#64 - In The Detail

I'm in the middle of the longest Christmas I have ever known. Two family visits, a two-day extravaganza with my partner, and there are still days with family and friends to come. I am floating in absolute abundance and finding ways of appreciating it all.

There were twelve of us for my family Christmas and my beloved sister had the inspired idea of us all doing Secret Santa. Instead of the normal "she's a girl, she can have bubble bath" and "he's a teacher, he can have some red pens", we had to really engage with this person we were assigned. We knew that we had the sole responsibility for what they would receive which seemed to encourage us to zone in, cut the trimmings, and get them gifts we knew spoke to their core. We had a budget which meant love, attention and human creativity became the key resources. Many presents were home-made, including the one I received: a photo-slideshow and video, put to music, which had clearly taken hours of time, thought and skill. We sat together in a circle in the evening, the lights dimmed, as we all focused on each person in turn. There have never been so many smiles.

Then, my partner's family Christmas. Between us, we'd gratefully received hundreds of cards... and then the cards had gone up onto windowsills, become part of the background, soon to be recycled. My new tradition has become to make gift tags out of them. The hot tip for this is to find the smallest area of interest. As I zone in on the detail of each card, I'm amazed by the talent that has gone in to each one. The process of tagging pulls me in to the font, the palate, the use of glitter, ribbon or layering, the texture of each card. All this would have been lost to me if I didn't zone in, get close, really see what is there in front of me.

Most of us reading this live with incomprehensible abundance. Yet I suspect we often go blank to it because our brains try to take it all in at once and fail, leaving us thinking we don't have enough. When we zone in on the detail, we have less to appreciate, and so paradoxically appreciate more.

Here's a new motto for 2009: Slow down. Zoom in. Engage. So much is in the detail.

Wishing you a most joyful leap in to this new year. May it be all that you yearn for... and more.
C

Do Things Differently
1) Make a list of all the little things you appreciate about 2008. You might like to post to a blog like this one -
http://marionryan.typepad.com/appreciate2008/2008/11/what-do-i-want-you-to-do.html
- and remember to duplicate your comments here so Doing Things Differently readers can celebrate with you.
2) Go for a walk in nature and notice the detail with all your senses. The patterns of the frost on berries, the feel of the cold air on your cheek.
3) Make a big deal of a little thing. Thank someone for their otherwise negligible act of kindness.
4) Play with the power of one. Choose one pen, one CD, one pair of socks, one friend. Focus on just that, as if zoning in on a grain of sand, rather than trying to take in a whole beach. What changes?

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes

** Want to kick off the new year with some New Way Resolutions? This is an 8-part e-course which guides you through an effective process for making a shift in the new year. First issue out a week today, make a commitment to yourself to start as you mean to go on. Click here for more details and to book your copy - only £7.50. **

#63 - In The Darkness

This weekend was the darkest time of our year. Daylight was in short supply and it felt like happiness was too. Several of my loved ones are having a hard time at the moment. One friend is struggling with depression, another is recovering from a serious medical condition, a beloved family member hit "rock bottom". Facebook statuses seemed to be full of illness, sadness and ennui. The news as ever was full of doom and gloom and in my coaching work, I listened to clients dealing with deep loneliness, chronic lack of self-belief, frustration, despair and painful self-sabotage. The overwhelming feeling I had was that people are finding life hard right now.

Against this backdrop, a few relatively small challenges in my own life knocked me off balance. I watched a new video on peak oil which reiterated the severity of the challenges ahead with the billions of human lives that will be lost if we don't act with urgency. I heard back from the London Paper that they weren't going to run with my idea for a regular column and then three strangers unsubscribed from my ezine. The little self-doubting voice in my head put the two together and said: "People are suffering and maybe you've got nothing of value to offer them".

We all have crises of belief - whether in ourselves or the world. There are times when it all feels very scary, when life feels like the enemy. Depression has been familiar to me and to many of my loved ones. It is for these reasons that yesterday was so significant. The winter solstice is the darkest we go, the least light we have. It offers us a metaphor for how far we can go into the darkness before things start to turn around.

Because, of course, winter solstice is simultaneously the signal of the returning light. The promise of the dawn. Its message is that in the very darkest darkness, there is a glimmer of hope. It's understandable that early Christians chose this time of year to celebrate the birth of Jesus; this was the time of year already associated with the unconquerable light, a vitality that can never be destroyed, hope resurrecting when it feels like none is left.

Just as light returns to darkness, so acts of kindness bring light when we're feeling down or alone. For me, friends who'd spotted the London Paper 'rejection' sent heart-warming messages of encouragement; some beautiful people have signed up to receive my New Way Resolutions e-course, excited to have that support, and one added a message: "Yay for Corrina. In gratitude for sharing your passion". It's so beautiful when we reach out to acknowledge each other, even with only a handful of words.

In this dark time of year, may we all remember to reach out for others, reach out to others, and to be loving comforts for ourselves. May we know the importance of kindness and never underestimate the impact of a thoughtful word or generous deed. May we recognise how cold our world can be and commit to being a source of warmth. As Plato said, "Be kind... for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle".

May your holidays be full of peace, full of joy, and full of love.
Corrina

Do Things Differently
1) Take a walk in the fresh winter air and ask yourself: When there is despair, what is my hope?
2) Light a candle and reflect: In the darkness, what is my light?
3) What could you say, be or do today that would bring hope, light and warmth to another? Do it.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

New Way Resolutions... Time to make that change? An 8-part e-course delivered directly to your in-box, £7.50. See my website for details. ** Special Offer ** I would love to input subscribers' details before these Christmas holidays and so if you are ready to book your copy before 5pm Tuesday 23rd December, you are eligible to receive a free report, Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word: How reluctance to fail makes change hard - and what you can do about it. Simply book your copy of the e-course by tomorrow and receive this extra helping hand with making real change happen.

#62 - Light Up The Night

Something happened in 2008 which I continue to cry about. Even writing this blog post this morning, I'm sat here sobbing.

The issue is the passing of Proposition 8, an amendment to the Californian State Constitution to eliminate the rights of same-sex couples who want to marry. It's covered beautifully in this article by Brian Normoyle who informs us that this is the first time in America that an existing civil right has been taken away from a group of citizens and asks the (frightening) question: whose rights are next?

I've spent hours on YouTube watching footage relating to this issue, reading discussion boards, talking with my friends about this. What strikes me strongest is the immense outpouring of love which surrounds the Vote No To 8 campaign. Candlelit vigils, families protesting peacefully in the streets, posters which read: Love is the way. In this movement, I see people uniting together in love, regardless of sexual orientation, to stand up for the basic human right of being accepted for who we are.

