains, juggling my diary and keeping up to date with email and now my body is saying: BE CALM. It's craving simple home-cooked food, sitting in nature, and early nights.

I love that our bodies work like this. They are our greatest teachers because they show us everything. When we have a headache, there's a cause. When we're feeling sick, there's a cause. We can fight these signs and take painkillers, making our body our enemy, or we can become aware and curious - what's behind this? What's the lesson here?

It can be such an exciting journey to become empowered in this way. To notice what impact different foods, behaviours and environments have on our body; to listen to our body's guidance. Our bodies are so wise, continually asking us to step into healthier ways of being. So, me feeling run down? A gift indeed :0)

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Inquiry: What is my body asking me?

Action: Commit to getting to know your body ten times better than you know it now. Be still for ten minutes and scan it. Where are the aches and pains? The tension? The comfortable places? Ask your body what it wants. And then follow its advice this week, noticing the impact this has.

#17 - Dream BIG!

2006-09-11T01:58:00.000-07:00

I've been assisting with a module of my coach training course this weekend. It's called 'Fulfilment' and is all about living the life of our dreams. It was a magical experience to train in this material myself and so to support another group of coaches as they went through the process was an honour. As human beings, we're so used to playing small and limiting ourselves; being given permission to dream of our lives as good as they can get and then support others as they do the same is a sacred, precious experience.

It can be really hard to let ourselves dream. It's like taking ourselves into a kitchen and seeing our favourite meal being cooked. We can smell it, we can go over and touch it, we may even be given a taste - but there's a voice there saying "You're never going to be able to eat it". In coaching, we name this voice which expresses our limiting beliefs as the 'saboteur' because it sabotages our impulse towards what we want. When this saboteur sits on us and gives us that heavy feeling, we can wish we'd never even known there was a kitchen, let alone a perfect meal.

Yet there is a magic that happens when we allow ourselves to dream big and when we allow ourselves to do that in spite of the saboteur. By naming our values and voicing our vision we are giving life to our dreams and calling them forth. It's like we are standing in that kitchen with our own personal chef, listing the ingredients, describing the combination of flavours, because we know that the only way we'll get that perfect meal is by asking for what we truly want.

There is a saying from Goethe which, slightly amended, reads: "Dream no small dreams for they do not have the power to move people". What are your BIGGEST dreams? How do they move you? What would make your life the most perfect it could be? What's as good as it can get? And what's 1,000 times more brilliant than that?

Inquiry: What dreams are more important than my fears?

Action: List 100 things you want to be, do and have. (This can be harder than you think!) Take a few and imagine all the details. That beach holiday - what would you be wearing? What sounds would you hear? What would the sand feel like beneath you? The car you want - what would the seats smell like? Who would you BE behind the steering wheel? Pad out the vision, paint it in technicolour in your mind. Notice the limiting beliefs which pop up - "I can't afford that", "it's selfish" - recognise them as your saboteur, and continue dreaming....

#16 - Letting Go

2006-09-04T05:11:00.000-07:00

I've been asked to write this week's Ezine on the topic of 'letting go'. Many of us seem to be moving on to a new phase, be it a new school, college, university, job, house or relationship. Things are changing and the coming of the new means the letting go of the old.

There seems to be a process operating in the world: putting energy in, perfecting,....and then letting go and moving on, taking something of value from that experience. We see it in so many places: the property developer who buys, renovates and sells on; the creation of a theatre production which has a three night run; studying two years for a two hour exam and a grade. Like the Tibetan monk who spends months creating an exquisite sand mandala only to destroy it, we too are constantly creating, growing and then moving on because another space draws us to it.

For me, the most recent moving on has been in my wardrobe. I had a rail full of perfectly decent clothes which no longer reflected who I was. I held on because I'd paid for them, because I hoped one day I'd like them again, because I doubted I would find any other clothes that would suit me. But a visit from my sister, who loves this kind of decluttering, left me with around twenty items of clothing to my name - and a much clearer, fresher, more present feeling.

