Part 2: Yes or No?
Obviously since last week's ezine, we've all been taking advantage of opportunities left, right and centre! What you may have noticed is that every time we say "yes" to an opportunity, we are implicitly saying "no" to something else. It might be a "no" to spare time, to keeping the peace, to the status quo; because opportunities require time, energy, or a change of direction, it's evident that something's got to give. In my example last week of dancing on a table, my "no" was to playing small, being boring, being invisible.
What we can ask ourselves is: which is more ALIVE, the "yes" or the "no"? Sometimes it is the "no". I had the opportunity of running a workshop in a school tomorrow - one of my favourite things to do, something which makes me feel so alive. I've said "no", though, because I'm in the tail-end of a cold and still feeilng quite run down. In that "no", is a "yes" - to a return to full health, to resting, and being able to engage with the rest of the week, which is full of other exciting opportunities. In this case, the "no" to an opportunity feels more powerful and life-affirming.
In 2003, I told my best friend that I had feelings for her. It was SCARY to do this - I was risking our friendship, and she was with someone else at the time - but the "yes" to being truthful and open felt more important than the fear, the potential loss, and even the 'proper' way of doing things whereby you don't tell someone in a relationship that you like them! As it happened, a few months later we did get together, are still together three years on, and are planning on getting married in 2008.
Out of interest, there's an opportunity I've just said "yes" to there. It's the first time I've used the pronoun 'she' when talking about my partner in this ezine. A cautious voice tells me there's a risk there: "Don't 'out' yourself professionally. Some people won't want to hire a coach who's in a same-sex relationship". The fact that you're reading these words shows that I'm saying "no" to that voice - "no" to censorship, to trying to keep my head down in case someone has a problem with who I am. I'm saying "yes", again, to truth, to openness, to sharing the magic of love - some of my most precious values. Their pull is so much stronger.
Every opportunity that presents itself to us in our life is actually an opportunity to move deeper into our true self and away from the fears that could control us. And that is what, with every opportunity, we're really saying "yes" and "no" to.
Inquiry: By saying "yes" to this, what am I saying "no" to?
Action: Bring to mind an opportunity that you feel pulled towards. Make a list of what you would be saying "yes" to and what you would be saying "no" to. Notice which is more aligned with your true self and your values: the "yes" or the "no"? Then take action from the side your true, alive self is on.
Next week, part 3 looks at: When you feel a pull to an opportunity, and you know it's in line with your true self and values, how come there can still be resistance??
Monday, November 27, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
#26: Opportunities (Part 1)
I've just got back from a long weekend in Manchester where writing juices flowed in abundance. So here is Part 1 of a 3-part exploration on the theme of opportunities...
Part 1: Feel The Pull
Picture the scene... It's Saturday night in Manchester. I'm in a busy club, pumping with great music, surrounded by partner and friends. Life is feeling fantastic - and then I spy an empty table... "Oh, I want to dance up there!" I murmur eagerly to my friend, feeling such a pull. She dares me: "Go on then!"
I freeze, an embarrassed self-conscious fear grounding me to the spot. My heart is pounding in my chest, I feel a little giddy. 'What a stupid idea', I hear myself rationalising, 'it's perfectly fine just dancing here'. The irrepressible spark of desire to live fully is dampened in that belief of 'it's easier to keep your head down, stay invisible, stay with the crowd'.
The opportunity is still there. I try to carry on dancing but I can't; the table is like a neon siren pulling me to it. And then suddenly, like the beep of a heart monitor jerking out of flatlining, I feel something inside wake up and grab control. It defiantly shrugs off the blanket of fear and without another word, I jump up onto the table.
I got thirty seconds of pure euphoria. An amazing track was playing, a whole room of strangers were looking up at me and grinning as I danced big and bold, as if my body were singing out to everyone: "oh my god - look - we're all alive!!!" I was totally present, fully in my body, filled with joy. I didn't care less when the security guard asked me to get down - it was one of those peak moments that I believe we all live for; those times when everything feels just perfect, as if designed specifically for you.
Opportunities are everywhere. We can dance in the street, climb a tree or talk to a stranger pretty much any day. We get chances to travel, meet someone new, jump on the back of a motorbike, take a free newspaper, go to a party or move in for a kiss. Some opportunities feel hugely life-altering, others feel frivolous. Some only exist only for a few seconds, some will be there all our life.
The cliche goes that we regret the things we don't do much more than the things we do. I can see the truth of that in my life - it reflects back to me the opportunities I've taken up and the ones I've chosen to ignore. How about you?
Inquiry: What opportunities are available to me right now?
Action: This week, notice what you do when an opportunity presents itself to you. Notice what you tell yourself about it and how your body feels. Trust your body to know if that opportunity would make you feel more fully alive and, if the answer's yes, throw off that blanket of fear and just do it.
Next week, Part 2 looks at: in a world of infinite opportunities, how to assess which ones to take up?
Part 1: Feel The Pull
Picture the scene... It's Saturday night in Manchester. I'm in a busy club, pumping with great music, surrounded by partner and friends. Life is feeling fantastic - and then I spy an empty table... "Oh, I want to dance up there!" I murmur eagerly to my friend, feeling such a pull. She dares me: "Go on then!"