I remember trying to find a Valentine's Day card the first year I was with Sam. I scanned the shelves and all I could see were men and women, male bears and female bears. Having spent the rest of my young adult life in relationships with men, I suddenly realised that it was different now - that there was a huge gap in how your love was received by the world, dependent purely on the gender of the person you fall in love with.

A few months later, I started working for a Cambridge organisation which provided support for young people who are lesbian, gay and bisexual. I encountered a community of inspirational teenagers who were climbing gently out into the light, done with hiding and self-loathing. I saw their struggles - with their schools, their families, their friends; I witnessed the bravery and strength it took them to say: "This is who I am". My work was sacred to me because it was about helping young people have an easier time of being themselves. It was about supporting them in finding profound self-acceptance that wouldn't be shaken by an often hateful world. Some of those young people were at our wedding in July. I don't think we can underestimate the impact of them seeing first-hand a love that they identify with being supported and acknowledged by friends, by family and by the law of this country.

On December 20th, there will be candlelit vigils across America (and beyond) to recognise the rights of same-sex couples who married and to look forward to the day when those rights will be available again for everyone. This time of year, whether you look at pagan or Christian origins, has always been about the unconquerable light in the darkness. As activist Anne Lamott writes: "Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come."

I see a dawn where people hear this message, from others' hearts to theirs:
You are okay. Your heart is true. You can follow it. We will support you in that.

Love is the way. Light up the night.

Do Things Differently
1) What do you want to join with others about? What is the issue of 2008 which touched your heart? What do you feel passionately about, what stirs you and motivates you to spread the word or do things differently?
2) Find out more about Proposition 8 if it's news to you. How do you feel about this issue? What does that tell you about what you value? And what do you want to do, to honour those values more completely?
3) On 20th December, light a candle to commemorate a human right that you hold to be sacred - either one which is now accepted, or one which is not yet granted to all people.

Extra - a beautiful song in response to the issue: United We Love

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes

#61 - Tighten Our Belts

I was the columnist in The London Paper last week, suggesting that the recession is a good thing. Readers vote on whether they want more of you... and 96% did. I also had many comments calling this point of view "refreshing" and "inspiring". In this, I hear a whispered hope for a move away from 'business as usual' to a more enjoyable and equitable way of running our economy.

At its best, this shake-up wake-up call will prompt us to re-prioritise and re-allocate resources. It will make us more aware of where we use money as an excuse to see ourselves as separate from others. Instead of this isolation, we will find ways of leaning in to human energy as our most precious resource and recognise our interdependence.

A great example of this is Liftshare - an organisation that works to bring about sustainable change by encouraging individuals to do things together. There are now 290,000+ people registered and several inspirational stories have emerged.

Sandra from Clacton-on-Sea started car-sharing as a way of saving petrol and impact on the environment and found that "two people who led separate lives have now become great friends, with all the benefits and opportunities that new friendships offer". They socialise regularly, found they had tons in common, and get to chat, laugh and sing along to 60s and 70s music on the way to and from work.

Similarly with Emma from Swindon, her initial motivations were financial and environmental and says "I have benefited in ways I never imagined, including socially. The company is great, we share ideas, and we exchange knowledge about the local area - where the best markets are, what's on at the theatre. As I know we have to rely on each other at a particular time of day, I'm much more efficient at work. I can no longer stay late to get things finished so I don't faff about any more, I just get it done.

And there are wider community benefits, as Clare from Herefordshire describes: "We also pick up and drop off a regular prescription for a friend who has retired and finds it difficult to get to the doctors".

With lifshare, we see the Triple Bottom Line of a solid, sustainable venture - intending to bring about economic, environmental and societal/inter-personal benefits through its activities. As we tighten our belts and make changes economically, perhaps we'll also tighten our belts as a community, finding afresh how fulfilling it is to need each other.

Do Things Differently
1) If you had one tenth of your current income, what would you do differently? Make a list. Then assess: in what ways would any of this be preferable? What could you gain as side-effects of these changes? Plato said "Necessity is the mother of invention". In which ways would your decreased income increase your creativity and innovation?
2) Now return to your current level of income - but keep those new ways in place. What would you do with all that extra money?? Which deeply fulfilling lifestyle benefits would all that abundance bring you?

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

NB The London Paper asked: "Can we build a fairer economy?" If you have something to say on the matter, email your thoughts to: talk@thelondonpaper.com And as always, I love to read your comments on this blog so do leave them here!

#60 - Power Of Community

I went to Tesco this morning. It's a rare occurrence but I wanted stamps and they're the nearest place open in the early hours.

As I walked over, the sun was rising and the birds were singing. I felt connected to my environment and as I approached the giant superstore, I had a flash of vision of it being something else. Instead of the concrete car-park, I saw community allotments. The trolley shelters were replaced by storage sheds for gardening tools. I heard children laughing in a playground and saw elders nattering away on benches, playing cards and watching the world go by. Inside the store, I pictured a bustling market place where people traded their wares and gossiped. Also inside were different zones - for example, one for live performances where a student band could play, or a solo performer pick up her guitar. Instead of scheduled, imported entertainment, this was spontaneous and continuous - sometimes music, sometimes comedy, always local. In place of all the advertising billboards, I saw noticeboards holding poems, announcements, requests for lift-shares. I saw a community centre - one where I felt I belonged and which was based on reciprocity and connection. Owned by and for the people in that area, to develop in whichever way they saw fit.

I didn't buy stamps. The Tesco kiosk department had lost their keys to the till. I waited 15 minutes as the team debated amongst themselves - someone else's fault, someone else's money, someone else's store.

Last week, here in Cambridge, we had a public screening of the film documentary The Power Of Community: How Cuba Survived Peak Oil. This depicts a society which is forced to adapt its infrastructure when it can no longer rely on a constant supply of oil and food. It gives a case study of how people change, re-prioritise and re-allocate their resources in order to feed, house, educate and entertain themselves. I had the honour of introducing this film, hosted by Transition Cambridge. The event was a complete sell-out - we were moved to a bigger screen and even then a hundred people were turned away. I looked out at the sea of 150 expectant faces and saw a community of people choosing to come together to be inspired. In the Q&A session at the end, we all witnessed a cinema full of expertise, with people reflecting on how peak oil will affect Cambridge - offering practical solutions, committing to taking action.

At the moment, the piece of land near my house is host to a Tesco store because that's what the community wants. We are the community and the power is with us. If we wanted it to be used for another purpose, we could choose that. I wonder what we would choose.