Letting go of material objects can be tough. They carry memories and bonds with people & places. Money has been spent on them and by letting go we are sometimes admitting we made a purchasing mistake. Tough also are other forms of letting go. The fear of change is familiar to most; we believe 'better the devil we know' and so cling on to relationships, jobs or houses when we know it's time to move on. We find it hard letting go of 'being right' and so sacrifice peace in our relationships by holding on to our justifications and bitterness.

We can take a different perspective on letting go. Instead of seeing it as a loss, we can see it as an act of creation - we are creating the space for what we TRULY want. And with the decks clear, when we attract that to us, we can dive right in.

Inquiry: When do I find it hard to let go?

Action: Notice which area the Inquiry brings up strongest for you and commit to letting go of one thing here. Delete one name from the past from your address book, give one unwanted top to charity, or give up 'being right' in one argument. Notice what happens in the space you've created.

#15 - The Slow Lane

2006-08-28T02:57:00.000-07:00

I have spent most of my life in the fast lane. I speak fast, I eat fast, I walk fast, I read fast, I type fast and I learn fast.

But - does all this actually get me anywhere faster? People don't always understand what I say so I have to repeat myself, I can gobble down a meal without really tasting it, and I can miss the scenery. I have five books on the go and the paperwork of numerous projects on my desk. Life is so exciting that I want to do EVERYTHING! NOW! but what happens is that when the initial adrenalin rush dies down, I'm left exhausted and overwhelmed.

Somewhere along the line I associated going fast with playing big - I thought if I did things quickly it meant I did them well. What I'm now learning is that less is often more and that by slowing down, I can go further.

Yesterday, I read a paragraph of my favourite coaching textbook. Normally, I would skim it, nod excitedly and move on. This time, I read it. Then I read it again. Then I got some paper and pen and I wrote the paragraph out, slowly, deliberately, consciously, letting each word sink in. The paragraph took on so much more meaning - I could really visualise myself using the approach, and when I was in conversation an hour later, I caught myself applying the principle unconsciously and was amazed at how effective it was.

Slowing down allows me to be more present. To enjoy the depth of the moment, to focus, to savour and luxuriate in the life surrounding and within me. I think I could get quite used to the slow lane.

Inquiry: What is it to live my life slowly?

Action: Slow an activity right down. Chew every mouthful 100 times, feel every muscle of your legs as you cycle, or type deliberately, connecting with each letter on your keypad. Notice how much more there is to this action and how much more there is to you when you do this.

#14 - Feeling Alive

2006-08-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

I've become addicted to cooking. This past week, I've spent hours in the kitchen sampling new recipes. In keeping with what I experienced at One World Festival, the food is all vegan and macrobiotic and feels incredibly vibrant. Some of the veggies I'm using are even grown in my garden so you can't get much fresher than that. I used to think I didn't have the time or energy to home cook from scratch but I actually find the process makes me feel MORE alive and full of beans.

The word 'macrobios' is translated as 'big life' and that's what I feel I have. Our whole house has started buzzing with life. We've had a lot of friends round so there's been the sound of animated conversation and laughter filling the rooms. I've made a new deal with myself which limits me to 30 minutes per day on the computer which means that virtual interactions on the Net have been replaced by real, in-person connections. It's also helped reduce our electricity use - anyone else feel drained by the constant drone of computers? As if all this weren't enough, I was involved with organising the youth section of a festival at the weekend where I watched live music, danced, played games and got to hang out with loads of young people - things which always fuel me.

Food that's alive, company that's alive... I'm loving my big alive life!

Inquiry: What makes me feel truly alive?

Action: Keep two lists - one of activities which make you feel alive and one of activities which drain you. Notice which kind you fill your days with at the moment - and commit to increasing the life in your life from this moment on.

#13 - Holidays

2006-08-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

I've just returned from two weeks' holiday and feel incredible. Energised, inspired, connected, and full of fresh ideas to incorporate into my life and work.

