#30 - Natural Element

This Christmas, I've had the privilege of spending time with my sister-in-law who's training in acupuncture. We've been having fascinating discussions about how Chinese medicine sees people as characterised by the five elements: Earth, Wood, Fire, Metal and Water.

According to this perspective, we all contain each element but there will be one element which is predominant - the underlying element which our life is basically all about. For me, it's Fire - passion, communication, excitement, inspiration. These attributes come naturally to me; when I'm living these, I am literally 'in my element'. The element I feel less strongly within me is Metal; this is the realm of precision, discernment, logic, focus.

Whether or not the Chinese medicine outlook resonates with you, I offer this as a useful tool we can use to identify patterns in our ways of working, our strengths and our challenges. When I look at my energy in terms of the metaphor of fire, I can see how vital the strong boundaries of metal are. An untamed fire will scatter energy and ultimately destroy its environment, whereas a fire contained within a grate will smoulder, warming and sustaining, with great energy efficiency. I can then translate this image into action. I've now reinstituted a very clear, structured business plan, precise with dates. I'm also using mindmaps to channel my creative thinking in a linear, productive way.

As we approach the turn of the calendar year, I invite you to reflect on what your natural element might be. When you feel in balance, is your natural tendency to:

• nurture, provide stability, be consistent, loyal, empathetic, "salt of the earth"? (Earth)
• aspire, grow, develop, move forward dynamically, with the strength & flexibility of a tree in spring? (Wood)
• be warm, full of vitality, loving, joyful, give and receive happiness, entertain? (Fire)
• reason logically, let go of what you no longer need, have clarity & boundaries, give & receive respect? (Metal)
• adapt, deal with whatever comes in a relaxed yet tenacious way, take the path of least resistance, conserve energy? (Water)

Remember - you'll find all elements within you but one is more likely to feel like 'home'.

Now consider: what is it you find difficult in yourself and others? Perhaps you feel uncomfortable in a certain type of person's company or when you apply yourself to a particular situation. What characteristics are present? Look at which element this most corresponds with; this is an element you might want to develop. Reflect on what you could gain by including and integrating more of this elusive element in your life to make 2007 the most balanced, fulfilled year yet.

Inquiry: When am I in my natural element?

Action: Translate your findings into action; use metaphor to inform you. For example, how could you incorporate more Earth to give your natural dynamism of Wood a sold grounding to grow from? Notice what value it adds to your understanding of self to look to the qualities of the natural elements.

**** This blog provides an ideal structure (Metal!) for the expressive, creative energy of Fire. As I'm committing to several new writing ventures in 2007, I shall be bending the metal and Doing Things Differently will become monthly in the new year. I look forward to connecting with you then! ****

#29 - Christmas

How do you feel about Christmas??

This time of year seems to bring up a lot of emotions and opinions. We seem to either love it or hate it.

I lived in the 'Eco Scrooge' position for several years, grumbling passionately about the evils of consumerism. It was a very constrictive perspective - the pattern being that I avoided it, complained about it, avoided it some more....until the week before Christmas when I felt I'd been selfish and ungenerous and went rushing out around the kind of shops I'd been berating to make up for it.

Then I started living with a Christmas Angel. My partner absolutely adores Christmas. She starts shopping for presents on Boxing Day and accumulates a few sacks worth throughout the year. At first, this was a problem for me. I reacted against it ("urgh, clutter everywhere", "it's our materialism that's destroying the planet" - you get the idea) and then I realised: I had a choice. I could continue to relate to this time of year in terms of what I DIDN'T want... or I could get proactive and define what Christmas is about for ME.

So now I sit in a very different perspective. If I had to name it, it'd be something like 'Joining The Dots'. For me, this season of giving is now an opportunity to link up cool people with cool things. I can give him a book that links with something he's passionate about, get her a subscription to a magazine I think will inspire her, buy unique products from this artisan or that charity. There are two levels of giving going on now: I'm giving something meaningful to a loved one, whilst also endorsing and supporting organisations I love. It feels healthy, wholesome, good for the world - all big values of mine.

So, what's YOUR unique take on this time of year? If you could decide, without any external pressure, what you wanted Christmas to mean for you, what would it be? What you're doing here is choosing the lenses you want to look at Christmas through - lenses which suit YOU, fit YOU. Then give the perspective you choose a name. What's possible from this point of view? Feel how YOU are at choice here - by choosing the lenses, you decide the place from which you'll act.

(And if you're finding it hard finding a perspective which has power for you, you might like to try 'Christmas Angel' on for size. You could get wings and everything....)

Inquiry: What do I choose for Christmas to mean to me?

Action: Once you've really 'got' the perspective you choose to stand in with regards Christmas, make a list or mindmap of what you could do that would be in alignment with this. Think as widely and out-of-the-box as you can. Then choose the actions or ways of being which really resonate with you - and commit to them. Notice what it's like to be proactive at this time of year.

*** Special announcement: I now have gift certificates for my coaching in association with the International Coach Federation. Several ICF member coaches are using this arrangement. If you're interested in giving the gift of coaching to a loved one this Christmas, or want to put coaching on your wish list, do get in touch ***

#28: Opportunities (Part 3)

Here are the things I want to be doing most with my working hours.... One-to-one coaching with young people, workshops for small groups of young people, and writing coaching related articles for magazines.

I have opportunities bursting out of my to-do file related to these things. Contacts, ideas, openings... And what items do you suppose remain dormant on my action list week after week? Yep, you've guessed it: 'send that article into X magazine', 'follow up with the contact at that school', 'send an email out to that wonderful young person I met'. What is that about??!! I KNOW this is what I love doing, I KNOW these activities are aligned with my values and that they will bring wondrous things to all and sundry, so what's stopping me?

Actually it's how perfect these opportunities are for me that's stopping me. Being the strange creatures we are, we humans resist that which we want the most. Some of you will know this beautiful passage by Marianne Williamson: "It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us; Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure".

Sure enough, the greater the light, the greater the shadow. We're pushing with all our might to hold a door shut; the truth is that behind that door is not what we fear, but what we yearn for. Somehow our dreams are scarier than our fears and so we settle for them remaining wishful thinking and we let opportunities pass us by. We can put out fires all over the place, in all the areas of our life we're not so bothered about, but the things we REALLY want, the opportunities we DESPERATELY want to take, we just feel stuck in.

So, what to do with this resistance? Acknowledge it. Acknowledge it's there and that its presence means you're onto something. Turn it into your tool; see it as an alarm bell ringing out 'ah ha! so THIS is what I really want!' Then reassert YOUR authority over it because no matter how strong the resistance, the big picture that opportunity leads to is so much more powerful. Decide to choose that instead.

Inquiry: What wonderful things am I resisting the most?

Action: Hire a coach. Get clear about what brings you alive, become conscious and intentional about what you're saying "yes" and "no" to, and get supported as you shine a light on your resistance and take action in spite of it. Notice what comes up for you as you read those words, notice whether the thought of actually grabbing the opportunities of life is more scary for you than settling for what you've always settled for, and decide what you're going to do about that.

#27: Opportunities (Part 2)

Part 2: Yes or No?

