#59 - Selling Away Dreams

Recently, I was invited back to my old secondary school. It's been over a decade since I left yet walking the corridors still evoked powerful emotions. The pride of achievement, a deep loneliness, the sparkle of mischief.

I wasn't there to talk about the rollercoaster of teen life, however. I was there to speak at their Careers Convention about enterprise - or more specifically, How To Start A Business By Accident. I had a scheduled speaking slot and also a consultation table where a short queue developed. Students and their parents sat down expectantly, wondering what this world of enterprise might hold for them.

One story in particular had a big impact on me. A mother and daughter joined me and I asked the girl, "So, what are you interested in?" She looked down and shrugged nervously, "I don't know". It was quite late in the evening and she'd clearly been to table after table, gathering information on careers in engineering, accountancy, law etc. I ascertained that she was in Year 8 (a.k.a 12 or 13 years old) and so qualified the question with a smile: "I don't mean what you're interested in later, I mean now." She still looked bewildered until her mum whispered to her: "You like dancing, don't you?" Suddenly, the girl lit up. "Wow!" I said. "What do you love about dancing?" A different person answered me - a lively, confident, excited young woman who seemed energised just by the thought of being on stage. "It sounds like you feel at home there", I said. She nodded enthusiastically. Whereas before she'd avoided eye contact, she now couldn't take her eyes off me. Her mum looked a little anxious and informed me: "Yes, but I've told her it's a very competitive field and she should pursue something else as a career and do dancing as a hobby". The girl's head fell again and she nodded compliantly.

Why? Why do we sell our dreams away so easily? The sadness I feel at a story like this is my constant inspiration to keep doing what I do. Any time someone calls me 'naive' or an 'idealist', I tell them of the so many people I know who are fully living their dreams. Whose passions got them through the challenges of competition, whose drive kept them going through any obstacles in their way. This is realism and it's time teenagers - and indeed all of us - really get that life is just too short to do anything other than what brings us fully alive.

People aren't meant to know at age 12 or 13 what they want to do for a career. They are meant to have their passions nurtured, they are meant to feel that they are valid, important, significant human beings - right now, as they are in these moments. They are meant to be encouraged to fill their lives with as much joy as possible, trusting that the path of their heart will continually lead them through a fulfilling life. They are certainly not meant to sell their dreams away before they've even fully formed.

This is the perspective I offered that girl and her mum - who herself had spent the last 30 years doing work she didn't care about. I hope it awakened something in them both.

And yes, if you're wondering - that photo is me at age 13.

Do Things Differently
1) Connect with the 13 year old you. What did you dream of? What could you spend hours and hours engrossed in? Where or what felt most like 'home'?
2) What happened to those dreams? Were they supported, strengthened and explored? Did they die of their own accord, replaced by more powerful dreams? Or were they sold away?
3) Give your 13 year old self an hour to do what she wants. Does she play guitar, help at an animal sanctuary, develop a computer programme? Given that your adult self could now turn your passions into the basis for work, what of your working life might you like to do differently?
4) Extra: You might like to listen to Pink's Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

* * Just a few days until the launch of my A Business Called You workshop. You can listen to a very short description of this here:

If your 13 year old self would like to join us in exploring the dream of having your own business, leave your email here and the booking administrator will contact you to reserve your place. Do leave your details even if you can't make this Saturday and I will let you know when it runs again * *

#57 - Your Slice Of The World

Where were you when you heard that Obama would be the next American president? I was in bed, it was 6am, and I got a text from my dad with lots of exclamation marks. I almost cried with joy, as I know many did do. On Facebook, my friends' statuses were jubilant, my clients that day had renewed vigour, women at the gym were beaming. It was literally as if the air had changed, the atmosphere had a different smell, the whole world was a different colour.

As far as I saw it, this wasn't about a man of mixed-race who represented triumph at the end of a long, hard civil rights battle. I'm not naive enough to believe that all divisions and inequalities had dissolved. Obama is still a middle-class, Christian, heterosexual male and as such has more demographically in common with George Bush than with me. The day he was elected was also the day Californians voted against same-sex marriage.