What has occasioned this? A week in Devon, relaxing deeply with my partner and our family. And then One World Festival - which you can find out more about at www.macrobios.com. This was a holiday which nourished mind, body and spirit. We ate vegan, macrobiotic food; did Qi Gong, swam & danced around the campfire; learnt about permaculture, kinesiology & holistic health; meditated, sang & made friends for life. Travelling there by train kept our carbon footsteps light and the roundtrip was only four hours door to door which eliminated the exhaustion often felt in longer-haul holidays.

This holiday seems to fit perfectly with the theme of 'doing things differently'. It's interesting to think about what the automatic default option with holidays is....and then consider what it would be like to choose differently? Do we go on holidays to find ourselves? Find others? Discover the world? Get away from it all?

With the events in the news last week and growing awareness of the impact of aviation on the climate, people are starting to rethink holidays. Maybe we are looking closer to home and maybe we are seeking something deeper within ourselves.

Inquiry: What is it to have a 'holiday'?

(Reminder: As with other inquiries in this format, you could put the word 'holiday' in the centre of a piece of paper and let yourself brainstorm/mindmap over the week)

Action: Take a holiday as close to home as you can get. Imagine your house was a holiday home - what would you rearrange to occasion the most comfort possible? What food would you cook that would really nourish you? What would you read, what games would you play, what conversations would you have? Get a tourist guide for your area and plan a trip - if only for a couple of hours. What would you visit, where would you linger for a drink, what brave new things might you try? Notice how it feels to change your perspective on a place you may have thought was so familiar.

#12 - Waiting

2006-07-25T01:24:00.000-07:00

You may notice that it's Tuesday today and I normally post Ezines on a Monday. For any of you not in England at the moment, let me explain that we've been in a heatwave here - temperatures up to 95 degrees - and when it's hot like this, I can hear the world saying very clearly: Stop. Put away your car keys, turn off your laptop, and just BE. I struggle quite a bit with this - I like to be DOING - but yesterday, after doing 1,001 errands in the unforgiving heat, I gave in. And waited.

Today, I've woken with a spring in my step, enjoying the warmth mingled with the cool morning breeze. My perfect kind of weather - and ideal for writing this. Waiting was worth it.

Waiting. It gets a bad press. "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today." And it gets a good press. "All good things come to those who wait". What's the deciding factor? When do we wait and when do we act NOW? And what is this 'waiting' thing anyway? It's one of those abstract verbs, like 'trying', which everyone visualises differently, if at all. What image comes to your mind when you think of yourself 'waiting'? What do you feel physically? When I think of the word, I get this sense of being paused inside, my breath held, yet I know that by waiting until today to write this, I actually moved out of a stuck, paused place.

Inquiry: What am I waiting for?

Action: Play with both versions of 'waiting'. Think of something you've been waiting for and make it happen. The person whose call you're waiting for - call them. The inspiration you're waiting for to write that novel - start now. And then the other way - take the time to get it how you want it. The wedding outfit, the new bathroom suite, the birthday card - don't settle for the first thing you find, but wait until you get it just so.

NB You're going to have to wait (!) two weeks for the next Doing Things Differently Ezine as I'm on holiday. So - I have a challenge for you - write your own Ezine this week. Let your intuition guide you to that little something you want to share with the world. Luxuriate in hearing your own voice of wisdom - I bet there's a whole lot of people who'd love to hear from you.

#11 - Magic

2006-07-17T07:36:00.000-07:00

Magic happened for me on Saturday. This month I've been looking into a new phone system and had developed an extensive 'wish list' of features I wanted. My intention was to shop alone for this along Tottenham Court Road but thanks to a bizarre sequence of events, I ended up doing so with a coaching colleague. She happened to have the phone number of another coach who led us to a wonderful store that we would never otherwise have found where we found the ideal system. The process was overflowing with synchronicities - it just so happened that I mentioned something which triggered something which resulted in something else. In the shop, the entire transaction was completed in a breezy 30 minutes instead of the anticipated hours of trudging around London, we were offered a hefty discount without even asking, and I noticed that where I would normally have asked tens of questions in order to feel secure, I had an overwhelming sense of trust.

