I didn't feel particularly attractive as a kid. I wore NHS glasses and was a little chubby round the edges. When I was around ten, I started wearing a dress - it was red with some kind of cool kiddie slogan on the front - which I felt good in. It fitted me perfectly. Like all young ones, I grew quickly and the dress got progressively shorter, but because I loved how I felt in that dress, I kept wearing it till it fitted me more like a t-shirt. I still remember how rubbish it felt when I admitted that I had to let it go.
I started these E-zines on May 2nd 2006. There's a year of such ponderings archived on my blogspot site (see below) reflecting my own journey and the insights I've received from family, friends & clients. They represent a year of connections with a group of people who read my words and take something from them.
As you will have noticed, they've kind of trailed off in the recent months. I still have plenty to say but the pull to convey them in this format isn't there anymore. It's feeling like a chore - and when that happens, I know it's an alert to look and reassess. There's a different way to meet the intention that this E-zine was set up for and I feel drawn to look there.
When we clear what no longer fits us, we make room for what does. Recently I've been doing more and more work in person with teenagers - at schools, youth groups, youth conferences etc - and am reminded of how 'me' this kind of work is, how 'me' it's always been. It's time for me to realign with that and have the writing I do connect more specifically with those interactions.
My coach training was really good on the importance of 'completion' - on ending things cleanly and with integrity. On saying whatever needs saying in order to put a satisfying full stop at the end of what we've been involved with, instead of letting it fade or trickle away.
So in terms of this E-zine and its blog, this is over and out from me. Thank you for 'Doing Things Differently' with me - for the comments I've received, ideas I've been given, simply for the opportunity to write and be read.
I would love for you to be part of the new projects as they arise so I will stay in touch as long as you want me to :) Enjoy your final Inquiry & Action and feel free to let me know what you come up with.
With much love,
Corrina x
Inquiry: What have I grown out of?
Action: Take an audit of your life. Scan for what is there simply because it's always been there, or because it feels routine or comfortable. Maybe clothes, people, projects, jobs, ways of doing things, furniture, your home, your car, or the way you travel to college or work. When you've identified an aspect of your life you've grown out of, consider how you want to complete with it. Is there a conversation to be had? A physical clear out? A change of attitude, or different action to take? Notice what happens for you energetically when you let go of what no longer fits you and make room for what will.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
#37 - Caves
A couple of weeks ago, I lost my mojo. You know that feeling? Heavy, disconnected, walking around in a slump. It was only in retrospect, when I had got reconnected with myself, that I could look back and see the fog of the previous few days.
To bottom-line, something I'd planned tons for and had been really looking forward to didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Rather than allowing myself to feel my disappointment, I locked it away and got bitter. I bitched, I moaned, I made excuses. It was obviously all their fault that it hadn't worked out well. In my coaching, I spotted myself going along with my clients' limiting beliefs, inwardly agreeing that life was quite rubbish and that probably was 'just the way things were'.
What I really needed was to be in a cave, nursing my wounds. Allowing myself to swim in the disappointment and being compassionate with myself about how I felt - instead of putting on a false smile and seething inside.
How often we push ourselves out into the world, all armoured up, when really we're feeling hurt, insecure, rejected, let down. We drag ourselves through the days, pretending that everything is just fine and dandy, leaving a trail of negativity behind us. Some of us have been living in this land of armour for so long it feels normal. The cynical, jaded, complaining attitude that some people adapt as their default is a way of hiding, but it's not the nurturing 'anything goes, you're safe here' cave we actually need.
If we can create healthy caves for ourselves, where we can go and let it all out - all the anger, upset, envy etc - then we can go back out into the world authentically, open. We come to know that we have a way of being with the discomfort when it crops up again - and there is huge safety in that.
Inquiry: What is my version of a healthy 'cave'?
Action: Notice this week where you push yourself out into the world when really you want to be in a cave. Create a cave for yourself, however that looks for you - whether it's an hour in the bath, plugging into a walkman, going for a run, having a holiday, crying on your partner etc. Decide that every emotion will be allowed here, and then allow yourself to go there whenever you want some 'time out' to process the experiences of your life. Notice what's different about your 'out in the world' time as a result.