Do Things Differently
1) This week, notice what sense of community you have. Is there somewhere particular where people gather? How large or small do you feel your own community to be?
2) Put your attention on your local High Street or a particular building. If you believed your community were really able to have ownership of that, what would you love it to be like?
3) Ask your neighbours or whoever you feel in community with - what would they like to see? Notice where you have a shared vision and start a conversation about what the first steps could be.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

#59 - Selling Away Dreams

Recently, I was invited back to my old secondary school. It's been over a decade since I left yet walking the corridors still evoked powerful emotions. The pride of achievement, a deep loneliness, the sparkle of mischief.

I wasn't there to talk about the rollercoaster of teen life, however. I was there to speak at their Careers Convention about enterprise - or more specifically, How To Start A Business By Accident. I had a scheduled speaking slot and also a consultation table where a short queue developed. Students and their parents sat down expectantly, wondering what this world of enterprise might hold for them.

One story in particular had a big impact on me. A mother and daughter joined me and I asked the girl, "So, what are you interested in?" She looked down and shrugged nervously, "I don't know". It was quite late in the evening and she'd clearly been to table after table, gathering information on careers in engineering, accountancy, law etc. I ascertained that she was in Year 8 (a.k.a 12 or 13 years old) and so qualified the question with a smile: "I don't mean what you're interested in later, I mean now." She still looked bewildered until her mum whispered to her: "You like dancing, don't you?" Suddenly, the girl lit up. "Wow!" I said. "What do you love about dancing?" A different person answered me - a lively, confident, excited young woman who seemed energised just by the thought of being on stage. "It sounds like you feel at home there", I said. She nodded enthusiastically. Whereas before she'd avoided eye contact, she now couldn't take her eyes off me. Her mum looked a little anxious and informed me: "Yes, but I've told her it's a very competitive field and she should pursue something else as a career and do dancing as a hobby". The girl's head fell again and she nodded compliantly.

Why? Why do we sell our dreams away so easily? The sadness I feel at a story like this is my constant inspiration to keep doing what I do. Any time someone calls me 'naive' or an 'idealist', I tell them of the so many people I know who are fully living their dreams. Whose passions got them through the challenges of competition, whose drive kept them going through any obstacles in their way. This is realism and it's time teenagers - and indeed all of us - really get that life is just too short to do anything other than what brings us fully alive.

People aren't meant to know at age 12 or 13 what they want to do for a career. They are meant to have their passions nurtured, they are meant to feel that they are valid, important, significant human beings - right now, as they are in these moments. They are meant to be encouraged to fill their lives with as much joy as possible, trusting that the path of their heart will continually lead them through a fulfilling life. They are certainly not meant to sell their dreams away before they've even fully formed.

This is the perspective I offered that girl and her mum - who herself had spent the last 30 years doing work she didn't care about. I hope it awakened something in them both.

And yes, if you're wondering - that photo is me at age 13.

Do Things Differently
1) Connect with the 13 year old you. What did you dream of? What could you spend hours and hours engrossed in? Where or what felt most like 'home'?
2) What happened to those dreams? Were they supported, strengthened and explored? Did they die of their own accord, replaced by more powerful dreams? Or were they sold away?
3) Give your 13 year old self an hour to do what she wants. Does she play guitar, help at an animal sanctuary, develop a computer programme? Given that your adult self could now turn your passions into the basis for work, what of your working life might you like to do differently?
4) Extra: You might like to listen to Pink's Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

* * Just a few days until the launch of my A Business Called You workshop. You can listen to a very short description of this here:

If your 13 year old self would like to join us in exploring the dream of having your own business, leave your email here and the booking administrator will contact you to reserve your place. Do leave your details even if you can't make this Saturday and I will let you know when it runs again * *

#58 - Connect, Collaborate, Commit

This is Global Entrepreneurship Week and to mark its start, I volunteered at the first day of Chain Reaction, an event which saw 700 people gather to explore how entrepreneurship can be a source of social good.

There was a variety of inspirational speakers including Tim Smit of the Eden Project, Sophi Tranchell of Divine Chocolate, and Eugenie Harvey of We Are What We Do. My greatest surprise of the day was the closing remarks made by Prime Minister Gordon Brown. His focus was on the economy but not the all-too-familiar message of "this is just a downturn, we'll be back to big, strong, lean and mean again soon" of which many politicians and business people are trying to persuade us. Instead, he acknowledged the economic crisis as one and the same as our resource crisis, emphasised the 'climate change imperative' and urged the importance of investing in renewable energy and agriculture. He described these times as experiencing the birth pangs intrinsic to us becoming a global community and as such that they alert us to the need for transition phases.

In many ways, the general thrust of the day was similar to the approach taken by Rob Hopkins, instigator of the Transition Movement - that we are entering transition years and that the innovation, ingenuity and entrepreneurial spirit which got us in to this situation can now be re-harnessed and directed towards finding solutions to the world's needs.

As I left the conference and spotted in the newspaper that more City jobs are being cut, I had a vision of those thousands of people moving not from employment to unemployment, but to enterprise. A move away from complacent expectation that someone else will employ us as a cog in some wheel.... to a belief that we can have great ideas, gather with others to turn them into reality, and effect social change through doing so.

It feels like time to get excited. There's the sense of a new model of business emerging. It's not the old way where business is set up purely for the sake of profit with the directors perhaps developing a conscience later in life, creating philanthropic foundations to offset the damage their enterprise has done. The new model is that enterprise itself is a vehicle for answering society's needs.

The win-win-win nature of this transaction continually inspires me. I spoke to two women at the conference who were feeling increasingly frustrated as the day went on. They were hearing about all these inspirational projects yet feeling that their own gifts were being wasted, their potential not fulfilled. I hear this so frequently when interviewing women for my Inspirational 100 project - the pain of that gap between what you could be doing, and what you are doing. One of the women started crying as she told me that in her previous decade of working life she felt that she had added no value. She knew that she could give, and that she WAS, more than that. It reiterated to me this great human need for personal fulfilment through fulfilling our own potential - and that one way of doing this is by fulfilling a need in the world through enterprise.