No, what is new and refreshing and inspirational is this man's ability to hold a vision and expand it to an ever-increasing slice of the world. To touch more and more people with his realistic idealism, his genuinely-believed "Anything is possible" ideology, his focus on peace, democracy and earth stewardship. He stands in his role as a true leader, someone you can believe in and trust in. How he speaks - no notes, so relaxed, so in his body - inspired me to buy a book on Transformational Speaking, so hungry was I to learn what he does so seemingly effortlessly.

My client summed it up beautifully, saying: "I feel now we can shake off the cynicism". For a while now, my friend and I have had a familiar faithful conversation where we bemoan the lack of true leaders in the world. Now, we don't get to play so passive any more. Obama shows that we need to throw away the excuses and say "Yes we can" - and then get on and do it.

If we want leaders like Obama, we need to support them, vote for them, become them. There is no shortage of brilliant, inspirational people in our world. Let's just make sure they know how significant they are and play the roles they are here to play.

Do Things Differently
1) Make a list of ten people, alive today, who give you hope, who inspire you, who you're happy to have in charge of their slice of the world, no matter how big or small that piece is. Alongside their name, identify why it matters that they play that role.
2) Share this with each of them - alert that person to their own significance. They might not have a clue. Also, find a way of supporting them.
3) Scan the list you made in the first section and notice which values popped up repeatedly. Allow yourself to realise what's most important/significant for you - this might help you with the next step...
4) Finally, identify which slice of life you are currently responsible for. How are you doing? What's next for YOU as a leader in this area? (Hint: It's probably a step that feels scary) Do it! :-)

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

#43 - Grow Up

Back in 1992, a 12 year old girl called Severn Suzuki spoke at the UN Earth Summit- watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZsDliXzyAY

The energy of this speech awakens something in me. Here is a young person who is angry. She is an unadulterated reminder of that inherent sense of right and wrong which we all possess, and the simplicity of her words bring home to us the obvious priority of our environmental situation. The imperatives she uses - "stop", "don't", "change" - are words we're used to adults using with children, yet here is a young person addressing adults in this tone.

The energy of angry teenage idealism always inspires me and it's an energy we need now more than ever. We need to get indignant. We need to get disgusted and baffled and horrified by what's continuing to happen on this planet, despite everything we know and have known for as long as I've been alive. We need to connect with the part of us that just knows that it's wrong to consume and waste to the extent we are now and we then need to allow that energy to power us forward into radical, inspirational solutions.

We might say "oh well it's easy to be idealistic when you're young". It's actually not. It's frustrating beyond belief to feel like you have all these ideas for how the world should be and yet feel that the power is with the 'grown-ups' who aren't using it very well. I think lots of us still feel like those dis-empowered children when we see what politicians and corporations are doing. We feel hopeless and impotent and switch on the telly instead.

We are adults. We DO get to act, we DO have power, we CAN implement plans. We get to enact one of the most powerful equations - IDEALISM + ACTION = WORLD-CHANGING. In her speech, Severn says: "I don't have all the solutions". As a teenager, she doesn't necessarily know the 'how' of what she's fighting for, but she knows she must fight. As we become adults, we need to keep hold of that indignant sense of purpose and then add the'how' . We learn the mechanics, practicalities, solutions and pathways so that we can use that knowledge to make our vision real in the world. In short, we become adults so that we can add the 'how' to the teenage vision. Let's not get confused and choose the 'how' instead of the vision.

We can take the treasure of those teenage years - the passion, the feisty make-things-right energy - and give it a channel. We can be impassioned adults, truly able to make a difference. I work with clients like this every week, people who have huge, inspirational visions. By working together to get them clear on their visions and committed to them, they find that they just have to find the resources to manifest them. They realise that when they're fuelled by that passionate urgency, they HAVE to find the how-to. And they always do.

For You
What did you get angry about in your early teens? What issues most bothered you? How did you want to change the world? Maybe you felt that you were 'only a child' and couldn't really make a difference. Now connect with what's true for you today - do the same issues fire you up, or others? Find the emotion and the passion that can be your fuel. What are you compelled to change, make better, make more sane in the world? If you simply had to do this, what would you do? And what would you do TODAY?