Obviously since last week's ezine, we've all been taking advantage of opportunities left, right and centre! What you may have noticed is that every time we say "yes" to an opportunity, we are implicitly saying "no" to something else. It might be a "no" to spare time, to keeping the peace, to the status quo; because opportunities require time, energy, or a change of direction, it's evident that something's got to give. In my example last week of dancing on a table, my "no" was to playing small, being boring, being invisible.

What we can ask ourselves is: which is more ALIVE, the "yes" or the "no"? Sometimes it is the "no". I had the opportunity of running a workshop in a school tomorrow - one of my favourite things to do, something which makes me feel so alive. I've said "no", though, because I'm in the tail-end of a cold and still feeilng quite run down. In that "no", is a "yes" - to a return to full health, to resting, and being able to engage with the rest of the week, which is full of other exciting opportunities. In this case, the "no" to an opportunity feels more powerful and life-affirming.

In 2003, I told my best friend that I had feelings for her. It was SCARY to do this - I was risking our friendship, and she was with someone else at the time - but the "yes" to being truthful and open felt more important than the fear, the potential loss, and even the 'proper' way of doing things whereby you don't tell someone in a relationship that you like them! As it happened, a few months later we did get together, are still together three years on, and are planning on getting married in 2008.

Out of interest, there's an opportunity I've just said "yes" to there. It's the first time I've used the pronoun 'she' when talking about my partner in this ezine. A cautious voice tells me there's a risk there: "Don't 'out' yourself professionally. Some people won't want to hire a coach who's in a same-sex relationship". The fact that you're reading these words shows that I'm saying "no" to that voice - "no" to censorship, to trying to keep my head down in case someone has a problem with who I am. I'm saying "yes", again, to truth, to openness, to sharing the magic of love - some of my most precious values. Their pull is so much stronger.

Every opportunity that presents itself to us in our life is actually an opportunity to move deeper into our true self and away from the fears that could control us. And that is what, with every opportunity, we're really saying "yes" and "no" to.

Inquiry: By saying "yes" to this, what am I saying "no" to?

Action: Bring to mind an opportunity that you feel pulled towards. Make a list of what you would be saying "yes" to and what you would be saying "no" to. Notice which is more aligned with your true self and your values: the "yes" or the "no"? Then take action from the side your true, alive self is on.

Next week, part 3 looks at: When you feel a pull to an opportunity, and you know it's in line with your true self and values, how come there can still be resistance??

#26: Opportunities (Part 1)

I've just got back from a long weekend in Manchester where writing juices flowed in abundance. So here is Part 1 of a 3-part exploration on the theme of opportunities...

Part 1: Feel The Pull

Picture the scene... It's Saturday night in Manchester. I'm in a busy club, pumping with great music, surrounded by partner and friends. Life is feeling fantastic - and then I spy an empty table... "Oh, I want to dance up there!" I murmur eagerly to my friend, feeling such a pull. She dares me: "Go on then!"

I freeze, an embarrassed self-conscious fear grounding me to the spot. My heart is pounding in my chest, I feel a little giddy. 'What a stupid idea', I hear myself rationalising, 'it's perfectly fine just dancing here'. The irrepressible spark of desire to live fully is dampened in that belief of 'it's easier to keep your head down, stay invisible, stay with the crowd'.

The opportunity is still there. I try to carry on dancing but I can't; the table is like a neon siren pulling me to it. And then suddenly, like the beep of a heart monitor jerking out of flatlining, I feel something inside wake up and grab control. It defiantly shrugs off the blanket of fear and without another word, I jump up onto the table.

I got thirty seconds of pure euphoria. An amazing track was playing, a whole room of strangers were looking up at me and grinning as I danced big and bold, as if my body were singing out to everyone: "oh my god - look - we're all alive!!!" I was totally present, fully in my body, filled with joy. I didn't care less when the security guard asked me to get down - it was one of those peak moments that I believe we all live for; those times when everything feels just perfect, as if designed specifically for you.

Opportunities are everywhere. We can dance in the street, climb a tree or talk to a stranger pretty much any day. We get chances to travel, meet someone new, jump on the back of a motorbike, take a free newspaper, go to a party or move in for a kiss. Some opportunities feel hugely life-altering, others feel frivolous. Some only exist only for a few seconds, some will be there all our life.

The cliche goes that we regret the things we don't do much more than the things we do. I can see the truth of that in my life - it reflects back to me the opportunities I've taken up and the ones I've chosen to ignore. How about you?

Inquiry: What opportunities are available to me right now?

Action: This week, notice what you do when an opportunity presents itself to you. Notice what you tell yourself about it and how your body feels. Trust your body to know if that opportunity would make you feel more fully alive and, if the answer's yes, throw off that blanket of fear and just do it.

Next week, Part 2 looks at: in a world of infinite opportunities, how to assess which ones to take up?

#25 - Fully Experienced

Right now I'm feeling grumpy. Got a bit of a headache, rather lacking in motivation, feeling flat and quite uninterested. What a juicy place to be writing this ezine from.

B ecause I'd already decided our topic for today would be about fully experiencing wherever it is we are RIGHT NOW, without trying to cover it up, change it, or make it 'pretty'. This weekend I assisted with the module of my coach training which looks in depth at this area - it's called 'process coaching' because we're helping our clients be IN the process of their lives, rather than watching on as bystanders.

We do this by using the terrain of our bodies. Yes, those cumbersome things which dangle from our super-active heads! Our bodies are of course where we physically FEEL our feelings - so notice, right now, where in your body there's an emotion, a feeling. I've got a tight spot of energy in the middle of my forehead right now, pulling the skin there into a frown. Find a place that has feeling for you and get ready - we're going in...

Go to that feeling, whatever and wherever it is. Your aim is not to change it, but to fully experience it. What does it feel like there? Close your eyes and really go there. What is that feeling? Get into it a little deeper. What's a metaphor for this feeling? The tight spot on my forehead, for example, is like a clenched fist. Trust your intuition to bring a metaphor to you. And here's a secret - this is not a logical realm. Whether the metaphor's of a bird taking off, a rusty spanner, or a treasure chest full of skulls - that image is just perfect and you don't need to make sense of it!

So now go into that image, into that metaphor. Imagine you're the art director of a film - you want to really SEE this image so that you can go off and make it in your special effects department. What colours are here? What textures? What sounds, smells, tastes? Go beyond that - red like what? What kind of rough? What IS that taste of coffee like? Go deeper and deeper into that feeling in your body and that image which associates with it. And don't get attached to it. When the feeling starts transforming, when the image starts changing, go with it. Be in the NOW - check in - where are you with it RIGHT NOW??

What's the point of all this? you may ask. Well, magic happens when we really get in touch with the reality of our present moment. Somehow the doors we've locked swing open, insights come, things shift. As humans, we often avoid being in the moment when things get heavy; we don't want to be with this anger, this sadness or that fear so we stay on the surface, holding it all together. And we also often can't be with the really cool stuff - we don't fully experience our exquisite joy, our delight, our ecstasy.

I started off trying to write this ezine from some notes I'd made at the weekend. I was in my head, feebly rehashing past ideas, and what came out was writing that felt stilted, insincere, academic. Coming from my body, in the moment, what comes out is fuller, more substantial, more real. And I don't know about you but I'd prefer living a life that is more ilke that.

Inquiry: What do I find it most hard to be with?