Do Things Differently
1) Inquiry: What is the most entrepreneurial thing I have ever done? What was it like to match my strengths/interests with a need in the world?
2) Inquiry: If starting a business were the only way to effect social change, what need would I want to meet and how could a business model serve that need?
3) If there were no time to waste and you were really needed right now, what would be your next action step? Get whatever support you need to make it. * *

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

NEW!! - A Business Called You. Workshop - 29th November 2008, Cambridgeshire. This is the very exciting launch of a new workshop designed for anyone who is considering starting their own entrepreneurial venture. Devised and facilitated by me and hosted by Swavesey Village College at Community Education rates, this is a FANTASTIC opportunity to attend a super-affordable, high-impact workshop and get you moving on that entrepreneurial path. For more information, visit my website and then leave your details so I can forward them to the college's booking office. * *

#57 - Your Slice Of The World

Where were you when you heard that Obama would be the next American president? I was in bed, it was 6am, and I got a text from my dad with lots of exclamation marks. I almost cried with joy, as I know many did do. On Facebook, my friends' statuses were jubilant, my clients that day had renewed vigour, women at the gym were beaming. It was literally as if the air had changed, the atmosphere had a different smell, the whole world was a different colour.

As far as I saw it, this wasn't about a man of mixed-race who represented triumph at the end of a long, hard civil rights battle. I'm not naive enough to believe that all divisions and inequalities had dissolved. Obama is still a middle-class, Christian, heterosexual male and as such has more demographically in common with George Bush than with me. The day he was elected was also the day Californians voted against same-sex marriage.

No, what is new and refreshing and inspirational is this man's ability to hold a vision and expand it to an ever-increasing slice of the world. To touch more and more people with his realistic idealism, his genuinely-believed "Anything is possible" ideology, his focus on peace, democracy and earth stewardship. He stands in his role as a true leader, someone you can believe in and trust in. How he speaks - no notes, so relaxed, so in his body - inspired me to buy a book on Transformational Speaking, so hungry was I to learn what he does so seemingly effortlessly.

My client summed it up beautifully, saying: "I feel now we can shake off the cynicism". For a while now, my friend and I have had a familiar faithful conversation where we bemoan the lack of true leaders in the world. Now, we don't get to play so passive any more. Obama shows that we need to throw away the excuses and say "Yes we can" - and then get on and do it.

If we want leaders like Obama, we need to support them, vote for them, become them. There is no shortage of brilliant, inspirational people in our world. Let's just make sure they know how significant they are and play the roles they are here to play.

Do Things Differently
1) Make a list of ten people, alive today, who give you hope, who inspire you, who you're happy to have in charge of their slice of the world, no matter how big or small that piece is. Alongside their name, identify why it matters that they play that role.
2) Share this with each of them - alert that person to their own significance. They might not have a clue. Also, find a way of supporting them.
3) Scan the list you made in the first section and notice which values popped up repeatedly. Allow yourself to realise what's most important/significant for you - this might help you with the next step...
4) Finally, identify which slice of life you are currently responsible for. How are you doing? What's next for YOU as a leader in this area? (Hint: It's probably a step that feels scary) Do it! :-)

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

#56 - Crash Boom

I've been keeping a fascinated eye on the emerging changes in our global monetary system and when I hear that phrase, 'economic crisis', I picture this....

Meet Economy. He's the star of his time. He appears to be thriving to the outside world - growing ever more successful, beaming ever more brightly. Yet, if we look carefully, behind him there trails a foul smell and a dark shadow. Still he keeps going, until something inside starts malfunctioning. Something starts hurting. Reluctantly, he goes to the doctor who tells him that the years of self-deception and neglect have taken their toll and his health is in crisis. It is, in fact, life-threatening.

What does Economy do? If he has any sense, he stops, sits down, and looks with great honesty at his lifestyle. He uses this crisis as a chance to assess what's working and what's not and to give himself a fresh start, built on different foundations.

If WE look with honesty, we can see that our economic system hasn't been working. It's been eating up resources and changing our climate. Money, which was created as a means by which we could fairly share our skills and produce, is now often used as an excuse to do the opposite. Our perpetual-growth model makes little sense when we live on a planet of finite natural resources.

So, Economy has been none-too-healthy and needs to make some deep, far-reaching changes - and how about us?

Well, we've been seduced. Our economic set-up has tempted us away from our passion. We've made Faustian bargains, having been promised: "Do this job that's mindless, boring, stressful and pointless... and I'll give you security now and forever more". We work and work, waiting for pay-day or pension-day or holidays, believing in that bargain. Yet once we start to catch a glimmer of the possibility that we've been selling our soul to an entity which can't be trusted, what happens to that faith?

I know that people hire me as their coach because they're seeking faith in something new. They're fed up with wasting their lives and getting nothing reliable in return. They want to turn their inspirational ideas into reality and all the messages which say they should plod on and consume and earn their 9-5 wage to keep the cogs a-turning just aren't believable any more.

Maybe as the system falls, we'll all make new deals. Maybe we'll make deals with our planet, which really would always be there for us if we cared for, respected and attended to it. Maybe we'll make deals with ourselves, with our health, with others, and with those we love the most. Maybe we'll really hear that the world needs our passion, and needs it now.

Do Things Differently
This week, make a list of the deals you've made in relation to the economic set-up. What have you sold your soul for? What have you received, or what are you hoping to receive - as compensation? What's the deal with your bank? - what specifically do they do with the money you deposit with them for safe-keeping? If you don't know, ask them. What's the deal with your employer, your customers, your colleagues? Now, decide what deals you want to make. What do you want money to be for? What do you want to work for? What do you want to invest your time and energy in? What do you want to receive in return?

Finally, let us know of any inspirational finance systems you've come across. I've been a long-term investor with Triodos Bank who continue to give me hope in a resilient, sustainable banking model. I also enjoy using my local LETS scheme. I invite you to share your favourites with us here.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

#55 - Making Meaning

Our car broke down on the way to our family holiday. I’m not a great fan of driving, get scared when mechanical things break, and so freaked out somewhat. We had a boot full of stuff, a brother waiting en-route for a pick-up, and I found myself having a good desperate cry.

Then in to my mind, came a question: What do I want this to mean? I’d heard this question from a fellow coach who used it to find meaning in a personal tragedy. With regards this relatively insignificant event, it flipped a switch in my mind immediately. It changed the direction of my thoughts, reminding me that we get to choose the meaning we assign to any event.

Opening to that question turned the experience in to an adventure. Coming out of my closed, anxious state, I went and spoke to the manager of the petrol station; his name was Star and he was, helping push our car to the side of the forecourt and offering us free tea and coffee with a warm smile. We had brief, friendly connections withother drivers who pulled alongside us, asking if we needed help.

I was nervous as I phoned our breakdown recovery service as we'd recently switched from a more well-known provider. We chose the ETA (Environmental Transport Association) because they campaign for sustainable transport, promote car-free days, and extol the benefits of cycling... but when it came to the crunch, how would they fare on the service that we were actually paying for?