To bottom-line, something I'd planned tons for and had been really looking forward to didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Rather than allowing myself to feel my disappointment, I locked it away and got bitter. I bitched, I moaned, I made excuses. It was obviously all their fault that it hadn't worked out well. In my coaching, I spotted myself going along with my clients' limiting beliefs, inwardly agreeing that life was quite rubbish and that probably was 'just the way things were'.
What I really needed was to be in a cave, nursing my wounds. Allowing myself to swim in the disappointment and being compassionate with myself about how I felt - instead of putting on a false smile and seething inside.
How often we push ourselves out into the world, all armoured up, when really we're feeling hurt, insecure, rejected, let down. We drag ourselves through the days, pretending that everything is just fine and dandy, leaving a trail of negativity behind us. Some of us have been living in this land of armour for so long it feels normal. The cynical, jaded, complaining attitude that some people adapt as their default is a way of hiding, but it's not the nurturing 'anything goes, you're safe here' cave we actually need.
If we can create healthy caves for ourselves, where we can go and let it all out - all the anger, upset, envy etc - then we can go back out into the world authentically, open. We come to know that we have a way of being with the discomfort when it crops up again - and there is huge safety in that.
Inquiry: What is my version of a healthy 'cave'?
Action: Notice this week where you push yourself out into the world when really you want to be in a cave. Create a cave for yourself, however that looks for you - whether it's an hour in the bath, plugging into a walkman, going for a run, having a holiday, crying on your partner etc. Decide that every emotion will be allowed here, and then allow yourself to go there whenever you want some 'time out' to process the experiences of your life. Notice what's different about your 'out in the world' time as a result.
Friday, April 20, 2007
#36 - Quality Questions
This week, I've been ill - gunky, sore throat, run down. When this happens, I know it's a sign that I need to slow down and make life more simple.
However, work has got deliciously busy recently and I found myself ignoring my body and continuing to rush around like a headless chicken. I took on one task too many and ended up having to cancel an appointment that I'd been really looking forward to. I lay there, defeated, amongst tissues and echinacea, asking myself: "How could I be so stupid?" The more I asked myself this, the more annoyed with myself I became - which led to more of the "When will I learn??" type questions and yet more frustration.
My guess is that we do this a lot. We ask ourselves questions with no answers. The result? - we're left disempowered. We keep ourselves repeating the same patterns, remaining in the same situations, going round and round in circles.
Once I'd realised this was what I was doing, I started playing with new questions - empowering ones. My intention was to find quality questions that would open doors, instead of trapping me in 'same old, same old'.
"What was important to me when I made those decisions?"
"What does my body need right now?"
"What's the gift in this cold?"
"Where could I make my life easier?"
The coolest one I stumbled upon was: "What new way of being is this asking me to step into?" Now I could get curious. I could really look, I could get insight. I could see that my exhaustion was asking me to really notice where I was putting my energy and be more discerning about what I said "yes" to. It was asking me to focus on quality, not quantity - to do one thing at a time and do it well, rather than spread myself too thinly. Now I was finding answers which could lead to different kinds of actions - a way out of this unproductive pattern.
What are the disempowering questions you ask yourself? "Why have I done this again?" "Why is this happening to me?" Notice that when the question allows no answers, there are no choices, no places to move or grow. Now think about times you've been asked - or asked yourself - powerful questions, and what became possible as a result.
Inquiry: What are powerful questions for me?
Action: This week, notice what questions you ask yourself. Notice the impact of them and make a game of finding questions that feel more empowering. Make a list of questions that can be relied upon to bring you insight and more sense of the possibilities and choices available to you. Commit to asking yourself one of these when you feel stuck or frustrated.
However, work has got deliciously busy recently and I found myself ignoring my body and continuing to rush around like a headless chicken. I took on one task too many and ended up having to cancel an appointment that I'd been really looking forward to. I lay there, defeated, amongst tissues and echinacea, asking myself: "How could I be so stupid?" The more I asked myself this, the more annoyed with myself I became - which led to more of the "When will I learn??" type questions and yet more frustration.