Action: Every day this week, take time out to just be with whatever's in your body in that moment. Be with your period pain, your laughter, your irritation and your delight. Go through the process above, being fully and more fully with the experience of the moment. Notice what it's like to be fully present to yourself.

#24 - Becoming Fluent

I went to a great workshop on Saturday: "Become An Inspired Entrepeneur", led by Nick Williams. I've been a huge fan of Nick's work for several years because his basic premise is that we are all meant to do work that we love and prosper from it. For more on his approach visit http://www.heartatwork.net/. Most of the ideas in the workshop weren't new to me but I noticed something shift energetically for me as I soaked up his words. There was a knowingness in me that was reactivated, parts of me remembering and resonating with this inspired perspective. It felt like he was speaking a very different language from the one most people use to speak about business-building, yet one which was very familiar to me. I was reminded of my rusty French, once fluent, which comes flooding back to me when I spend any length of time in France.

Bring to mind now an area of your life which is feeling rather stuck. Consider: what 'language' are you currently speaking in this area? What key words and phrases characterise this language? Do you often hear "can't", "should" and "that's just the way it is"? Notice that this may be a language you've been speaking for years - it's like your mother tongue. Perhaps you notice you can switch between languages depending on your mood. I know I have a predominant language of "anything is possible!" and "follow your dreams!" which can sometimes slip into "it's all too hard" or "who am I kidding?". I notice how much easier it is to stay speaking the first language when I surround myself with people, books and other material which speaks in that same way.

What languages do you surround yourself with? What languages do the people around you speak? What are the words and phrases - the messages - in the material you read, watch or listen to? When I worked in France, I sometimes dreamt in French; I was so immersed in the language that it became fluent and therefore part of my subconscious, and it's well known that this immersion technique is the most effective way of learning a new language. Bring to mind people who speak a different language from you in an area you find challenging. What words and phrases characterise their language? What's the impact on their lives when they speak this language? What would it be like for YOU to start speaking this language?

Inquiry: What 'language' do I most want to become fluent in?

Action: Make a list of all the most compelling ways for you to become fluent in this new 'language'. Maybe it's spending more time with inspirational people, going on courses, reading books or magazines, spending more time in silence, or using affirmations. Choose immersion techniques that feel right for you and commit to becoming fluent.

#23 - Mutiny

We say we're committed to something - say, losing weight - yet we see from our reality that we're actually committed to eating biscuits in front of the telly. It's like the captain is giving orders to go left but all the crew are in mutiny, steering the ship to the right.

We can get curious about this - here are two suggestions:

Get Curious #1: Who would be upset if you achieved success in this area?
If you've had the message from your parents all your life that rich people are selfish, you might notice that you block receiving money. Subconsciously, you don't want your parents to think you're selfish so even though you may say you want to be wealthy, the I-don't-want-my-parents-to-be-upset mutiny is going on beneath decks.

Get curious #2: What would you have to give up?
We may say we want a loving, intimate relationship but then notice ourselves sabotaging any attempts in this direction. What don't we want to give up? Our independence, maybe, or solidarity with our single friends? For me, I notice that I sabotage the completion of projects. I'm great at the idea-generating stage, get all excited about creative ventures, and then don't see them through. If I DID turn them into reality, I may well become quite rich and famous - and that would mean giving up the safety of relative anonymity, plus the image of being a scattered, creative hippie! Notice how what you find here might link with what you discovered in #1 - sometimes by achieving a goal, what we have to give up is someone's approval.

Identifying what we want is just one piece of the picture. That's the captain getting clear on destination. Identifying what parts of us don't want to go there is the other vital piece, otherwise we'll have a mutiny on our hands for sure.

Inquiry: If I were truly successful in this area, (a) who would be upset? (b) what would I need to give up?

Action: Start really going for what you want. Send that demo tape to the record company, ask that person out, submit that article. Notice where the resistance kicks in, notice the sabotaging self-talk, examine what the mutiny is really about.

#22 - Walk In The Park

I have a new routine. Every day before breakfast, I go for a walk around my neighbourhood. The cobwebs get blown away; I feel refreshed and prepared for the day. Most evenings after dinner, my partner and I do a circuit together as the sun is setting and the day is winding down. We get to process our days, smile at neighbours, simply connect.

This isn't an entirely new routine for me. In my early 20's, I spent a year travelling through Australia and New Zealand, moving from one youth hostel to another. Wherever I was, my alarm would go off at 6.30am and I would creep out of the hostel and into a new landscape. I watched the sun rise on lakes, mountains, farms, beaches and cities. I exchanged greetings with the locals and got to ponder peacefully before the world woke up. It set me up for the day.

In the years since returning to England, I'ved made excuses for why morning walks wouldn't be the same here: no oceans for a start. Yet I'm discovering that my neighbourhood has its own precious gifts. As I walk around, I hear birds, smell berries, feel the breeze on my skin. I notice things, I notice myself. All my senses wake up and I'm physically present to the changing seasons, in touch with my environment. I get to say hello to my neighbours and feel part of my community.

We humans have created a funny world of boxes - we can shut ourselves away in our houses and cars and offices and very rarely feel connected with anything greater than ourselves. When I'm in a 'boxy' place, I feel drained and unproductive. A walk is one of the quickest and easiest ways of sorting that out for me. I feel the buzz of human interaction, the world seems to expand, I feel energised and fully alive again. What does that for you?

Inquiry: What energises me?

Action: Pick an activity from your list of things which energise you. Turn it into a daily routine. Schedule it in, prepare any resources you need (CD in the stereo, ingredients in the fridge, trainers by the front door etc.) and commit to making it happen. Notice the impact on your energy levels and what impact that has on your day.

#21 - 101 Things To Do

Many of us, in the midst of a busy week, have complained: "I have 101 things to do!" I want to share with you a tool I've just come across that turns this idea into an inspirational project.

A fellow coach introduced me to Melanie Orndorff's blogsite: http://www.dailyguilt.com// Do check it out. The idea is that we make a list of 101 things we want to do, give ourselves the time-frame of 1,001 days and then - do them! The original idea isn't Melanie's but I love how she's posted her list online and is blogging her journey through the items.

What I love about this idea, as a coach, is that it's fundamentally about us living fulfilling lives where we actually DO the things we yearn to do. The format is more liberating than regular to-do lists, loaded as they normally are with 'shoulds'; this way it feels like a fun game we choose to play. And the time limit makes it more motivational than a 'things to do before I die' list. We know that in a little under 3 years, we will have read this book, been to that city, achieved 101 goals!

So, on my list I have mundane tasks which will give me a sense of satisfaction to cross off (#37 Get a mobile phone which actually works), idiosyncratic pleasures (#28 Alphabeticalise my CD collection), soul-warming activities (#27 Tell stories round a campfire) and ambitions that will pull me forward (#10 Be featured in a magazine). Some I know how to do, some will be a matter of grabbing opportunities as they show up, some the list will inspire me to make happen.

This is also a great tool to share. My partner and I are creating a joint list; we're also going to have a journal in which we keep an account of each action as we complete it, to capture the memories. This turns it into a project which is both forward-looking and reminiscent. And when the 1,001 days are up, we'll start a new one. I wonder how many we'll create in our lifetime together.