Well... the recovery vehicle was with us in 40 minutes (much quicker than the last organisation). The mechanic, Shaun, was extremely helpful and patient, talking us through the process, giving us options, allowing us as much time as we needed to weigh up costs and make our decision. He was passionate about his work and was able to fix the car so that we could continue our journey. He even phoned a few hours later to check everything was still okay.

By the time we were on the road again, we were even cheerier than we'd been at the start of the journey, full of respect for good people doing good work. The choice was to see this occurrence as an opportunity to connect with people we wouldn't normally be in contact with and acknowledge them for their superlative work. It became a chance to experience first-hand whether our ethical breakdown cover was any good in practice, which has given me the opportunity to promote it here to hundreds of people. It was also a timely reminder that we are always meaning-makers, not the passive victims of life's circumstances.

Do Things Differently

This week, catch yourself responding to challenges. Notice your default - the stories you tell yourself about what's happening, and then interrupt yourself with this question: What do I want this to mean? No matter how big or small the challenge, decide what interpretation you want to give it. Notice what it’s like to consciously choose your perspective and therefore the response you have – both in how you feel and the actions you take.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

** Choosing the meaning you assign to events is an integral part of the one-to-one coaching journey. To find out what difference this could make to you, simply register for a free consultation **

If you join the ETA and quote my membership number - -10208853 - you'll receive 3 months breakdown cover for free. You'll be helping fund ETA's sustainable travel campaigning as well as funding projects such as re-planting rainforests & providing energy-saving lightbulbs to small communities in the developing world. Call now 0800 212 810 or visit www.eta.co.uk

#54 - Space To Connect

Last weekend, I assisted with the first module of the Coach Training Institute programme. I've assisted a dozen times, in addition to participating in these modules myself, and was as ever inspired to witness a group of complete strangers connect within the first twenty minutes of knowing each other. There's something about the masterful design of this course which cuts straight to the heart of who we are and forms that deep bond.

Similarly, this weekend I ran my Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop with a small group of gorgeous people. Again, I saw that same connection formed. The diversity is huge - some are parents, some are teenagers; some are in relationships, some are not; some run their own businesses, some are employed, some are students, some are retired. The range of age, gender, sexuality, family situation, career choice, wealth and geographical location is wide. And yet as soon as you start asking questions such as: What are you scared of? What are your dreams? we find ourselves on common ground. Yes, the differences are still there - we fear different things, we yearn for different things. Yet we all dream and we are all blocked by something.

The more I run workshops, the more I know that it's not the specific exercises or me as a facilitator that the participants are learning from. It's the SPACE which these 'particles' make possible which allows the meaningful conversations and insights. The magic is happening where human beings hear each other, see each other, and feel seen and heard and understood in return.

I've always sought out these spaces, where people can connect at a level where things matter most. When I lived in London, I went regularly to Alternatives and loved the opening exercise where we were invited to talk to the person either side of us, finding out who they were and why they were there. I've been dancing the Five Rhythms for several years, feeling so at home in that space where words are not needed and we can connect through our energy and communicate through our bodies. I love spaces which are created to connect with the seasons and the moon's cycles, like Katie Rose's Full Moon chanting groups.

These meetings and connections are so precious and so needed. Let's support, welcome, and create more of these spaces.

Do Things Differently
This week, seek out spaces where you can connect. What qualities make these spaces possible? What are your favourites - do they involve words, sound, movement? Are they in-person or virtual? Notice where you feel most at home, most seen, most alive. Comment here to share them with us. AND... create your own! How do YOU create a space which allows people to connect? You might throw a pot-luck dinner to celebrate the harvest - have people connect from their hunger and their satisfaction. You might invite a few people to form an intimate discussion group where 'dark and scary' topics can be spoken about (link in to Hallowe'en?) What do people need and want to connect about? How can you help them? Notice where your abilities meet others' needs.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes

** Next date for my Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop: Sat 7th February 2009. Booking now open If you're interested in being part of this and can't make 7th Feb, just drop me a line and I'll let you know when the next date is released. **

#53 - Get Into Pairs

I'm delighted to be showcasing one of my favourite ever ventures: Morsbags. The story is - an inspirational young woman named Claire Morsman realised the devastating impact of plastic bags on marine animals. Rather than starting a campaign to stop people using plastic bags, she decided to create an alternative and came up with 'social guerilla bagging'. This involves groups of people getting together with a few sewing machines to turn recycled material into beautiful, useful bags and then distributing these outside supermarkets etc. Not only has she created a proactive solution to a problem, she's inspired people to connect and get creative - and ultimately become more alive and involved in their world.

I first made a bag at an event several months ago where Claire was guiding people through the process. I can't tell you how proud I am of that bag - if you see me in person, ask me to show it to you as I carry it everywhere I go. Apparently that one bag will save me using about 80 plastic bags and it's immensely satisfying to refuse a bag and put shopping in my home-made one instead. We managed to acquire a sewing machine via my father-in-law's colleague, my grandma visited to teach me how to use the machine, and then a friend and I got together to start a little creative pod here in Cambridge.

On her website, Claire has paired up a Sad Fact (over 1 million plastic bags are consumed per minute globally) with a Happy Fact (making morsbags will help immediately). We can see this problem/solution match being true for so many aspects of this venture:

Sad fact: Old sewing machines are sitting around gathering dust
Happy fact: This project is inspiring new generations to learn old skills and perhaps reconnect with our society's elders

Sad fact: People feel isolated
Happy fact: This is an excuse to get together with existing friends, make new friends and feel part of a community

Sad fact: People feel bored and sit in front of the TV all evening
Happy fact: Here's a way of spending time creatively, doing something enjoyable and unusual

Sad fact: People feel useless and unimportant
Happy fact: We can start seeing ourselves as needed, useful, able to make a difference

With this kind of inspirational project, we are powerfully matching up needs and solutions. This is what any business venture is meant to be about - using our genius to come up with win-win ways forward. Rather than simply 'what does the world need?' and 'how do we NEED to solve it?' - let's ask: What does the world need and how would I LOVE to offer a solution?

Do Things Differently
List the things that you feel most sad/angry/frustrated about in the world. Now list activities you would LOVE doing which would offer solutions. Then: What's the first step? What could you do right NOW - literally, in the next five minutes? Notice what it's like to be the solution. I invite you to share your thoughts as comments on this blog - to inspire others and create some momentum for yourself to get into action.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

NB The idea of the world needing our passion is at the heart of the work I do with each coaching client - helping her connect with that passion and get in to sustained action to create an inspirational venture. To book a consultation to explore how you might benefit from this support, simply click here.