Reflecting on the experience later on the train, the word that kept coming to me was 'partnership'. I was truly in partnership with the Universe. I had done my bit (the research; committing to shopping on that day) and then when events started to go differently from how I'd planned, I allowed myself to surrender and go with the flow. I let myself be led to the right people and the right places. It was as if I were tuned in to a different channel of operating - a serene place of knowing. I smiled the whole way through, I called the shop assistants 'angels', the Universe was a safe and delightful place to be. I call it magic - how about you?

I'd love to know your responses to this week's Inquiry and I invite you to post your comments at www.doingthingsdifferently.blogspot.com. And if you'd like to sample coaching on my new magical phone, just let me know!

Inquiry: What does 'magic' mean to me?

Action: This week, look for the magic. Keep a list of synchronicities, 'coincidences' and other possible 'magical' occurrences. Aim for 20 a day. Notice what your interpretation of these events would normally be and how it now feels to call them 'magic'.

#10 - Achievement

2006-07-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

I completed my website this weekend. For some people, this would be a very common-place thing, yet for me it represented a huge achievement - the culmination of several months of writing, rewriting and getting to grips with technology. The process inspired me to define who I want to work with and why, and this is a crucial step in building my business. Doing the final checks on it, I felt my heart beating faster, with thoughts like "I can't believe it!", "I've done it!", and "Oh my God!". It was a real peak moment, full of adrenalin and delight.

Achievement is subjective; each of us has our area which requires a stretch. I remember the moment I received my degree results. Yes, it was exciting and I felt a real buzz, but academia had always come easily to me. I notice that I feel a wholesome stretch in any area involving technology or physical skills. Since being in our own home, I've been overcoming the belief that I'm DIY-illiterate and have now decorated several of our rooms. The achievement of something that was previously out of reach feels bigger than that which we already expect of ourselves.

Sometimes achievements can feel empty. Maybe we're pursuing someone else's ideals or merely ticking off a to-do list. What we realise is that it's not what we're visibly achieving that's really the clincher - it's what lies beneath. So, with my website, it's allowing me to communicate with the world, I'm autonomous, I'm being authentic, I've created it in a way which is 'outside the box'. These values are what I'm actually honouring. So, as well as achievement being a value in itself, an achievement is a vehicle for our values.

Do check out my website - http://www.youinspireme.co.uk/ and let me know what you think!

Inquiry: What achievements make me soar?

Action: List your top ten achievements to date. Then list what values each achievement was a vehicle for. Notice which values get repeated and consider how you could bring these more fully into your life TODAY.

NB There will be no e-zine next week as I'm working in Paris, accompanying 200+ 12 year olds on their school trip!

#9 - Gardens

2006-06-29T07:25:00.000-07:00

Isn't it interesting how we say we own, buy or rent a "new house" when actually what we have is land, often consisting partly of a house, partly of a garden (or two). I wonder why we think of our garden as the subsidiary, merely an add-on. We know that for our survival we need food, water, air and shelter and the garden can provide us with three, if not all four, of these things.

So, what's growing in our gardens? This week alone, I've had these encounters:

*eating strawberries with friends in the weekend sunshine
* lying on a rug watching the sun set with the birds singing around me
* a friend's BBQ with her garden lit by tealight candles and fairy lights
* playing swingball with a young boy
* picking rocket and lettuce from our veggie patch and adding it to lunch
* hearing the sounds of the neighbourhood's children playing for hours

What's growing, then, is friendship, sharing, community, nourishment, connections, health, childhood. In our gardens, things are simple, pure, basic; we get what we put in. In our gardens we can feel connected with the surrounding community as a whole, yet still retain our individual boundaries. With all this, doesn't it seem peculiar that gardening isn't taught at schools?

I first started dabbling in gardening several years ago, after time in hospital. Being surrounded by nature inspired me because it showed my cycles of growth and offered the hope of renewal. Pulling up weeds symbolised getting rid of all that I no longer needed and clearing the way for the new; in coaching, it could be seen that we "weed" for unhelpful beilefs, to make room for the seeds we choose to grow.