You can do this as a family, within an organisation, with house mates or in any other group dynamic. It creates connection and articulates a common vision, allowing a group to share dreams and experiences.

Inquiry: What have I always wanted to do?

Action: Make your own list. Include activities which stretch you, scare you, comfort you and inspire you. Notice the impact of creating this and how you feel about the future now that you're armed with this list. Then make one together with a group you're part of. Notice what impact this has on the prevailing mood of the group and how you interact together. When your lists are made, make a note of when the 1,001 days are up - and start getting into action.

#20 - Over To Your Heart

I've spent most of today embroiled in word warfare. I'm committing to a ridiculously exciting and ambitious project - namely taking coaching into schools, colleges & universities - and am at the stage of writing to key contacts in these places to introduce my work and what benefits it would have for their students. I've told myself it's CRUCIAL that I find the right words or I will never reach the young people I want to reach and so as I'm sure you can imagine, I've spent hours typing, deleting, printing, re-drafting and scowling at a computer screen. Not the most productive or 'coachy' state to be in!

I did an English degree, I trained and worked as an English teacher, I've helped countless people learn how to master words. I'm highly skilled at crafting phrases, sentences, even whole paragraphs to say exactly what I want them to say and do you know what? It's just not doing it for me. The more I craft, the further the words seem to be from what I actually feel and I feel increasingly fradulent.

So about thirty minutes ago I switched gear. I moved from my mind to my heart. I read back over my website and realised that the wording there comes very much from my heart. I loved reading it back and it feels so safe to read words which are filled with genuine love, passion, concern. And so I logged onto the Times Educational Supplement (TES) website, joined the forum of PSHE teachers there (who are responsible for personal, social & health education) and wrote to them in a very chatty, colloquial, from-the-heart place about the work I want to take into their schools. At one point, I even used the word 'hooray' and followed it with a exclamation mark.

Our minds can scare us stupid. They can tell us that we're irreconcilably separate from others and that we therefore need to be so careful about how we present ourselves if we want them to like us or think we're any good. And yet by trying to appear so clever, we can actually distance us from ourselves. We can read something we've written or hear something we've said and not recognise anything real behind it.

I'm delighted that I've posted on the TES forum in that way and I'm ready now to send a batch of letters to schools using the same heart-felt tone. I'm reminded of old Rose in the film 'Titanic' as she totters on the edge of the boat and drops the diamond into the sea below with a much amused, carefree 'oops'. She's letting go of what seems to be the right or intelligent thing to do and instead trusting that all will be well. What is YOUR diamond? What are you holding on to out of fear? What if you just let go and followed the realness of your heart?

Inquiry: What is it to come from my heart?

Action: Pick a situation where you notice you're always acting from your mind. Perhaps it's a meeting with a boss/colleague, an argument with your partner or an application letter. Notice how you would normally craft, defend or panic. Put your hand on your heart and feel how that super-connected energy of love and safety would handle this situation. Then let go of your metaphorical diamond and act from your heart, noticing the impact on you and others.

#19 - Baby Love

I went to a naming ceremony this weekend. In the tradition of christenings but without the religious underpinnings, this was a gathering of family and friends, coming together to celebrate a baby girl and her life, brimming with potential. An African proverb was shared which summed it up perfectly - "it takes a whole village to raise a child". There was an atmosphere of community and shared purpose and the sentiment that was reiterated in the speeches and promises was one of unconditional love and support. All eyes were on one life, with everyone wishing her the very best. There was a sense of there being no limits - as she laughed and clapped her way through her own ceremony, everyone felt that anything was possible for this new human being.

Certain celebrities seem to live adult lives like this. Think of a football player when he scores a goal, an A-list actress on the red carpet of her film premiere, think of Big Brother when a contestant walks out of the house. They are met with a cheering, devoted crowd - their fan club, their supporters, people who seem to know all about them and truly see them. No wonder so many of us dreamed (and dream) of being famous; we yearn for that feeling we had as a newborn baby - of being truly seen, fully accepted, totally adored.

I think this is why coactive coaching is such a beautiful - and effective - process. Coaching is fundamentally the experience of two pairs of eyes looking lovingly at one person's life. The key factors of unconditional positive regard and belief in infinite possibilities for this person form the foundation of the relationship. I just started with a new client and at the end of our first session, she was feeling bowled away. She just couldn't believe that she got to spend all this time looking at herself - her dreams, her fears, all that is tough and all that is joyous - AND that someone else was there with her, doing the same, creating an environment of faith, support and encouragement.

There's an exquisite song by Sarah McLachlan - "Adia" - and the lines of the chorus are: "We are born innocent, believe me...we are still innocent; it's easy, we all falter, does it matter?" We can all give a tremendous gift to others by seeing them as innocent, as worthy of our love, and as incredible pure potential.

Inquiry: What is possible for me with unconditional support?

Action: Choose one person in your life. Commit to SEE them this week. Tell your judgements to take a hike and look at them through unconditionally loving eyes. How huge, how great can you hold them to be? This week, tell them three things you love about them that you've never told them before. Notice the impact this has on them - and on you.

#18 - Body Wisdom

I'm feeling quite run down. It's been a busy month: lots of new work, exciting meetings, seeing friends, and frequent trips to London. I've been eating on the go, catching trains, juggling my diary and keeping up to date with email and now my body is saying: BE CALM. It's craving simple home-cooked food, sitting in nature, and early nights.

I love that our bodies work like this. They are our greatest teachers because they show us everything. When we have a headache, there's a cause. When we're feeling sick, there's a cause. We can fight these signs and take painkillers, making our body our enemy, or we can become aware and curious - what's behind this? What's the lesson here?

It can be such an exciting journey to become empowered in this way. To notice what impact different foods, behaviours and environments have on our body; to listen to our body's guidance. Our bodies are so wise, continually asking us to step into healthier ways of being. So, me feeling run down? A gift indeed :0)


---------------------------------------
Inquiry: What is my body asking me?

Action: Commit to getting to know your body ten times better than you know it now. Be still for ten minutes and scan it. Where are the aches and pains? The tension? The comfortable places? Ask your body what it wants. And then follow its advice this week, noticing the impact this has.

#17 - Dream BIG!

I've been assisting with a module of my coach training course this weekend. It's called 'Fulfilment' and is all about living the life of our dreams. It was a magical experience to train in this material myself and so to support another group of coaches as they went through the process was an honour. As human beings, we're so used to playing small and limiting ourselves; being given permission to dream of our lives as good as they can get and then support others as they do the same is a sacred, precious experience.

It can be really hard to let ourselves dream. It's like taking ourselves into a kitchen and seeing our favourite meal being cooked. We can smell it, we can go over and touch it, we may even be given a taste - but there's a voice there saying "You're never going to be able to eat it". In coaching, we name this voice which expresses our limiting beliefs as the 'saboteur' because it sabotages our impulse towards what we want. When this saboteur sits on us and gives us that heavy feeling, we can wish we'd never even known there was a kitchen, let alone a perfect meal.

Yet there is a magic that happens when we allow ourselves to dream big and when we allow ourselves to do that in spite of the saboteur. By naming our values and voicing our vision we are giving life to our dreams and calling them forth. It's like we are standing in that kitchen with our own personal chef, listing the ingredients, describing the combination of flavours, because we know that the only way we'll get that perfect meal is by asking for what we truly want.