#52 - Too Much Happiness

I was recently asked: "Have you ever had your heart broken?" I was in a group and the vast majority said "yes". I think the question was asked to show that we're all human and we all have the same experiences, so for the few of us who said "no", it was almost as if we were missing something. We were less human - we hadn't lived enough, we hadn't felt deeply enough.

Last night, in the final installment of the BBC adaptation of Tess of the D'Urbervilles, we watched a happy ending whisper its possibility and then disappear, as is fitting of such a solid Hardy tragedy. In one of the final scenes of the story, our main character - Tess - seems relieved to know that her short-lived joy is coming to an end, saying: "This happiness could not have lasted. It was too much". We see this too-familiar perspective on happiness - that it's temporary at best, dangerous at worst.

I wonder about how much we fear happiness, how we hide from it, get embarrassed about it. It's as if great happiness puts us out there on a limb - exposed and unusual. We know what happens to tall poppies, swaying blissfully in the wind. Happiness can be isolating; it can provoke our primal fears of rejection and abandonment. Maybe we hold back from too much happiness because we don't know what will happen out there, if we don't conform to the cultural default of resigned mundanity, grumbles and misfortune. Unhappiness is safer, somehow - there's less to lose. Perhaps it's unbearable to experience too much happiness and risk it falling away?

Do Things Differently
I challenge you to a week of too much happiness. How happy do you dare get? Notice when you repress your joy, your bliss; notice when it feels safer to say you're "okay" or "not bad" rather than "really really happy, thanks". Notice also WHY it feels safer - what are you trying to avoid? Every time someone asks how you are, choose to express the happiest version of you - with authenticity. Create a new cultural default - and notice the reaction from your friends, family and colleagues.
(Added challenge for Facebook users: have a week of updating your status to express the happiest version of how you're feeling and what you're doing. See if you get any interesting comments!)

#51 - Creases

I spent a few hours last week lying in our garden, reading a great book, basking in the sunshine. It was simply too gorgeous to be inside and I decided everything else could wait. As I lay there, I overheard my neighbour from inside her house on the phone to her husband: "Yep, I've just finished ironing all your shirts... Yep, your t-shirts too."

My curiosity was sparked. Here were probably our last few hours of warmth, of glorious weather, before we turn the corner in to winter; an opportunity to relax, listen to the birds, be carefree... and someone was choosing to spend them ironing. Continuing my thought process from last week, I wondered about why we do the things we do - how each of us decides what to do in any given moment.

Often, we will choose an activity like ironing because it honours our values. We consider professionalism, quality or feeling smart to be important to us. AND often we do things out of habit, or by default. We don't even realise that by saying "yes" to one activity, we're saying "no" to another which we'd find infinitely more fulfilling. The question is not so much 'should I do this activity?' but rather 'is this activity more important, will it bring more joy, than the other options available to me right now?' It's down to each of us to know where that line is between values-honouring and conforming to 'shoulds' or distracting ourselves from life.

It's interesting how much time we spend ironing out the creases, rather than living fully. We can go to great effort to make life spotless and perfect, rather than just throwing ourselves in, creases and all. My personal crease-addiction is words. I'll double, triple, quadruple check emails before they go off. Sometimes, it's because I love phrasing things 'just so' and get immense satisfaction from it. Sometimes, I'm avoiding making an error, fearful of looking stupid, eager to impress. The former is fun and worthwhile, the latter is a waste. What do I miss out on when I'm spending those extra minutes behind the computer?

Maybe we could allow ourselves and others more room for creases. Perhaps we could increase our tolerance of the things which really don't matter, and decrease our tolerance for those which do. Maybe we could ignore crumpled shirts and a 'your' instead of a 'you're' and instead get feisty about the times when we waste our time, our potential, our lives. Here's an apt thought on this topic by Raphie Frank, a storyteller: "You look at the scratch and completely miss the diamond."

Do Things Differently
Ask yourself: Where are you ironing away the creases, rather than living life? How do YOU decide what to do, and what not to waste your time on? This week, choose one crease-ironing activity and pledge to yourself to do it less in order to free up some of your life. Let the scratches go and focus on the diamond.

I'd love to hear which activity you choose, and what happens as a result. Post a comment....

** ONLY 2 DAYS LEFT of early-bird price on the Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop (£45 rather than £55). Do your imperfections make you want to reach for the iron?? Do you hold back from doing things because you fear failure? Are you ready to stop clinging to crease-reduction and live fully instead?! Book now to join us on this workshop and claim more of your life! **

#50 - Why Do We?

I've recently been reading a lot of advice about 'how to market your business'. One common message is: Focus on results. I thought this sounded sensible until I started really thinking about what motivates me. I'm a member of a private gym and go there most days; I swim, do Body Combat, and Body Balance. I do these because I love how I feel in the classes and in the pool. If the gym had marketed to me the messages: 'lose weight!' 'get toned!' 'get fit!', I would have ignored them. In fact, I did. However, when they allowed people to come along for free as part of their open weekend, I had a fantastic experience. I had endorphins zipping all over the place, felt strong, funky, relaxed, energised - and signed up. The fitness and weight loss have been bonuses but would never have got me parting with my money.

Likewise, today is World Car-Free Day, a time to showcase how our cities might look, feel and sound without cars. It's a hugely inspirational result to aim for - yet the result is not what motivates me to choose to travel by bike rather than car. I do so because I prefer the experience; I love how it feels to be out in the world, feeling the air on my skin, the sun on my face, to wave to people as I pass them by, to see my city up close and personal with all its precious nooks and crannies.

We're all different and it can be interesting to notice what we're motivated by - the results, the process... or both. I give away a lot of useful information for free; for example, there are now fifty posts on this blog. Often I get emails from readers who say that the insights and processes I've shared have led them to real results: changes in their life, big realisations. Sometimes there's a little fearful voice inside me which whispers: "But if you share all this for free, nobody will ever invest their money in your services." Yet the reality is that clients keep signing up for one-to-one coaching because of the process of coaching, as well as the results. That space of 40 minutes dedicated entirely to them every week or so. The feeling of being truly listened to. The experience of being seen and understood... and challenged! - given that "kick up the backside", as many call it :-) They keep attending workshops because of the feeling of a shared journey, the experience of interacting with other like-minded people, the space dedicated to exploration and discovery.

What I've realised is that once you're offering a service which brings both a fulfilling process AND fulfilling results, you know you are on to a winner.