My guess is that we do this a lot. We ask ourselves questions with no answers. The result? - we're left disempowered. We keep ourselves repeating the same patterns, remaining in the same situations, going round and round in circles.
Once I'd realised this was what I was doing, I started playing with new questions - empowering ones. My intention was to find quality questions that would open doors, instead of trapping me in 'same old, same old'.
"What was important to me when I made those decisions?"
"What does my body need right now?"
"What's the gift in this cold?"
"Where could I make my life easier?"
The coolest one I stumbled upon was: "What new way of being is this asking me to step into?" Now I could get curious. I could really look, I could get insight. I could see that my exhaustion was asking me to really notice where I was putting my energy and be more discerning about what I said "yes" to. It was asking me to focus on quality, not quantity - to do one thing at a time and do it well, rather than spread myself too thinly. Now I was finding answers which could lead to different kinds of actions - a way out of this unproductive pattern.
What are the disempowering questions you ask yourself? "Why have I done this again?" "Why is this happening to me?" Notice that when the question allows no answers, there are no choices, no places to move or grow. Now think about times you've been asked - or asked yourself - powerful questions, and what became possible as a result.
Inquiry: What are powerful questions for me?
Action: This week, notice what questions you ask yourself. Notice the impact of them and make a game of finding questions that feel more empowering. Make a list of questions that can be relied upon to bring you insight and more sense of the possibilities and choices available to you. Commit to asking yourself one of these when you feel stuck or frustrated.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
#35 - A Business Called You
My partner and I have just got back from a five night break in Bristol & Somerset. One thing which stood out for me about the trip was how many unique, independent businesses we encountered, all of which contributed something special to our experience.
One such example was Cafe Kino in Bristol. This is a not-for-profit co-operative cafe with an all veggie menu and a community feel. They're hugely conscious of the environment - I almost fell over when I saw their takeaway sandwich containers were made from biodegradable plastic. They have quirky events like a weekly knitting group and staff contribute their unique skills - like Michael, who serves behind the counter and designed their very cool website ( www.cafe-kino.com).
Many of us frequent shops, cafes & other enterprises which are run by a small group of people - maybe even just one person. Bring to mind some of these before you read on. When created from an authentic desire to serve, these businesses feel human; you can feel the personalities behind them. You really get the sense that someone has said "I have something to offer the world" and has started their business to enable them to do that.
In the careers education I received, it seemed you either went into prviate sector business to make money or you did something good for the world by going into public sector work or charity. More and more there's emerging a different way of making a difference. We can realise what is unique about us and act upon our human desire to contribute by turning that uniqueness into a service or product that makes a positive contribution to our communities.
This is why I coach teenagers. When a young person gets in touch with what they are really passionate about, it's like a light goes on. They can spend their whole lifetime finding fulfilling ways of offering that uniqueness to the world.Everyone benefits as a result.
Inquiry: What is absolutely unique about me that this world is craving?
Action: Imagine the only way of making a living is to start your own business. Write/draw/discuss with someone what it is you would love to contribute and who you want to offer that to. What impact do you want to have on the world? What need are you yearning to meet? (By the way, do this even if you already have your own business - it can shake up stale patterns and get you back to the essence of what you're about.) Notice what it's like to recognise the uniqueness of you and how much the world would benefit from you offering that.
And hey, if the idea grabs you, consider actually starting your own business. I can highly recommend it.
NB I now run workshops for schools & colleges entitled 'A Business Called You', helping students in Yrs 9-13 explore what their own business could look like. If you're interested, please ask for more details.
One such example was Cafe Kino in Bristol. This is a not-for-profit co-operative cafe with an all veggie menu and a community feel. They're hugely conscious of the environment - I almost fell over when I saw their takeaway sandwich containers were made from biodegradable plastic. They have quirky events like a weekly knitting group and staff contribute their unique skills - like Michael, who serves behind the counter and designed their very cool website ( www.cafe-kino.com).
Many of us frequent shops, cafes & other enterprises which are run by a small group of people - maybe even just one person. Bring to mind some of these before you read on. When created from an authentic desire to serve, these businesses feel human; you can feel the personalities behind them. You really get the sense that someone has said "I have something to offer the world" and has started their business to enable them to do that.