There is a saying from Goethe which, slightly amended, reads: "Dream no small dreams for they do not have the power to move people". What are your BIGGEST dreams? How do they move you? What would make your life the most perfect it could be? What's as good as it can get? And what's 1,000 times more brilliant than that?

Inquiry: What dreams are more important than my fears?

Action: List 100 things you want to be, do and have. (This can be harder than you think!) Take a few and imagine all the details. That beach holiday - what would you be wearing? What sounds would you hear? What would the sand feel like beneath you? The car you want - what would the seats smell like? Who would you BE behind the steering wheel? Pad out the vision, paint it in technicolour in your mind. Notice the limiting beliefs which pop up - "I can't afford that", "it's selfish" - recognise them as your saboteur, and continue dreaming....

#16 - Letting Go

I've been asked to write this week's Ezine on the topic of 'letting go'. Many of us seem to be moving on to a new phase, be it a new school, college, university, job, house or relationship. Things are changing and the coming of the new means the letting go of the old.


There seems to be a process operating in the world: putting energy in, perfecting,....and then letting go and moving on, taking something of value from that experience. We see it in so many places: the property developer who buys, renovates and sells on; the creation of a theatre production which has a three night run; studying two years for a two hour exam and a grade. Like the Tibetan monk who spends months creating an exquisite sand mandala only to destroy it, we too are constantly creating, growing and then moving on because another space draws us to it.

For me, the most recent moving on has been in my wardrobe. I had a rail full of perfectly decent clothes which no longer reflected who I was. I held on because I'd paid for them, because I hoped one day I'd like them again, because I doubted I would find any other clothes that would suit me. But a visit from my sister, who loves this kind of decluttering, left me with around twenty items of clothing to my name - and a much clearer, fresher, more present feeling.

Letting go of material objects can be tough. They carry memories and bonds with people & places. Money has been spent on them and by letting go we are sometimes admitting we made a purchasing mistake. Tough also are other forms of letting go. The fear of change is familiar to most; we believe 'better the devil we know' and so cling on to relationships, jobs or houses when we know it's time to move on. We find it hard letting go of 'being right' and so sacrifice peace in our relationships by holding on to our justifications and bitterness.

We can take a different perspective on letting go. Instead of seeing it as a loss, we can see it as an act of creation - we are creating the space for what we TRULY want. And with the decks clear, when we attract that to us, we can dive right in.

Inquiry: When do I find it hard to let go?

Action: Notice which area the Inquiry brings up strongest for you and commit to letting go of one thing here. Delete one name from the past from your address book, give one unwanted top to charity, or give up 'being right' in one argument. Notice what happens in the space you've created.

#15 - The Slow Lane

I have spent most of my life in the fast lane. I speak fast, I eat fast, I walk fast, I read fast, I type fast and I learn fast.

But - does all this actually get me anywhere faster? People don't always understand what I say so I have to repeat myself, I can gobble down a meal without really tasting it, and I can miss the scenery. I have five books on the go and the paperwork of numerous projects on my desk. Life is so exciting that I want to do EVERYTHING! NOW! but what happens is that when the initial adrenalin rush dies down, I'm left exhausted and overwhelmed.

Somewhere along the line I associated going fast with playing big - I thought if I did things quickly it meant I did them well. What I'm now learning is that less is often more and that by slowing down, I can go further.

Yesterday, I read a paragraph of my favourite coaching textbook. Normally, I would skim it, nod excitedly and move on. This time, I read it. Then I read it again. Then I got some paper and pen and I wrote the paragraph out, slowly, deliberately, consciously, letting each word sink in. The paragraph took on so much more meaning - I could really visualise myself using the approach, and when I was in conversation an hour later, I caught myself applying the principle unconsciously and was amazed at how effective it was.

Slowing down allows me to be more present. To enjoy the depth of the moment, to focus, to savour and luxuriate in the life surrounding and within me. I think I could get quite used to the slow lane.

Inquiry: What is it to live my life slowly?

Action: Slow an activity right down. Chew every mouthful 100 times, feel every muscle of your legs as you cycle, or type deliberately, connecting with each letter on your keypad. Notice how much more there is to this action and how much more there is to you when you do this.

#14 - Feeling Alive

I've become addicted to cooking. This past week, I've spent hours in the kitchen sampling new recipes. In keeping with what I experienced at One World Festival, the food is all vegan and macrobiotic and feels incredibly vibrant. Some of the veggies I'm using are even grown in my garden so you can't get much fresher than that. I used to think I didn't have the time or energy to home cook from scratch but I actually find the process makes me feel MORE alive and full of beans.

The word 'macrobios' is translated as 'big life' and that's what I feel I have. Our whole house has started buzzing with life. We've had a lot of friends round so there's been the sound of animated conversation and laughter filling the rooms. I've made a new deal with myself which limits me to 30 minutes per day on the computer which means that virtual interactions on the Net have been replaced by real, in-person connections. It's also helped reduce our electricity use - anyone else feel drained by the constant drone of computers? As if all this weren't enough, I was involved with organising the youth section of a festival at the weekend where I watched live music, danced, played games and got to hang out with loads of young people - things which always fuel me.

Food that's alive, company that's alive... I'm loving my big alive life!

Inquiry: What makes me feel truly alive?

Action: Keep two lists - one of activities which make you feel alive and one of activities which drain you. Notice which kind you fill your days with at the moment - and commit to increasing the life in your life from this moment on.

#13 - Holidays

I've just returned from two weeks' holiday and feel incredible. Energised, inspired, connected, and full of fresh ideas to incorporate into my life and work.

What has occasioned this? A week in Devon, relaxing deeply with my partner and our family. And then One World Festival - which you can find out more about at www.macrobios.com. This was a holiday which nourished mind, body and spirit. We ate vegan, macrobiotic food; did Qi Gong, swam & danced around the campfire; learnt about permaculture, kinesiology & holistic health; meditated, sang & made friends for life. Travelling there by train kept our carbon footsteps light and the roundtrip was only four hours door to door which eliminated the exhaustion often felt in longer-haul holidays.

This holiday seems to fit perfectly with the theme of 'doing things differently'. It's interesting to think about what the automatic default option with holidays is....and then consider what it would be like to choose differently? Do we go on holidays to find ourselves? Find others? Discover the world? Get away from it all?

With the events in the news last week and growing awareness of the impact of aviation on the climate, people are starting to rethink holidays. Maybe we are looking closer to home and maybe we are seeking something deeper within ourselves.

Inquiry: What is it to have a 'holiday'?

(Reminder: As with other inquiries in this format, you could put the word 'holiday' in the centre of a piece of paper and let yourself brainstorm/mindmap over the week)

Action: Take a holiday as close to home as you can get. Imagine your house was a holiday home - what would you rearrange to occasion the most comfort possible? What food would you cook that would really nourish you? What would you read, what games would you play, what conversations would you have? Get a tourist guide for your area and plan a trip - if only for a couple of hours. What would you visit, where would you linger for a drink, what brave new things might you try? Notice how it feels to change your perspective on a place you may have thought was so familiar.