Do It Differently
Notice what you're motivated by. The feeling of the process? The results? Both? If there's something you've been struggling with e.g. getting new clients, use your motivation as a guide. If you've been doing activities you hate, just to get the results, try focusing on the process instead. Do marketing activities you love and notice what that does to the results. Likewise, if you've been basking in activities you love, without any sense of direction, get clear about the results you're aiming for and channel your efforts that way (as I wrote about in Step 4 of the previous post). Additionally, in marketing your ventures, you might want to consider whether your clients/customers are more result or process oriented and then market in a way which truly speaks to them.

The World Needs Your Passion - The Monthly Ezine
I love sharing tools so much that I'm launching a new monthly ezine The World Needs Your Passion. This provides intelligent women with the motivation & practical strategies needed to create ventures which truly matter. The first issue is out this Friday and like this blog, is free and packed with value. To subscribe, click here.

#49 - X Factor

In the early stages of developing your inspirational ventures, there are so many "How do I.....?" questions. I often get asked by fellow coaches: "How do you get your clients?" so I wrote a short report to answer them easily. One reader wrote me a huge long email, full of questions. She was curious because it sounded so easy and wanted to know the science behind the magic - how was I really doing it? What was my process, what qualities was I employing, what was making the difference between a one-off encounter and a solid, long-lasting business relationship? Bottom-line was, she wanted to know what my 'x factor' was.

I realised how unconscious we often are of our own magic. It's so 'us' that we're unable to see what we're up to. One reason I often hear for women not starting their own businesses is: "But I do this so naturally, surely it can't be so easy to turn that into a business!?" We seem to have swallowed the belief somewhere along the line that says: 'Everything has to be hard and a struggle', and so we avoid what's right there, under our noses.

Here's a 5-step process for becoming conscious of your own X Factor, so that you can amplify it , harness it, and share it with others.

Step 1: Do What You Do Naturally
For a day (or a few hours at least), stop doing any 'should' activities. Just do what you love, what comes naturally. Reconnect with what's instinctively there.

Step 2: Start Peeking On What Comes Naturally
Casually notice what you're up to. "Ah, I phoned ten people in the last hour" or "I brought a sample of my favourite food to work and then everyone wanted the recipe". Don't go changing anything, simply notice.

Step 3: Become Conscious Of What You're Doing Naturally
Move from casual observation to conscientious awareness. Make a note of your most obvious qualities & activities (Some of mine, for example, are: Talking with strangers, Writing tons, Being out and about in Cambridge often, Doing things differently, Following my heart).

Step 4: Do These Things With Direction
Employ your natural strengths in a direction of your choosing. Focus on what you want to achieve and use your natural strengths to get you there - e.g. I use my writing to share coaching processes with others. Be deliberate, conscious and consistent.

Step 5: Share Your Learnings With Others
Every one of us does things differently. However, if you can share your process with others, it gives them an access map to find and develop their own natural ways, e.g. Show someone who's struggling with disorganisation how you make lists and then prioritise; it may give them a key to unlocking their own most effective ways of working.

When you hear yourself asking: "How do I....?", interpret it as "How do I already.....?" (rather than: "How should I....?") Keep learning from others, but put the essential ingredients in place first. Each piece of new information you receive, you can then decide how it relates to the foundation of you doing the things, in the ways, that you naturally do.

Do Things Differently
Follow the five steps above, with the intention of discovering how you do what you naturally do. Become intimately acquainted with your very own X Factor. Notice what it's like to play from your natural strengths, rather than from a rule book. And if you're feeling brave, ask five people in your life: what do THEY see as being your X Factor?

And if you're feeling REALLY brave, leave a comment on this blog, letting us all know :)

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008
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New! - Monthly E-Zine, The World Needs Your Passion. Issue #1 due out Friday 26th September. Click here to receive issues straight to your in-box.

#48 - Failing Is...

I failed a sign language exam when I was a teenager. I told someone I fancied them and they said they didn't feel the same. I applied to be Head Girl at my school and didn't get it. I wrote a novel in my early twenties and had the manuscript rejected by a dozen publishers. I managed to get a meeting with a big public school in Cambridge and didn't get any coaching work out of it. I'm passionate about natural vision improvement yet still wear glasses some of the time.

These are the facts. I failed at these things. But what does that mean? There's the definition of failing - not meeting a particular result or expectations - and then there's the interpretation we give it. This is one of the most significant learnings from my coach training: our experience of a situation depends on the perspective we take, and the great news is that we get to choose our perspective. It's like we go to the theatre and all the seats are empty so we can move around until we find the seat which offers us the best, most enjoyable view.

Many of us have a view which completes the sentence like this: "Failing is... evidence I'm no good" or "Failing is... the end of the road". If we take this view, we play small, stop trying, don't take risks in case we fail. And then of course we fail anyway and beat ourselves up, vowing to avoid that route next time. Life becomes limited, there are less opportunities available to us. We've become so used to sitting in this particular seat that we believe it's The Seat, the one and only, just the way it is, when really it's just one point of view - and one that isn't particularly helpful.

In my workshop, Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word, the central activity involves generating other perspectives on failing and 'trying them on'. We come up with "Failing is... a sign I'm human", "Failing is... feedback". We're moving around that metaphorical theatre, searching for a perspective which feels true for us and is empowering enough to fuel us in to action. The key word here is: choose. We get to determine what failing means to us so that it exists as a regular part of the human experience, rather than a block to us pursuing the life we want.

Do Things Differently
Make a list of eight times you've failed. Choose the one with the greatest sting and note your current perspective on failing ("Failing is...") Now, 'try on' some other perspectives, such as the ones mentioned above. Include the two in the photo which were generated by participants at my workshop. How empowering is each? What feels different and what would you do differently if you saw failing in this way? Now, consciously choose that perspective this week. Notice how you approach a potential fail situation differently and what happens a result.

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The 'Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word' workshop is running again on Sat 18th October in Cambridge (UK). For more details and to book your place, click here.

#47 - So Uncool

When I was thirteen years old, I decided to volunteer in my local Oxfam charity shop. Back in the 1990s, this was not a cool move. Charity shops weren't yet popular enough to be trendy and shopping in one was something you only did if you had no money or style - at least in the eyes of my circle of school friends.

My conscience insisted I did something good for the world, though, and so I started working in the shop on a Saturday. All my friends would be in town but thankfully when I stood at the till, I couldn't be seen from the street. However, if ever a customer wanted something from the window, I would have to crawl onto the platform and retrieve it, making myself entirely visible to all passers-by on the High Street. I have a distinct memory of clammy hands and prayers that nobody I knew would be walking past. When you're already a geeky teenager trying hard to play it cool, that kind of exposure doesn't help.