In the careers education I received, it seemed you either went into prviate sector business to make money or you did something good for the world by going into public sector work or charity. More and more there's emerging a different way of making a difference. We can realise what is unique about us and act upon our human desire to contribute by turning that uniqueness into a service or product that makes a positive contribution to our communities.
This is why I coach teenagers. When a young person gets in touch with what they are really passionate about, it's like a light goes on. They can spend their whole lifetime finding fulfilling ways of offering that uniqueness to the world.Everyone benefits as a result.
Inquiry: What is absolutely unique about me that this world is craving?
Action: Imagine the only way of making a living is to start your own business. Write/draw/discuss with someone what it is you would love to contribute and who you want to offer that to. What impact do you want to have on the world? What need are you yearning to meet? (By the way, do this even if you already have your own business - it can shake up stale patterns and get you back to the essence of what you're about.) Notice what it's like to recognise the uniqueness of you and how much the world would benefit from you offering that.
And hey, if the idea grabs you, consider actually starting your own business. I can highly recommend it.
NB I now run workshops for schools & colleges entitled 'A Business Called You', helping students in Yrs 9-13 explore what their own business could look like. If you're interested, please ask for more details.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
#34 - Messing Up
How are you at 'messing up'? Getting things 'wrong'? Making 'mistakes'? What happens to your body when you judge yourself as having done this?
Last week, I had to make a decision about whether to go ahead with some dental work. I obsessed and obsessed about making the right decision, as if it were out there somewhere waiting to be found. I was paralysed with fear at the prospect of making the wrong decision.
I took this topic to a session with my coach, asking to explore this familar fear of 'getting things wrong'. I could see that I was holding an incredibly limited and narrow perspective on decision making, and - in fact - on being human in general. How much fun could there be if I was always bothered about whether I was doing something right or not?
My coach challenged me to spend a week intentionally messing up. I took this on and added an extra piece: I decided to notice myself 'messing up', whether by intention or not, and to say: "I got something wrong! Hoorah! I'm human!" I quickly realised what an empowering, uplifting, energising reframe that is. It cuts right through the judgement and puts a stop to me beating myself up about appearing less than perfect.
I've also been applying the reframe to others. If I catch myself judging someone for 'messing up', I inwardly remind myself: "Hoorah! They're messing up! They're human!" Not only does it take that judgement away, but it connects me with others, reminding me that we're all equal. We're no longer a bunch of people getting things 'right' or 'wrong' and thereby being 'better' or 'worse' than others. There's also a gratitude piece in there - THANK YOU for being human, as hard as it can be, and sharing this weird amazing human journey together.
Imagine creating schools where we don't assess people as doing things 'right' and 'wrong', 'good' and 'bad', where we don't create hierarchies and winners and losers. I'm reminded of a Taoist story that I want to end this Ezine with:
Imagine creating schools where we don't assess people as doing things 'right' and 'wrong', 'good' and 'bad', where we don't create hierarchies and winners and losers. I'm reminded of a Taoist story that I want to end this Ezine with:
A farmer living in a poor country village is considered well-off by his neighbours as he owns a horse which he uses for ploughing and transportation. One day, his horse runs away. All his neighbours exclaim how terrible this is, but the farmer replies: "How do we know what is bad?"
A few days later, the horse returns, bringing with it two wild horses. The neighbours all rejoice at his good fortune, but the farmer replies: "How do we know what is good?"
The next day, the farmer's son tries to ride the wild horses. He is thrown and breaks a leg. The neighbours all offer their sympathy for his misfortune, but the farmer replies: "How do we know what is bad?"
The following week, conscription officers come to the village to take the young men into the army. They reject the farmer's son because of his broken leg. When the neighbours tell him how lucky he is... - well, you can guess what he says!
Inquiry: What does it mean to me to 'get things wrong'?
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
#33 - Pure Joy
I received two pieces of information this week which made me literally squeal with joy. Firstly, I was successful in an application for a job I desperately wanted. Secondly, my brother and his wife told us that they're expecting a baby.