#12 - Waiting

You may notice that it's Tuesday today and I normally post Ezines on a Monday. For any of you not in England at the moment, let me explain that we've been in a heatwave here - temperatures up to 95 degrees - and when it's hot like this, I can hear the world saying very clearly: Stop. Put away your car keys, turn off your laptop, and just BE. I struggle quite a bit with this - I like to be DOING - but yesterday, after doing 1,001 errands in the unforgiving heat, I gave in. And waited.

Today, I've woken with a spring in my step, enjoying the warmth mingled with the cool morning breeze. My perfect kind of weather - and ideal for writing this. Waiting was worth it.

Waiting. It gets a bad press. "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today." And it gets a good press. "All good things come to those who wait". What's the deciding factor? When do we wait and when do we act NOW? And what is this 'waiting' thing anyway? It's one of those abstract verbs, like 'trying', which everyone visualises differently, if at all. What image comes to your mind when you think of yourself 'waiting'? What do you feel physically? When I think of the word, I get this sense of being paused inside, my breath held, yet I know that by waiting until today to write this, I actually moved out of a stuck, paused place.

Inquiry: What am I waiting for?

Action: Play with both versions of 'waiting'. Think of something you've been waiting for and make it happen. The person whose call you're waiting for - call them. The inspiration you're waiting for to write that novel - start now. And then the other way - take the time to get it how you want it. The wedding outfit, the new bathroom suite, the birthday card - don't settle for the first thing you find, but wait until you get it just so.

NB You're going to have to wait (!) two weeks for the next Doing Things Differently Ezine as I'm on holiday. So - I have a challenge for you - write your own Ezine this week. Let your intuition guide you to that little something you want to share with the world. Luxuriate in hearing your own voice of wisdom - I bet there's a whole lot of people who'd love to hear from you.

#11 - Magic

Magic happened for me on Saturday. This month I've been looking into a new phone system and had developed an extensive 'wish list' of features I wanted. My intention was to shop alone for this along Tottenham Court Road but thanks to a bizarre sequence of events, I ended up doing so with a coaching colleague. She happened to have the phone number of another coach who led us to a wonderful store that we would never otherwise have found where we found the ideal system. The process was overflowing with synchronicities - it just so happened that I mentioned something which triggered something which resulted in something else. In the shop, the entire transaction was completed in a breezy 30 minutes instead of the anticipated hours of trudging around London, we were offered a hefty discount without even asking, and I noticed that where I would normally have asked tens of questions in order to feel secure, I had an overwhelming sense of trust.

Reflecting on the experience later on the train, the word that kept coming to me was 'partnership'. I was truly in partnership with the Universe. I had done my bit (the research; committing to shopping on that day) and then when events started to go differently from how I'd planned, I allowed myself to surrender and go with the flow. I let myself be led to the right people and the right places. It was as if I were tuned in to a different channel of operating - a serene place of knowing. I smiled the whole way through, I called the shop assistants 'angels', the Universe was a safe and delightful place to be. I call it magic - how about you?

I'd love to know your responses to this week's Inquiry and I invite you to post your comments at www.doingthingsdifferently.blogspot.com. And if you'd like to sample coaching on my new magical phone, just let me know!

Inquiry: What does 'magic' mean to me?

Action: This week, look for the magic. Keep a list of synchronicities, 'coincidences' and other possible 'magical' occurrences. Aim for 20 a day. Notice what your interpretation of these events would normally be and how it now feels to call them 'magic'.

#10 - Achievement

I completed my website this weekend. For some people, this would be a very common-place thing, yet for me it represented a huge achievement - the culmination of several months of writing, rewriting and getting to grips with technology. The process inspired me to define who I want to work with and why, and this is a crucial step in building my business. Doing the final checks on it, I felt my heart beating faster, with thoughts like "I can't believe it!", "I've done it!", and "Oh my God!". It was a real peak moment, full of adrenalin and delight.

Achievement is subjective; each of us has our area which requires a stretch. I remember the moment I received my degree results. Yes, it was exciting and I felt a real buzz, but academia had always come easily to me. I notice that I feel a wholesome stretch in any area involving technology or physical skills. Since being in our own home, I've been overcoming the belief that I'm DIY-illiterate and have now decorated several of our rooms. The achievement of something that was previously out of reach feels bigger than that which we already expect of ourselves.

Sometimes achievements can feel empty. Maybe we're pursuing someone else's ideals or merely ticking off a to-do list. What we realise is that it's not what we're visibly achieving that's really the clincher - it's what lies beneath. So, with my website, it's allowing me to communicate with the world, I'm autonomous, I'm being authentic, I've created it in a way which is 'outside the box'. These values are what I'm actually honouring. So, as well as achievement being a value in itself, an achievement is a vehicle for our values.

Do check out my website - http://www.youinspireme.co.uk/ and let me know what you think!

Inquiry: What achievements make me soar?

Action: List your top ten achievements to date. Then list what values each achievement was a vehicle for. Notice which values get repeated and consider how you could bring these more fully into your life TODAY.

NB There will be no e-zine next week as I'm working in Paris, accompanying 200+ 12 year olds on their school trip!

#9 - Gardens

Isn't it interesting how we say we own, buy or rent a "new house" when actually what we have is land, often consisting partly of a house, partly of a garden (or two). I wonder why we think of our garden as the subsidiary, merely an add-on. We know that for our survival we need food, water, air and shelter and the garden can provide us with three, if not all four, of these things.

So, what's growing in our gardens? This week alone, I've had these encounters:

*eating strawberries with friends in the weekend sunshine
* lying on a rug watching the sun set with the birds singing around me
* a friend's BBQ with her garden lit by tealight candles and fairy lights
* playing swingball with a young boy
* picking rocket and lettuce from our veggie patch and adding it to lunch
* hearing the sounds of the neighbourhood's children playing for hours

What's growing, then, is friendship, sharing, community, nourishment, connections, health, childhood. In our gardens, things are simple, pure, basic; we get what we put in. In our gardens we can feel connected with the surrounding community as a whole, yet still retain our individual boundaries. With all this, doesn't it seem peculiar that gardening isn't taught at schools?

I first started dabbling in gardening several years ago, after time in hospital. Being surrounded by nature inspired me because it showed my cycles of growth and offered the hope of renewal. Pulling up weeds symbolised getting rid of all that I no longer needed and clearing the way for the new; in coaching, it could be seen that we "weed" for unhelpful beilefs, to make room for the seeds we choose to grow.

Action: This week, use your garden for a purpose you haven't used it for before. Take five minutes to sit out there and ask yourself what it could offer you. Maybe dinner al fresco? Perhaps rigging up a basketball net and shooting some hoops? Or how about inviting some of your neighbourhood round for a summer party? Notice how your world expands when your "home" extends into the great outdoors.

Inquiry: How can I make my world expand?

#8 - Eyesight

For those of you who don't know, I am on a journey of healing. I have been short-sighted since the age of three and have a prescription of minus 11 diopters. This basically means I would need to have something very near my face to be able to see it clearly and so have worn strong glasses for all my life. As a teenager, I planned on having laser surgery when I reached 21 but I now have a different plan.

Several years ago I stumbled upon a book called 'Natural Vision Improvement' by Janet Goodrich. For the first time, I learnt that there was another way of regaining my vision which worked on eliminating the original cause of the error and this cause was - in a nutshell - strain. A normal-seeing eyeball is round, whereas a short-sighted eyeball is shaped more like a rugby ball because the muscles around and behind the eye have strained to see and so pulled the eyeball into a different shape. When light rays hit the rugby ball eyes, they refract at an angle which causes the visual blur.

