#30 - Natural Element

This Christmas, I've had the privilege of spending time with my sister-in-law who's training in acupuncture. We've been having fascinating discussions about how Chinese medicine sees people as characterised by the five elements: Earth, Wood, Fire, Metal and Water.

According to this perspective, we all contain each element but there will be one element which is predominant - the underlying element which our life is basically all about. For me, it's Fire - passion, communication, excitement, inspiration. These attributes come naturally to me; when I'm living these, I am literally 'in my element'. The element I feel less strongly within me is Metal; this is the realm of precision, discernment, logic, focus.

Whether or not the Chinese medicine outlook resonates with you, I offer this as a useful tool we can use to identify patterns in our ways of working, our strengths and our challenges. When I look at my energy in terms of the metaphor of fire, I can see how vital the strong boundaries of metal are. An untamed fire will scatter energy and ultimately destroy its environment, whereas a fire contained within a grate will smoulder, warming and sustaining, with great energy efficiency. I can then translate this image into action. I've now reinstituted a very clear, structured business plan, precise with dates. I'm also using mindmaps to channel my creative thinking in a linear, productive way.

As we approach the turn of the calendar year, I invite you to reflect on what your natural element might be. When you feel in balance, is your natural tendency to:

• nurture, provide stability, be consistent, loyal, empathetic, "salt of the earth"? (Earth)
• aspire, grow, develop, move forward dynamically, with the strength & flexibility of a tree in spring? (Wood)
• be warm, full of vitality, loving, joyful, give and receive happiness, entertain? (Fire)
• reason logically, let go of what you no longer need, have clarity & boundaries, give & receive respect? (Metal)
• adapt, deal with whatever comes in a relaxed yet tenacious way, take the path of least resistance, conserve energy? (Water)

Remember - you'll find all elements within you but one is more likely to feel like 'home'.

Now consider: what is it you find difficult in yourself and others? Perhaps you feel uncomfortable in a certain type of person's company or when you apply yourself to a particular situation. What characteristics are present? Look at which element this most corresponds with; this is an element you might want to develop. Reflect on what you could gain by including and integrating more of this elusive element in your life to make 2007 the most balanced, fulfilled year yet.

Inquiry: When am I in my natural element?

Action: Translate your findings into action; use metaphor to inform you. For example, how could you incorporate more Earth to give your natural dynamism of Wood a sold grounding to grow from? Notice what value it adds to your understanding of self to look to the qualities of the natural elements.

**** This blog provides an ideal structure (Metal!) for the expressive, creative energy of Fire. As I'm committing to several new writing ventures in 2007, I shall be bending the metal and Doing Things Differently will become monthly in the new year. I look forward to connecting with you then! ****

#29 - Christmas

How do you feel about Christmas??

This time of year seems to bring up a lot of emotions and opinions. We seem to either love it or hate it.

I lived in the 'Eco Scrooge' position for several years, grumbling passionately about the evils of consumerism. It was a very constrictive perspective - the pattern being that I avoided it, complained about it, avoided it some more....until the week before Christmas when I felt I'd been selfish and ungenerous and went rushing out around the kind of shops I'd been berating to make up for it.

Then I started living with a Christmas Angel. My partner absolutely adores Christmas. She starts shopping for presents on Boxing Day and accumulates a few sacks worth throughout the year. At first, this was a problem for me. I reacted against it ("urgh, clutter everywhere", "it's our materialism that's destroying the planet" - you get the idea) and then I realised: I had a choice. I could continue to relate to this time of year in terms of what I DIDN'T want... or I could get proactive and define what Christmas is about for ME.

So now I sit in a very different perspective. If I had to name it, it'd be something like 'Joining The Dots'. For me, this season of giving is now an opportunity to link up cool people with cool things. I can give him a book that links with something he's passionate about, get her a subscription to a magazine I think will inspire her, buy unique products from this artisan or that charity. There are two levels of giving going on now: I'm giving something meaningful to a loved one, whilst also endorsing and supporting organisations I love. It feels healthy, wholesome, good for the world - all big values of mine.

So, what's YOUR unique take on this time of year? If you could decide, without any external pressure, what you wanted Christmas to mean for you, what would it be? What you're doing here is choosing the lenses you want to look at Christmas through - lenses which suit YOU, fit YOU. Then give the perspective you choose a name. What's possible from this point of view? Feel how YOU are at choice here - by choosing the lenses, you decide the place from which you'll act.

(And if you're finding it hard finding a perspective which has power for you, you might like to try 'Christmas Angel' on for size. You could get wings and everything....)

Inquiry: What do I choose for Christmas to mean to me?

Action: Once you've really 'got' the perspective you choose to stand in with regards Christmas, make a list or mindmap of what you could do that would be in alignment with this. Think as widely and out-of-the-box as you can. Then choose the actions or ways of being which really resonate with you - and commit to them. Notice what it's like to be proactive at this time of year.

*** Special announcement: I now have gift certificates for my coaching in association with the International Coach Federation. Several ICF member coaches are using this arrangement. If you're interested in giving the gift of coaching to a loved one this Christmas, or want to put coaching on your wish list, do get in touch ***

#28: Opportunities (Part 3)

Here are the things I want to be doing most with my working hours.... One-to-one coaching with young people, workshops for small groups of young people, and writing coaching related articles for magazines.

I have opportunities bursting out of my to-do file related to these things. Contacts, ideas, openings... And what items do you suppose remain dormant on my action list week after week? Yep, you've guessed it: 'send that article into X magazine', 'follow up with the contact at that school', 'send an email out to that wonderful young person I met'. What is that about??!! I KNOW this is what I love doing, I KNOW these activities are aligned with my values and that they will bring wondrous things to all and sundry, so what's stopping me?

Actually it's how perfect these opportunities are for me that's stopping me. Being the strange creatures we are, we humans resist that which we want the most. Some of you will know this beautiful passage by Marianne Williamson: "It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us; Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure".

Sure enough, the greater the light, the greater the shadow. We're pushing with all our might to hold a door shut; the truth is that behind that door is not what we fear, but what we yearn for. Somehow our dreams are scarier than our fears and so we settle for them remaining wishful thinking and we let opportunities pass us by. We can put out fires all over the place, in all the areas of our life we're not so bothered about, but the things we REALLY want, the opportunities we DESPERATELY want to take, we just feel stuck in.

So, what to do with this resistance? Acknowledge it. Acknowledge it's there and that its presence means you're onto something. Turn it into your tool; see it as an alarm bell ringing out 'ah ha! so THIS is what I really want!' Then reassert YOUR authority over it because no matter how strong the resistance, the big picture that opportunity leads to is so much more powerful. Decide to choose that instead.

Inquiry: What wonderful things am I resisting the most?

Action: Hire a coach. Get clear about what brings you alive, become conscious and intentional about what you're saying "yes" and "no" to, and get supported as you shine a light on your resistance and take action in spite of it. Notice what comes up for you as you read those words, notice whether the thought of actually grabbing the opportunities of life is more scary for you than settling for what you've always settled for, and decide what you're going to do about that.