Action: This week, use your garden for a purpose you haven't used it for before. Take five minutes to sit out there and ask yourself what it could offer you. Maybe dinner al fresco? Perhaps rigging up a basketball net and shooting some hoops? Or how about inviting some of your neighbourhood round for a summer party? Notice how your world expands when your "home" extends into the great outdoors.

Inquiry: How can I make my world expand?

#8 - Eyesight

2006-06-20T02:58:00.001-07:00

For those of you who don't know, I am on a journey of healing. I have been short-sighted since the age of three and have a prescription of minus 11 diopters. This basically means I would need to have something very near my face to be able to see it clearly and so have worn strong glasses for all my life. As a teenager, I planned on having laser surgery when I reached 21 but I now have a different plan.

Several years ago I stumbled upon a book called 'Natural Vision Improvement' by Janet Goodrich. For the first time, I learnt that there was another way of regaining my vision which worked on eliminating the original cause of the error and this cause was - in a nutshell - strain. A normal-seeing eyeball is round, whereas a short-sighted eyeball is shaped more like a rugby ball because the muscles around and behind the eye have strained to see and so pulled the eyeball into a different shape. When light rays hit the rugby ball eyes, they refract at an angle which causes the visual blur.

Since finding this book, I've found there are many people working in this area of vision healing. Dr William Bates originated the realisation of eye problems being caused by strain and his 'Bates method' is widely practised ( http://www.seeing.org/). Meir Schneider was certified as legally blind and used the Bates method to restore his vision to a point where he can now drive without glasses ( http://www.self-healing.org/), Dr Janet Goodrich used the Bates method together with Reichian therapy and developed emotional and physical techniques (http://www.naturalvisionimprovement.net/ ), Aldous Huxley wrote 'The Art of Seeing' after using the Bates method to conquer near-blindness, and Leo Angart incorporates NLP with the Bates method (http://www.vision-training.com/ ).

The fundamental understanding of the Bates method is that in order to restore our natural vision, we need to eliminate the strain to see. The main technique used is called 'palming' which involves closing the eyes and then placing our hands over them, without touching the eyes themselves. This blocks out the light and so allows the eyes to rest.

I've had quite remarkable breakthroughs from this work. I now cycle into town (30 minutes), cook, read, work and watch telly without glasses and have gone for whole days without wearing them at all. This would have been unheard of a year ago and anyone who can relate to the degree of short-sight that I had can appreciate this achievement. My vision returns when I allow it to - when I don't strain.

Inquiry: Where do I strain?

Action: Take time out of your day for ten minutes today and just sit quietly with your eyes closed. Give palming a try. Breathe. Notice the strain dissolving and notice how that feels.

#7 - Consciously Creating

2006-06-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

This month I'm enjoying creating a website for my coaching business and what's fascinating about the process is that it's inviting me to get really clear about who I want to work with and what I have to offer them.

So let me share with you what I'm realising... My 'niche' area isn't connected so much with the gender, age, occupation etc. of a person but with what they desire to do and who I'm passionate about working with are people who want to create. This could be anything - a family, a business, a wedding, a home, a school, good health, a loving relationship, a round-the-world trip - and the common factor is: they want to create consciously. They want to create in tune with their values and when I coach people, this is the foundation from which we always start.

The main block to successful conscious creating? A belief that we're not good enough. We think that either we don't have the ability or the resourcefulness to create what we want, or we believe that we don't deserve a positive outcome in this area. And this leads us to self-sabotage - giving ourselves too many options, going round in circles, weaving a web of chaos and overwhelm. Coaching steps in at this point - creating a framework within which the client realises that they ARE able, they ARE good enough, and that the Universe is actually set up to support happiness.

My website is a tool that I'll be using to consciously create. I get to create my niche - create a client base full of people who truly inspire me by what they're creating in the world. If you've been reading this with an inner squeal of "that's me!" then I would be delighted to offer you a free sample session; just drop me an email.