Since finding this book, I've found there are many people working in this area of vision healing. Dr William Bates originated the realisation of eye problems being caused by strain and his 'Bates method' is widely practised ( http://www.seeing.org/). Meir Schneider was certified as legally blind and used the Bates method to restore his vision to a point where he can now drive without glasses ( http://www.self-healing.org/), Dr Janet Goodrich used the Bates method together with Reichian therapy and developed emotional and physical techniques (http://www.naturalvisionimprovement.net/ ), Aldous Huxley wrote 'The Art of Seeing' after using the Bates method to conquer near-blindness, and Leo Angart incorporates NLP with the Bates method (http://www.vision-training.com/ ).

The fundamental understanding of the Bates method is that in order to restore our natural vision, we need to eliminate the strain to see. The main technique used is called 'palming' which involves closing the eyes and then placing our hands over them, without touching the eyes themselves. This blocks out the light and so allows the eyes to rest.

I've had quite remarkable breakthroughs from this work. I now cycle into town (30 minutes), cook, read, work and watch telly without glasses and have gone for whole days without wearing them at all. This would have been unheard of a year ago and anyone who can relate to the degree of short-sight that I had can appreciate this achievement. My vision returns when I allow it to - when I don't strain.

Inquiry: Where do I strain?

Action: Take time out of your day for ten minutes today and just sit quietly with your eyes closed. Give palming a try. Breathe. Notice the strain dissolving and notice how that feels.

#7 - Consciously Creating

This month I'm enjoying creating a website for my coaching business and what's fascinating about the process is that it's inviting me to get really clear about who I want to work with and what I have to offer them.

So let me share with you what I'm realising... My 'niche' area isn't connected so much with the gender, age, occupation etc. of a person but with what they desire to do and who I'm passionate about working with are people who want to create. This could be anything - a family, a business, a wedding, a home, a school, good health, a loving relationship, a round-the-world trip - and the common factor is: they want to create consciously. They want to create in tune with their values and when I coach people, this is the foundation from which we always start.

The main block to successful conscious creating? A belief that we're not good enough. We think that either we don't have the ability or the resourcefulness to create what we want, or we believe that we don't deserve a positive outcome in this area. And this leads us to self-sabotage - giving ourselves too many options, going round in circles, weaving a web of chaos and overwhelm. Coaching steps in at this point - creating a framework within which the client realises that they ARE able, they ARE good enough, and that the Universe is actually set up to support happiness.

My website is a tool that I'll be using to consciously create. I get to create my niche - create a client base full of people who truly inspire me by what they're creating in the world. If you've been reading this with an inner squeal of "that's me!" then I would be delighted to offer you a free sample session; just drop me an email.

Inquiry: What do I long to create?

Action: Take a piece of paper and put in the centre an aspect of your life (e.g. money, my business, health). Remind yourself of some of your values (e.g. abundance, the buzz, being of service) and surround the central word with these values. Then branch off out of the centre with more details about how this area would be if you let yourself consciously create it as big as you dare (e.g. £50,000 savings in the bank; a published article in The Guardian; running the marathon in 2007). Notice where the glass ceilings are in your imagination and where you sabotage yourself by not believing in yourself. Notice - and take one step this week that moves you into creating what you really want.

#6 - Wedded Bliss

Doing Weddings Differently

I am a very proud woman as my little brother got married this weekend. Not only am I proud because he has found such a wonderful partner but because their wedding represented what they are up to in the world.

The bridge's engagement ring was bought on Ebay - they chose it together and found the perfect gem stone for her. She also made her own dress - buying material from the local market and getting some seamstress help from a neighbour. They catered the entire wedding themselves, with contributions from friends and family, including a cooking party the day before, and all the food was vegetarian - local organic wherever possible. The satisfaction they felt at being able to provide for their guests was tangible and there were some great comments heard on the day about not believing veggie food could be so delicious!

The wedding itself was held in a hotel in Wales which was right on the beach; many of the guests stayed there the night before and watched the sun go down on the sand. There were nine bridesmaids - myself included! - and we all wore our own choice of clothes and simply carried matching bouquets to create the sense of unity. After the ceremony itself, there were the photos - taken by guests rather than a hired photographer - lots of natural, unposed memories. About 20 of us then had a trip up and down the beach on the promenade train, blowing bubbles out of the sides and waving at the holiday makers. My brother then pulled off his shirt and shoes and went for a celebratory swim in the sea with the guests laughing in amazement on the shore. Would you be surprised to know that I joined him in there? - the water gorgeous and warm, the feeling exhilerating.

The reception was held right next to the Centre for Alternative Technology - a barn with haystacks, more food than we could ever have eaten, and two of the couple's friends DJ-ing the occasion. There was a trampoline, a brook, windchimes hanging everywhere, a willow bridge and - our 'hotels' for the night - 40 foot tipis! Each tipi housed around twenty guests and there was a log fire roaring through the night to keep us all cosy.

The whole weekend had such a sense of community - everyone contributing what they could and sharing their talents. It was the most enjoyable wedding I could have imagined - at a fraction of the cost of most weddings and with the event positively and wholesomely contributing to the world the married couple have started their life in. It shook all of us out of any expectations of what traditional events like weddings are all about and reminded us that these times are to be created, not merely replicated.

Action: Pick an event that's coming up for you - a birthday party, networking meeting, or even simply taking your dog for a walk. Plan it afresh. Start with who you are, what's important to you, and create from this place. Notice how different it might be from what you would have gone along with if you hadn't consciously created.

Inquiry: How do I plan?

p.s. For those of you new to this ezine, the "Inquiry" is a question which lives with you for the week (you might want to make it your screen saver or post-it note it somewhere) and hopefully brings insights about how you live your life. The "Action" is pretty self-explanatory!

p.p.s. If you would like more info on the venue they used for the reception, check out http://www.tipis.co.uk/ Let me know if there are any more details you'd like about planning an event in this way.

#5 - Core Values

Doing Things Differently #5 - Core Values

I have been developing my business plan this week. Like many people, I already have goals for my life - both personally and professionally - and what coaching has added to this area is clarity on identifying the values which lie beneath the goals. Values are what makes us who we are, the things that are important to us.

I'll share with you an example... A goal I have in the financial aspect of my business plan is to be earning a certain amount of money per month. It would be tempting to leave it at that - of course I want to be earning good money from the work I do. BUT, there are deeper levels to this and so I go mining for these... At first, I realise: there's a feeling of safety which comes from a reliable income (i.e. the value is: safety). When I feel safe, I am then free - to give, to be in the flow (i.e. the deeper value is: freedom). When I feel free, I feel that I can expand and fully fill my role (i.e. the value is: fulfilling my role). And what is the role I love to fulfil? For me, it's being of service. Therefore, through this process of uncovering and delving deeper, I discover that my motivation for wanting a level of income is so that I can be of service.

When I've discovered this core value, I then make sure that I honour the value as I make my way towards the goal. So, in my business plan, I ensure that the marketing strategies I use to build my business and increase my income are all aligned with being of service to people. For me, these will include writing articles in magazines that people will gain something from, sending useful clippings from newspapers to contacts I have made, and offering free sample sessions.