Joy isn't an unusual emotion for me - in fact, I'm quite known for it. After receiving the phone call about the job, I went skipping down the street. A woman working in an office saw me jumping past and looked at me in complete bemusement, to which my partner laughed and said: "That was such a Corrina moment!"
Joy doesn't seem to be a hugely common state of being, though. How often have we asked someone how they are and they reply: "I'm joyful!" or "Full of joy, thanks!" It's an emotion that almost seems frowned upon. It's often associated with being childish, silly, insubstantial. It's not deep, it's not something that anyone with adult responsibilities should feel, at least not for any amount of time. It shows that someone doesn't really get what life is about. We can talk about 'enjoying' a film or a holiday, but are we talking about the experience of feeling pure joy?
What brings you joy? For me, it's things like receiving good news, dancing, listening to uplifting music, cycling down hills, romance, feeling Spring arrive. What's your experience of joy when it shows up? For me, I feel lifted - like a surge of air has just entered my solar plexus and swept me off my feet. I can feel my eyes sparkling, my body tingling, and I want to sing, run, jump, dance.
What I notice about us humans is that we can block our pleasurable emotions just as much as, if not more than, our painful ones. Joy can feel almost too good to bear. Five minutes after receiving the phone call about my new job, I found myself talking about the logistics of something completely different, in planning and organisation mode. I checked myself and decided to bask in the joy of it for the whole evening instead.
Basking in joy for me means taking the joy deep and allowing it to spread. Breathing into the emotion, allowing it to fill every cell of my body, from my finger tips to the tips of my toes. As I do this, I can feel myself getting grounded, connected to the Earth, but also lifted still. I become a bigger, more vibrant, more alive version of myself. What's it like for you?
Inquiry: What brings me pure joy?
Action: Notice your response to this Ezine. How comfortable are you with the emotion of 'joy'? Does it make your squirm, feel distaste, or do you welcome it? Have you decided it's something only children feel, or something you accept within yourself? This week, be aware of any events or occurences which could cause you to feel joyful. See what it's like to allow yourself to go with that emotion and deepen your experience of it. How joyful can you allow yourself to be?
Joy isn't an unusual emotion for me - in fact, I'm quite known for it. After receiving the phone call about the job, I went skipping down the street. A woman working in an office saw me jumping past and looked at me in complete bemusement, to which my partner laughed and said: "That was such a Corrina moment!"
Joy doesn't seem to be a hugely common state of being, though. How often have we asked someone how they are and they reply: "I'm joyful!" or "Full of joy, thanks!" It's an emotion that almost seems frowned upon. It's often associated with being childish, silly, insubstantial. It's not deep, it's not something that anyone with adult responsibilities should feel, at least not for any amount of time. It shows that someone doesn't really get what life is about. We can talk about 'enjoying' a film or a holiday, but are we talking about the experience of feeling pure joy?
What brings you joy? For me, it's things like receiving good news, dancing, listening to uplifting music, cycling down hills, romance, feeling Spring arrive. What's your experience of joy when it shows up? For me, I feel lifted - like a surge of air has just entered my solar plexus and swept me off my feet. I can feel my eyes sparkling, my body tingling, and I want to sing, run, jump, dance.
What I notice about us humans is that we can block our pleasurable emotions just as much as, if not more than, our painful ones. Joy can feel almost too good to bear. Five minutes after receiving the phone call about my new job, I found myself talking about the logistics of something completely different, in planning and organisation mode. I checked myself and decided to bask in the joy of it for the whole evening instead.
Basking in joy for me means taking the joy deep and allowing it to spread. Breathing into the emotion, allowing it to fill every cell of my body, from my finger tips to the tips of my toes. As I do this, I can feel myself getting grounded, connected to the Earth, but also lifted still. I become a bigger, more vibrant, more alive version of myself. What's it like for you?
Inquiry: What brings me pure joy?