Inquiry: What do I long to create?

Action: Take a piece of paper and put in the centre an aspect of your life (e.g. money, my business, health). Remind yourself of some of your values (e.g. abundance, the buzz, being of service) and surround the central word with these values. Then branch off out of the centre with more details about how this area would be if you let yourself consciously create it as big as you dare (e.g. £50,000 savings in the bank; a published article in The Guardian; running the marathon in 2007). Notice where the glass ceilings are in your imagination and where you sabotage yourself by not believing in yourself. Notice - and take one step this week that moves you into creating what you really want.

#6 - Wedded Bliss

2006-06-05T12:33:00.000-07:00

Doing Weddings Differently

I am a very proud woman as my little brother got married this weekend. Not only am I proud because he has found such a wonderful partner but because their wedding represented what they are up to in the world.

The bridge's engagement ring was bought on Ebay - they chose it together and found the perfect gem stone for her. She also made her own dress - buying material from the local market and getting some seamstress help from a neighbour. They catered the entire wedding themselves, with contributions from friends and family, including a cooking party the day before, and all the food was vegetarian - local organic wherever possible. The satisfaction they felt at being able to provide for their guests was tangible and there were some great comments heard on the day about not believing veggie food could be so delicious!

The wedding itself was held in a hotel in Wales which was right on the beach; many of the guests stayed there the night before and watched the sun go down on the sand. There were nine bridesmaids - myself included! - and we all wore our own choice of clothes and simply carried matching bouquets to create the sense of unity. After the ceremony itself, there were the photos - taken by guests rather than a hired photographer - lots of natural, unposed memories. About 20 of us then had a trip up and down the beach on the promenade train, blowing bubbles out of the sides and waving at the holiday makers. My brother then pulled off his shirt and shoes and went for a celebratory swim in the sea with the guests laughing in amazement on the shore. Would you be surprised to know that I joined him in there? - the water gorgeous and warm, the feeling exhilerating.

The reception was held right next to the Centre for Alternative Technology - a barn with haystacks, more food than we could ever have eaten, and two of the couple's friends DJ-ing the occasion. There was a trampoline, a brook, windchimes hanging everywhere, a willow bridge and - our 'hotels' for the night - 40 foot tipis! Each tipi housed around twenty guests and there was a log fire roaring through the night to keep us all cosy.

The whole weekend had such a sense of community - everyone contributing what they could and sharing their talents. It was the most enjoyable wedding I could have imagined - at a fraction of the cost of most weddings and with the event positively and wholesomely contributing to the world the married couple have started their life in. It shook all of us out of any expectations of what traditional events like weddings are all about and reminded us that these times are to be created, not merely replicated.

Action: Pick an event that's coming up for you - a birthday party, networking meeting, or even simply taking your dog for a walk. Plan it afresh. Start with who you are, what's important to you, and create from this place. Notice how different it might be from what you would have gone along with if you hadn't consciously created.

Inquiry: How do I plan?

p.s. For those of you new to this ezine, the "Inquiry" is a question which lives with you for the week (you might want to make it your screen saver or post-it note it somewhere) and hopefully brings insights about how you live your life. The "Action" is pretty self-explanatory!

p.p.s. If you would like more info on the venue they used for the reception, check out http://www.tipis.co.uk/ Let me know if there are any more details you'd like about planning an event in this way.

#5 - Core Values

2006-05-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

Doing Things Differently #5 - Core Values

I have been developing my business plan this week. Like many people, I already have goals for my life - both personally and professionally - and what coaching has added to this area is clarity on identifying the values which lie beneath the goals. Values are what makes us who we are, the things that are important to us.