I shop in charity shops all the time now and yet when a friend told me she'd got her wedding dress from Oxfam, it felt like a step too far. Although intellectually I thought it was a fantastic idea, my 'inner teen' responded with horror and anxiety. It's interesting to notice how we're affected by our earlier experiences, especially when they happen in our formative years.

Thankfully, I bypassed the prejudices and did buy my most perfect wedding dress from Oxfam. We went to the store in Poole, Dorset where they have a separate floor dedicated to bridal wear. The experience was hugely enjoyable and I felt every bit as special as a bride could feel. The assistants had previous experience in conventional bridal shops and so could advise on styles that most suited me and on any necessary alterations. I was also surprised to discover that the dresses are generally not pre-worn, but rather donated by designers who have showcased the gowns in fashion shows or magazine shoots. My dress cost £200, which I was told would buy a school room in a developing country. Good for me, good for others - certainly worth doing things differently.

Do Things Differently

What action are you desperate to take, but which feels that little bit 'uncool'? Cartwheels in the street, telling someone your religion, 'fessing up to an unusual hobby on your website? What version of you are you longing to be, but it's a little away from what's considered 'normal'? Perhaps you have an idea for a venture but it feels a bit geeky and you don't want to come across as an idiot as you pitch it to the bank manager or speak about it in public? Notice what you miss out on by caring too much about what's cool and what's not.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

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#46 - Worth The Risk

From this photo of our honeymoon, where would you guess we'd been?

Thailand?
Australia?

No... Scotland. Our two-week stay in the Outer Hebrides and Inverness brought us breathtaking sunsets, swimming in the Atlantic Ocean, turquoise waters and pure white sands. We took a risk with our choice of destination, rejecting more obvious options for somewhere we knew virtually nothing about, with unpredictable weather. We were rewarded with warm sunshine, the sight of seals bobbing around in the waters, and a glorious double rainbow that we could see both the ends of. The experiences we had were made possible by the few visionary people who took risks - financially, emotionally, time and energy-wise - in order to create the guest houses and self-catering accommodation in which we stayed. I asked them: what made it worth the risk?

David Milne runs Ness Bank Guest House in Inverness, a place that we chose because of its great vegan breakfasts. He says, "The B&B had been an idea on the back burner for ages. We had stayed in so many bad ones with awful food we wanted to open one that we would like to stay in. I think every now and then you have to shake things up a bit otherwise life gets very stale. Giving up our jobs... it was a fair chunk of cash to give up. But once you don't have it anymore, you don't really miss it. We'd saved a fair bit and did things quite cautiously - moved to a rented house, did a business plan. The current place came on the market and although a touch too much, we had to have it; it's a great location. I love earning my own cash and not being stuck in a computer studio 50 hours a week."

Ian at Broad Bay House on the Isle of Lewis doesn't even know if he'd call it a risk, having seen it more as a "great opportunity that might have a downside". He focuses on the upsides - "running our own business, living somewhere great, seeing the reaction of guests when we show them the house and location, and meeting loads of fun, interesting people".

The guest books in these places are full of praise and gratitude, testimony to the owners' commitment to providing wonderful holiday experiences for people. These people leapt, the nets appeared, and those nets are now little sanctuaries where others can stay in order to enjoy beautiful parts of the world. Inspired to open your own?

Do Things Differently
This week, challenge yourself to go that little (or big) step further. Push the boundaries, take a risk, focus on the opportunity as being more compelling than the drawbacks. Notice your relationship with this idea of 'risk' and how it feels to know that others could really benefit from you taking that leap.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

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If you're considering creating an inspirational venture like these, do get in touch and let me know. I support people at various stages of turning an idea into reality, through one-to-one coaching and group workshops.

#45 - We Are A Circle

We got married on 26th July. Our wedding could not have been more beautiful, nor more in keeping with the spirit of Doing Things Differently. So many people told us that it was the most enjoyable wedding they'd ever been to - firstly, because there was such overflowing of love and secondly, because it was so unique and had 'us' stamped so clearly upon every aspect. I could go on and on about every little detail but instead here is my top ten of some of the reasons this day became the dream it was:

10. tons of activities and chances to get involved e.g. a treasure hunt, a video diary room, a 'guess the baby photo' game and a Wisdom Tree from which guests could hang their thoughts
9. the whole thing took place outdoors in my parents' beautiful gardens with recycled glass jar lanterns at sunset
8. both wedding dresses were from Oxfam Bridal and tiaras from British Heart Foundation
7. a performance section with friends offering juggling, jokes, beat-boxing & singing
6. many decorations were enjoying their second life from shop window displays e.g. sparkling pink fairies from Lush, and signs were painted by our friend
5. the buffet was entirely vegan and sugar-free and had everyone going back for more
4. our friends made a photo slide-show which documented our 4 years together and played piano and sang as the back-drop for our first dance
3. speeches were toasted with home-made champagne from hand-picked elderflowers and accompanied by local strawberries
2. the ceremony itself was held by our three best friends, with various friends and family offering readings and singing our favourite chant: We Are A Circle
1. our love truly was at the centre of the whole day, with every decision leading back to that core.

Our love inspired all the organisation and then the sense of created-by-community inspired our guests. What made this possible was that we really looked to our circle of friends and family to hold the day for us and support us, both practically and emotionally. We looked to their skills and asked what they wanted to contribute. And rather than this being a burden for them, we saw their joy at being so instrumental in creating the magic of our special day. They gave us so much, and we gave them the opportunity to share their gifts with others. It fully affirmed my belief that we all long to contribute and find our meaning in this way. The beauty of the day will be with us forever - THANK YOU to all of you who gave that to us.

Do Things Differently
Whatever you're working on at the moment - be it a business venture, a home-development project, an event etc - really look to see: Who is your circle? Who would absolutely love to contribute something of their skills and talents to help you out? Play with the idea that they might be desperate for an opportunity to offer their gifts and see if you can provide them with that.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

After-thought....
Yesterday, I got chatting with my optician about our wedding and he was so impressed by how different it all was that he wants me to sit down with him and his fiancee and help them generate ideas for theirs. I'm wondering if there might be something in this so I'm keen to explore a You Inspire Me 'plan an inspirational event/do your event differently' service. So... if you are planning an event like a wedding, birthday, or anniversary bash and want to Do It Differently - book a session. This is a new venture so we'll assess as we go how many sessions you might want. Sessions are £50 each and can be booked here.