Action: Notice your response to this Ezine. How comfortable are you with the emotion of 'joy'? Does it make your squirm, feel distaste, or do you welcome it? Have you decided it's something only children feel, or something you accept within yourself? This week, be aware of any events or occurences which could cause you to feel joyful. See what it's like to allow yourself to go with that emotion and deepen your experience of it. How joyful can you allow yourself to be?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
#32 - Perfection Paralysis
Yes, you're right, there's been no Ezine from me in nearly two months. It's not that there hasn't been anything to write about - in fact the opposite is true. I've had idea after idea... and got stuck trying to decide which one was the PERFECT one.
Let's call this phenomenon 'perfection paralysis'. Just nod your head sympathetically if you know what I'm talking about. It's where you endow whatever you're doing with huge importance and fixate on getting it 'right'. When I used to send weekly Ezines, I'd just write about whatever was happening that week but with the 'new improved' monthly format I've switched to, I've been trying to find just one glorious idea and hone it till it became perfect - a sure-fire way of destroying the creative impulse.
In coaching, we notice that where a pattern shows up in one area of someone's life, there's a high chance it's showing up somewhere else too. So I know for me that I have tons of brilliant ideas for how to take my work into schools and colleges... and don't take much action because I'm waiting to come up with the perfect package, presented in the most perfect way. I also know that I want to get the people I love the perfect birthday present so I wait and wait, thinking it'll come to me in a flash of inspiration, and then it gets too late that I get them the same mundane thing I got them last year. There's a giant gap between the perfect, the ideal.... and what you get when you do nothing.
When I was training as a teacher, we started with just one lesson a week to plan. Of course, it had to be THE PERFECT LESSON. So out came every resource under the sun, every clever creative way of conveying the topic... and the result was often a lesson which was way too convoluted. Not a lot of fun - for me or my students. I now notice that it's often the simple, skeletally planned lessons and workshops which have the impact - coming more from the gut and less from the complexities of the mind.
One way out of perfection paralysis is to make the doing of the task more important than the result. I'm writing this Ezine for the sake of doing it, not getting it perfect. I know there are lines that are bumpy, phrases that could be better. I'm letting that go.
When we make getting something 'right' the desired outcome, we can tie ourselves in knots. Instead, we can choose to see our lives as big laboratory experiments. Take action, notice what happens, learn, do something differently next time. This way, we're constantly moving forward and learning - and there's the joy of being human.
Ezines will be weekly and imperfect from now on.... :0)
Inquiry: Where in my life am I trying to be perfect? And what's the impact?
Action: Bring to mind something you've been putting off because you're waiting for it to be perfect. A hard conversation, an overdue letter to a friend, buying new clothes/furniture etc. Now... just do it. Let go of the need for it to be perfect and take action. Decide that moving forward is more important than getting it right and notice what shifts for you as you do this.
Let's call this phenomenon 'perfection paralysis'. Just nod your head sympathetically if you know what I'm talking about. It's where you endow whatever you're doing with huge importance and fixate on getting it 'right'. When I used to send weekly Ezines, I'd just write about whatever was happening that week but with the 'new improved' monthly format I've switched to, I've been trying to find just one glorious idea and hone it till it became perfect - a sure-fire way of destroying the creative impulse.
In coaching, we notice that where a pattern shows up in one area of someone's life, there's a high chance it's showing up somewhere else too. So I know for me that I have tons of brilliant ideas for how to take my work into schools and colleges... and don't take much action because I'm waiting to come up with the perfect package, presented in the most perfect way. I also know that I want to get the people I love the perfect birthday present so I wait and wait, thinking it'll come to me in a flash of inspiration, and then it gets too late that I get them the same mundane thing I got them last year. There's a giant gap between the perfect, the ideal.... and what you get when you do nothing.
When I was training as a teacher, we started with just one lesson a week to plan. Of course, it had to be THE PERFECT LESSON. So out came every resource under the sun, every clever creative way of conveying the topic... and the result was often a lesson which was way too convoluted. Not a lot of fun - for me or my students. I now notice that it's often the simple, skeletally planned lessons and workshops which have the impact - coming more from the gut and less from the complexities of the mind.
One way out of perfection paralysis is to make the doing of the task more important than the result. I'm writing this Ezine for the sake of doing it, not getting it perfect. I know there are lines that are bumpy, phrases that could be better. I'm letting that go.