I'll share with you an example... A goal I have in the financial aspect of my business plan is to be earning a certain amount of money per month. It would be tempting to leave it at that - of course I want to be earning good money from the work I do. BUT, there are deeper levels to this and so I go mining for these... At first, I realise: there's a feeling of safety which comes from a reliable income (i.e. the value is: safety). When I feel safe, I am then free - to give, to be in the flow (i.e. the deeper value is: freedom). When I feel free, I feel that I can expand and fully fill my role (i.e. the value is: fulfilling my role). And what is the role I love to fulfil? For me, it's being of service. Therefore, through this process of uncovering and delving deeper, I discover that my motivation for wanting a level of income is so that I can be of service.

When I've discovered this core value, I then make sure that I honour the value as I make my way towards the goal. So, in my business plan, I ensure that the marketing strategies I use to build my business and increase my income are all aligned with being of service to people. For me, these will include writing articles in magazines that people will gain something from, sending useful clippings from newspapers to contacts I have made, and offering free sample sessions.

Inquiry: What is truly important to me?

Action: Every day this week, honour one of your key values. If you value freedom, do something which will really allow you to feel this (e.g. dancing naked around the house!); if tranquility is important to you, make dinner time a more tranquil experience by lighting a candle and sitting in silence for a minute before eating. Whatever it is you do, notice how it feels to be living life based on your key values.

** Special Offer **
This week, I am offering a free 20 minute taster of this core value process. For the first 3 people who reply to this email, we will take a goal that you have and break it down to the core value. We will then find ways of you living this value on your journey towards the goal.

#4 - As Good As It Gets?

2006-05-22T12:19:00.000-07:00

Doing Things Differently - As Good As It Gets?

How great can our lives get before we freak out?

I've just had one of the best weekends of my life. My 27th birthday party - in our own home, the house full of people I love, my beautiful partner beside me, talking passionately about the coaching work I do, such a strong sense of community. Now, in the aftermath, it feels that the lid has been blown off my world - there's suddenly no limit to how good things can get. The voice has shut up which used to say:"stay moderate, keep your head down, you don't want the universe to realise how cool your life has got".

And what I'm staying true to now is the knowledge that I deserve this. I deserve for life to be amazing and mind-blowing and easy because... we all do. I'm holding that to be the truth for ALL of us, no exceptions.It seems that sometimes all we need to do is let ourselves believe that to be true - and then just sit back and enjoy.

Action: Each day this week make one thing you do easier than you've ever made it before. The shopping trip you normally grumble about - sing your way round the aisles. The washing up you normally resent doing - feel how soft and warm the water is. Notice how it is to let your life be easy - and notice the resistance that comes up - that part of you which says "life should be a struggle". Just notice.

Inquiry (to be thought with regards any situation): How easy can I make this?

#3 - Money

2006-05-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

Doing Things Differently - Putting Our Money Where Our Mouth Is

Today I've signed up for a couple of cool things.

Firstly, the employers at my part-time job have been insisting on paying into a pension for me so I've finally sucumbed. And what I've put my name to is an ethical fund which invests the money in alternative energy sources and the like. I already have savings accounts similar to this with ethical bank Triodos (www.triodos.co.uk) so I'm delighted to have found another way of making my money work for the world as well as for me.

Secondly, our car breakdown insurance is up for renewal. I did some research and discovered the Environmental Transport Association - the world's first climate-neutral motoring association (www.eta.co.uk).

There's so much I could say about these companies but I won't; my aim here is not to promote them (although that can be a happy by-product if you want to check out their websites!) but rather to show that we're always at choice in where we spend our money. And as our money is simply a form of our energy, it matters. It's been so easy for me to choose these options instead of the default options - all that's required is the desire to look.

Action: Take a stock check of what your money is up to. Your energy bills, home insurance, savings, mortgage, pension, charity donations, phone bill, food shop, car insurance etc. What companies are you endorsing, what organisations do you support? Notice how it feels to be putting your energy into these places.

Inquiry: Where do I spend my energy?