Inquiry: What is truly important to me?

Action: Every day this week, honour one of your key values. If you value freedom, do something which will really allow you to feel this (e.g. dancing naked around the house!); if tranquility is important to you, make dinner time a more tranquil experience by lighting a candle and sitting in silence for a minute before eating. Whatever it is you do, notice how it feels to be living life based on your key values.

** Special Offer **
This week, I am offering a free 20 minute taster of this core value process. For the first 3 people who reply to this email, we will take a goal that you have and break it down to the core value. We will then find ways of you living this value on your journey towards the goal.

#4 - As Good As It Gets?

Doing Things Differently - As Good As It Gets?

How great can our lives get before we freak out?

I've just had one of the best weekends of my life. My 27th birthday party - in our own home, the house full of people I love, my beautiful partner beside me, talking passionately about the coaching work I do, such a strong sense of community. Now, in the aftermath, it feels that the lid has been blown off my world - there's suddenly no limit to how good things can get. The voice has shut up which used to say:"stay moderate, keep your head down, you don't want the universe to realise how cool your life has got".

And what I'm staying true to now is the knowledge that I deserve this. I deserve for life to be amazing and mind-blowing and easy because... we all do. I'm holding that to be the truth for ALL of us, no exceptions.It seems that sometimes all we need to do is let ourselves believe that to be true - and then just sit back and enjoy.

Action: Each day this week make one thing you do easier than you've ever made it before. The shopping trip you normally grumble about - sing your way round the aisles. The washing up you normally resent doing - feel how soft and warm the water is. Notice how it is to let your life be easy - and notice the resistance that comes up - that part of you which says "life should be a struggle". Just notice.

Inquiry (to be thought with regards any situation): How easy can I make this?

#3 - Money

Doing Things Differently - Putting Our Money Where Our Mouth Is

Today I've signed up for a couple of cool things.

Firstly, the employers at my part-time job have been insisting on paying into a pension for me so I've finally sucumbed. And what I've put my name to is an ethical fund which invests the money in alternative energy sources and the like. I already have savings accounts similar to this with ethical bank Triodos (www.triodos.co.uk) so I'm delighted to have found another way of making my money work for the world as well as for me.

Secondly, our car breakdown insurance is up for renewal. I did some research and discovered the Environmental Transport Association - the world's first climate-neutral motoring association (www.eta.co.uk).

There's so much I could say about these companies but I won't; my aim here is not to promote them (although that can be a happy by-product if you want to check out their websites!) but rather to show that we're always at choice in where we spend our money. And as our money is simply a form of our energy, it matters. It's been so easy for me to choose these options instead of the default options - all that's required is the desire to look.

Action: Take a stock check of what your money is up to. Your energy bills, home insurance, savings, mortgage, pension, charity donations, phone bill, food shop, car insurance etc. What companies are you endorsing, what organisations do you support? Notice how it feels to be putting your energy into these places.

Inquiry: Where do I spend my energy?

#2 - Getting Real

Doing Things Differently #2

So, my challenge this week is to stop being nice. What on Earth’s wrong with ‘nice’? you may ask. Let me clarify – I don’t mean ‘good’ or ‘kind’ or ‘loving’; I mean ‘nice’. A wise person once sussed it out by describing it as: ‘Nothing Inside Cares Enough’ i.e. to tell you what I really think. The ‘nice’ girl who remembers her manners, is ‘nice’ and polite… basically repressing everything she’s really feeling. I’ve been playing this game all my life and I’ve now reached that point where I’m saying “enough is enough”. It’s not serving me, it’s not serving my loved ones and it’s not serving my coaching clients.

When my coach asked me: “so if you’re stopping being ‘nice’, what are you starting being?” my answer was “Authentic”. Not the expected opposite of ‘nasty’ but AUTHENTIC – a characteristic most of us would respect. Which begs the realisation: all this time I’ve been so caught up with being ‘nice’, I haven’t been REAL and so I’ve been selling people short.

What are we like when we’re being truly authentic? Like these e-zines, there’s an unedited, make-it-up-as-we-go-along quality. Nothing’s being held back – we’re giving ourselves to the world in our purest forms. There’s something so generous there.

What does the authentic me want to do? Ask yourself that question now, right in this moment. And keep asking yourself it all week – that’s just become our Inquiry. Right now I want to… just stop writing and listen to the birds singing. I pause my pen midway through that sentence and become aware of this beautiful present moment. I’d made up that being fully authentic means I’m going to want to go around insulting everyone, no holds barred, and actually I find a different authentic me than I’d expected. Who might YOU be if you let yourself get real?

Inquiry: What does the authentic me want to do right now?

Action: With one person today, be totally unapologetically authentic. Pick your nose if you want to, tell them they’re boring you if they are, or give them a 20 minute bear huge. Notice how much energy you would have tied up if you’d held back.

#1 - Starting Somewhere

Doing Things Differently #1

Writer’s block. I’ve been putting off writing this e-zine for months now. I’ve tied myself in knots with trying to figure out what I want to say, how I want to say it. I’ve typed away, made notes on scraps of paper, set my palmtop up ready for…what? There’s so much to say and so where to start?

And I see now what a pattern this is for me – and for many people. Our world is so big, with so many opportunities – shiny jewels catching our eyes. We’re told we can do anything, go anywhere, be anyone… And so, where to start?

So it appears that this e-zine, the very first from me, is to be about: starting somewhere. Anywhere. Picking up a thread and following it, unravelling whatever it is coming from, and dancing all the way. Letting go of the notion of ‘perfect’ and just trusting in what is.

Which is very much like coaching. When a client presents themselves to me, I’m confronted with vastness, hugeness, expansiveness. A whole person, a whole life. Where on earth do we start? I’ve developed tools and forms etc. etc. and actually it turns out that the client knows. They give me a thread and we pull, together, and we follow and we dance; then there’s another and we do the same again. Where we’re going, neither of us truly knows – it’s not planned, it’s not rehearsed, this person’s life is an evolving mystery.

I can see now how this e-zine is like a client. Asking to let itself be written, asking for my trust in the process. I am asked to show up, to be fully present, to use the tools I have and then get out of the way so that instinct can take over.

And so this is why this e-zine comes to you unedited, unplanned, the words the same here as they were when they emerged from my pen on a Thursday evening. I’ve started. Where I’m going, I’m not so sure… but I have a strong suspicion we’ll enjoy the ride.

Each week we’ll have an Inquiry – a question designed to live with you for a period of time (e.g. a week) and bring forth insights; you might want to stick it on your fridge of store it as your screensaver. We’ll also have an Action – something for you to actually do. Play with both – you never know where they may lead.

Inquiry: What am I yearning to get started on?

Action: Pick a big juicy project which excites you but you feel totally overwhelmed by. Maybe you want to put on a play, take a round-the-world trip or introduce acupuncture into GP surgeries.. Whatever it is, get started right now. Determine what the very next step is – a step that is physical, visible, tangible. Maybe it’s to pick up the Yellow Pages, book a ‘go to travel agents’ slot in your diary, or to email your friend who you know is also interested. Notice how it feels to get started on one of your dreams.