I freeze, an embarrassed self-conscious fear grounding me to the spot. My heart is pounding in my chest, I feel a little giddy. 'What a stupid idea', I hear myself rationalising, 'it's perfectly fine just dancing here'. The irrepressible spark of desire to live fully is dampened in that belief of 'it's easier to keep your head down, stay invisible, stay with the crowd'.
The opportunity is still there. I try to carry on dancing but I can't; the table is like a neon siren pulling me to it. And then suddenly, like the beep of a heart monitor jerking out of flatlining, I feel something inside wake up and grab control. It defiantly shrugs off the blanket of fear and without another word, I jump up onto the table.
I got thirty seconds of pure euphoria. An amazing track was playing, a whole room of strangers were looking up at me and grinning as I danced big and bold, as if my body were singing out to everyone: "oh my god - look - we're all alive!!!" I was totally present, fully in my body, filled with joy. I didn't care less when the security guard asked me to get down - it was one of those peak moments that I believe we all live for; those times when everything feels just perfect, as if designed specifically for you.
Opportunities are everywhere. We can dance in the street, climb a tree or talk to a stranger pretty much any day. We get chances to travel, meet someone new, jump on the back of a motorbike, take a free newspaper, go to a party or move in for a kiss. Some opportunities feel hugely life-altering, others feel frivolous. Some only exist only for a few seconds, some will be there all our life.
The cliche goes that we regret the things we don't do much more than the things we do. I can see the truth of that in my life - it reflects back to me the opportunities I've taken up and the ones I've chosen to ignore. How about you?
Inquiry: What opportunities are available to me right now?
Action: This week, notice what you do when an opportunity presents itself to you. Notice what you tell yourself about it and how your body feels. Trust your body to know if that opportunity would make you feel more fully alive and, if the answer's yes, throw off that blanket of fear and just do it.
Next week, Part 2 looks at: in a world of infinite opportunities, how to assess which ones to take up?
Monday, November 13, 2006
#25 - Fully Experienced
Right now I'm feeling grumpy. Got a bit of a headache, rather lacking in motivation, feeling flat and quite uninterested. What a juicy place to be writing this ezine from.
B ecause I'd already decided our topic for today would be about fully experiencing wherever it is we are RIGHT NOW, without trying to cover it up, change it, or make it 'pretty'. This weekend I assisted with the module of my coach training which looks in depth at this area - it's called 'process coaching' because we're helping our clients be IN the process of their lives, rather than watching on as bystanders.
We do this by using the terrain of our bodies. Yes, those cumbersome things which dangle from our super-active heads! Our bodies are of course where we physically FEEL our feelings - so notice, right now, where in your body there's an emotion, a feeling. I've got a tight spot of energy in the middle of my forehead right now, pulling the skin there into a frown. Find a place that has feeling for you and get ready - we're going in...
Go to that feeling, whatever and wherever it is. Your aim is not to change it, but to fully experience it. What does it feel like there? Close your eyes and really go there. What is that feeling? Get into it a little deeper. What's a metaphor for this feeling? The tight spot on my forehead, for example, is like a clenched fist. Trust your intuition to bring a metaphor to you. And here's a secret - this is not a logical realm. Whether the metaphor's of a bird taking off, a rusty spanner, or a treasure chest full of skulls - that image is just perfect and you don't need to make sense of it!
So now go into that image, into that metaphor. Imagine you're the art director of a film - you want to really SEE this image so that you can go off and make it in your special effects department. What colours are here? What textures? What sounds, smells, tastes? Go beyond that - red like what? What kind of rough? What IS that taste of coffee like? Go deeper and deeper into that feeling in your body and that image which associates with it. And don't get attached to it. When the feeling starts transforming, when the image starts changing, go with it. Be in the NOW - check in - where are you with it RIGHT NOW??
What's the point of all this? you may ask. Well, magic happens when we really get in touch with the reality of our present moment. Somehow the doors we've locked swing open, insights come, things shift. As humans, we often avoid being in the moment when things get heavy; we don't want to be with this anger, this sadness or that fear so we stay on the surface, holding it all together. And we also often can't be with the really cool stuff - we don't fully experience our exquisite joy, our delight, our ecstasy.
I started off trying to write this ezine from some notes I'd made at the weekend. I was in my head, feebly rehashing past ideas, and what came out was writing that felt stilted, insincere, academic. Coming from my body, in the moment, what comes out is fuller, more substantial, more real. And I don't know about you but I'd prefer living a life that is more ilke that.
Inquiry: What do I find it most hard to be with?
Action: Every day this week, take time out to just be with whatever's in your body in that moment. Be with your period pain, your laughter, your irritation and your delight. Go through the process above, being fully and more fully with the experience of the moment. Notice what it's like to be fully present to yourself.
B ecause I'd already decided our topic for today would be about fully experiencing wherever it is we are RIGHT NOW, without trying to cover it up, change it, or make it 'pretty'. This weekend I assisted with the module of my coach training which looks in depth at this area - it's called 'process coaching' because we're helping our clients be IN the process of their lives, rather than watching on as bystanders.