#2 - Getting Real

2006-05-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

Doing Things Differently #2

So, my challenge this week is to stop being nice. What on Earth’s wrong with ‘nice’? you may ask. Let me clarify – I don’t mean ‘good’ or ‘kind’ or ‘loving’; I mean ‘nice’. A wise person once sussed it out by describing it as: ‘Nothing Inside Cares Enough’ i.e. to tell you what I really think. The ‘nice’ girl who remembers her manners, is ‘nice’ and polite… basically repressing everything she’s really feeling. I’ve been playing this game all my life and I’ve now reached that point where I’m saying “enough is enough”. It’s not serving me, it’s not serving my loved ones and it’s not serving my coaching clients.

When my coach asked me: “so if you’re stopping being ‘nice’, what are you starting being?” my answer was “Authentic”. Not the expected opposite of ‘nasty’ but AUTHENTIC – a characteristic most of us would respect. Which begs the realisation: all this time I’ve been so caught up with being ‘nice’, I haven’t been REAL and so I’ve been selling people short.

What are we like when we’re being truly authentic? Like these e-zines, there’s an unedited, make-it-up-as-we-go-along quality. Nothing’s being held back – we’re giving ourselves to the world in our purest forms. There’s something so generous there.

What does the authentic me want to do? Ask yourself that question now, right in this moment. And keep asking yourself it all week – that’s just become our Inquiry. Right now I want to… just stop writing and listen to the birds singing. I pause my pen midway through that sentence and become aware of this beautiful present moment. I’d made up that being fully authentic means I’m going to want to go around insulting everyone, no holds barred, and actually I find a different authentic me than I’d expected. Who might YOU be if you let yourself get real?

Inquiry: What does the authentic me want to do right now?

Action: With one person today, be totally unapologetically authentic. Pick your nose if you want to, tell them they’re boring you if they are, or give them a 20 minute bear huge. Notice how much energy you would have tied up if you’d held back.

#1 - Starting Somewhere

2006-05-02T00:51:00.000-07:00

Doing Things Differently #1

Writer’s block. I’ve been putting off writing this e-zine for months now. I’ve tied myself in knots with trying to figure out what I want to say, how I want to say it. I’ve typed away, made notes on scraps of paper, set my palmtop up ready for…what? There’s so much to say and so where to start?

And I see now what a pattern this is for me – and for many people. Our world is so big, with so many opportunities – shiny jewels catching our eyes. We’re told we can do anything, go anywhere, be anyone… And so, where to start?

So it appears that this e-zine, the very first from me, is to be about: starting somewhere. Anywhere. Picking up a thread and following it, unravelling whatever it is coming from, and dancing all the way. Letting go of the notion of ‘perfect’ and just trusting in what is.

Which is very much like coaching. When a client presents themselves to me, I’m confronted with vastness, hugeness, expansiveness. A whole person, a whole life. Where on earth do we start? I’ve developed tools and forms etc. etc. and actually it turns out that the client knows. They give me a thread and we pull, together, and we follow and we dance; then there’s another and we do the same again. Where we’re going, neither of us truly knows – it’s not planned, it’s not rehearsed, this person’s life is an evolving mystery.

I can see now how this e-zine is like a client. Asking to let itself be written, asking for my trust in the process. I am asked to show up, to be fully present, to use the tools I have and then get out of the way so that instinct can take over.

And so this is why this e-zine comes to you unedited, unplanned, the words the same here as they were when they emerged from my pen on a Thursday evening. I’ve started. Where I’m going, I’m not so sure… but I have a strong suspicion we’ll enjoy the ride.

Each week we’ll have an Inquiry – a question designed to live with you for a period of time (e.g. a week) and bring forth insights; you might want to stick it on your fridge of store it as your screensaver. We’ll also have an Action – something for you to actually do. Play with both – you never know where they may lead.

Inquiry: What am I yearning to get started on?

Action: Pick a big juicy project which excites you but you feel totally overwhelmed by. Maybe you want to put on a play, take a round-the-world trip or introduce acupuncture into GP surgeries.. Whatever it is, get started right now. Determine what the very next step is – a step that is physical, visible, tangible. Maybe it’s to pick up the Yellow Pages, book a ‘go to travel agents’ slot in your diary, or to email your friend who you know is also interested. Notice how it feels to get started on one of your dreams.