When we make getting something 'right' the desired outcome, we can tie ourselves in knots. Instead, we can choose to see our lives as big laboratory experiments. Take action, notice what happens, learn, do something differently next time. This way, we're constantly moving forward and learning - and there's the joy of being human.
Ezines will be weekly and imperfect from now on.... :0)
Inquiry: Where in my life am I trying to be perfect? And what's the impact?
Action: Bring to mind something you've been putting off because you're waiting for it to be perfect. A hard conversation, an overdue letter to a friend, buying new clothes/furniture etc. Now... just do it. Let go of the need for it to be perfect and take action. Decide that moving forward is more important than getting it right and notice what shifts for you as you do this.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
#31 - Celebrating Together
I'm writing a book. It's for teenagers who excel academically and yet haven't really been given the opportunity to find out who they are. The corny catchphrase I'm working with at the moment is "helping intelligent young people become intelligent about themselves". I've got an outline, chapter one is nearly complete and I'm loving the process of writing it. My intention is to have it finished by the end of 2007.
The reason for me telling you all this is that I'd like to ask for accountability. Accountability is one aspect of coaching which makes it such an effective medium for change - and it's a feature that can so easily be misunderstood, even by coaches! So let's explore three ways of 'doing' accountability:
#1
This is the 'getting homework in on time' kind of accountability that we're probably most used to. In this dynamic, an authority figure is basically telling you what to do, when to do it, and to report in when done. The motivation is external and the 'handing it in' part often looks like begrudging compliance. If I was asking for this kind of accountability, you would see yourself as checking up on me: "Have you finished that chapter yet?" and nagging me if I wasn't getting it done. Our Saboteurs relish in this kind of accountability because it's rife with opportunities for judgements of 'not good enough'. Notice where in your life you encounter this.
#2
Take the emotion out - the blame and the guilt - and we're left with a factual 'account giving' kind of accountability. I'd simply be letting you know what progress I'm making with the book - what's happening? what am I learning? Notice where in your life you have this kind of objective space.
#3
#1
This is the 'getting homework in on time' kind of accountability that we're probably most used to. In this dynamic, an authority figure is basically telling you what to do, when to do it, and to report in when done. The motivation is external and the 'handing it in' part often looks like begrudging compliance. If I was asking for this kind of accountability, you would see yourself as checking up on me: "Have you finished that chapter yet?" and nagging me if I wasn't getting it done. Our Saboteurs relish in this kind of accountability because it's rife with opportunities for judgements of 'not good enough'. Notice where in your life you encounter this.
#2
Take the emotion out - the blame and the guilt - and we're left with a factual 'account giving' kind of accountability. I'd simply be letting you know what progress I'm making with the book - what's happening? what am I learning? Notice where in your life you have this kind of objective space.
#3
Add a different emotion to the mix - that of delight with every stage of the process. This accountability is where we get to celebrate what is. I get to say to you: "It's going really well", and that's okay, and "It's going really badly"... and that's okay too. You're assuming I'll do what I've said I'll do... AND you'll be accepting and curious if I don't do it. There's a blend of being compassionate and loving, whatever happens... AND staying unwaveringly focussed on the goal. Notice where in your life you get this kind of unconditional support - and what it allows you to be and do.
A final note on accountability. It's something that has to be asked for; it's a gift that's there with the sole purpose of supporting you in staying on track with what you want to do.
A final note on accountability. It's something that has to be asked for; it's a gift that's there with the sole purpose of supporting you in staying on track with what you want to do.
Oh, and in case you weren't sure what accountability I was asking for, it's the third kind please :0)
Inquiry: What would I love to be held accountable for?
Action: Use the Inquiry to bring to the forefront of your mind something you really want to do and yet have struggled to stay on track with in the past. Get clear on what the goal is and what kind of actions you want to be taking to move towards that goal. Now decide which kind of accountability you'd most value and ask someone to hold you accountable in that way. How do you want to check in with them? How do you want them to celebrate with you? How do you want them to be if you're not doing what you intended? Design them as the perfect tool for you, to help you achieve this meaningful goal. Notice what it's like to ask for support in a way which suits you - what kind of relationship it creates and what results it produces.
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