We do this by using the terrain of our bodies. Yes, those cumbersome things which dangle from our super-active heads! Our bodies are of course where we physically FEEL our feelings - so notice, right now, where in your body there's an emotion, a feeling. I've got a tight spot of energy in the middle of my forehead right now, pulling the skin there into a frown. Find a place that has feeling for you and get ready - we're going in...
Go to that feeling, whatever and wherever it is. Your aim is not to change it, but to fully experience it. What does it feel like there? Close your eyes and really go there. What is that feeling? Get into it a little deeper. What's a metaphor for this feeling? The tight spot on my forehead, for example, is like a clenched fist. Trust your intuition to bring a metaphor to you. And here's a secret - this is not a logical realm. Whether the metaphor's of a bird taking off, a rusty spanner, or a treasure chest full of skulls - that image is just perfect and you don't need to make sense of it!
So now go into that image, into that metaphor. Imagine you're the art director of a film - you want to really SEE this image so that you can go off and make it in your special effects department. What colours are here? What textures? What sounds, smells, tastes? Go beyond that - red like what? What kind of rough? What IS that taste of coffee like? Go deeper and deeper into that feeling in your body and that image which associates with it. And don't get attached to it. When the feeling starts transforming, when the image starts changing, go with it. Be in the NOW - check in - where are you with it RIGHT NOW??
What's the point of all this? you may ask. Well, magic happens when we really get in touch with the reality of our present moment. Somehow the doors we've locked swing open, insights come, things shift. As humans, we often avoid being in the moment when things get heavy; we don't want to be with this anger, this sadness or that fear so we stay on the surface, holding it all together. And we also often can't be with the really cool stuff - we don't fully experience our exquisite joy, our delight, our ecstasy.
I started off trying to write this ezine from some notes I'd made at the weekend. I was in my head, feebly rehashing past ideas, and what came out was writing that felt stilted, insincere, academic. Coming from my body, in the moment, what comes out is fuller, more substantial, more real. And I don't know about you but I'd prefer living a life that is more ilke that.
Inquiry: What do I find it most hard to be with?
Action: Every day this week, take time out to just be with whatever's in your body in that moment. Be with your period pain, your laughter, your irritation and your delight. Go through the process above, being fully and more fully with the experience of the moment. Notice what it's like to be fully present to yourself.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
#24 - Becoming Fluent
I went to a great workshop on Saturday: "Become An Inspired Entrepeneur", led by Nick Williams. I've been a huge fan of Nick's work for several years because his basic premise is that we are all meant to do work that we love and prosper from it. For more on his approach visit http://www.heartatwork.net/. Most of the ideas in the workshop weren't new to me but I noticed something shift energetically for me as I soaked up his words. There was a knowingness in me that was reactivated, parts of me remembering and resonating with this inspired perspective. It felt like he was speaking a very different language from the one most people use to speak about business-building, yet one which was very familiar to me. I was reminded of my rusty French, once fluent, which comes flooding back to me when I spend any length of time in France.
Bring to mind now an area of your life which is feeling rather stuck. Consider: what 'language' are you currently speaking in this area? What key words and phrases characterise this language? Do you often hear "can't", "should" and "that's just the way it is"? Notice that this may be a language you've been speaking for years - it's like your mother tongue. Perhaps you notice you can switch between languages depending on your mood. I know I have a predominant language of "anything is possible!" and "follow your dreams!" which can sometimes slip into "it's all too hard" or "who am I kidding?". I notice how much easier it is to stay speaking the first language when I surround myself with people, books and other material which speaks in that same way.
What languages do you surround yourself with? What languages do the people around you speak? What are the words and phrases - the messages - in the material you read, watch or listen to? When I worked in France, I sometimes dreamt in French; I was so immersed in the language that it became fluent and therefore part of my subconscious, and it's well known that this immersion technique is the most effective way of learning a new language. Bring to mind people who speak a different language from you in an area you find challenging. What words and phrases characterise their language? What's the impact on their lives when they speak this language? What would it be like for YOU to start speaking this language?
Inquiry: What 'language' do I most want to become fluent in?
Action: Make a list of all the most compelling ways for you to become fluent in this new 'language'. Maybe it's spending more time with inspirational people, going on courses, reading books or magazines, spending more time in silence, or using affirmations. Choose immersion techniques that feel right for you and commit to becoming fluent.
Bring to mind now an area of your life which is feeling rather stuck. Consider: what 'language' are you currently speaking in this area? What key words and phrases characterise this language? Do you often hear "can't", "should" and "that's just the way it is"? Notice that this may be a language you've been speaking for years - it's like your mother tongue. Perhaps you notice you can switch between languages depending on your mood. I know I have a predominant language of "anything is possible!" and "follow your dreams!" which can sometimes slip into "it's all too hard" or "who am I kidding?". I notice how much easier it is to stay speaking the first language when I surround myself with people, books and other material which speaks in that same way.
What languages do you surround yourself with? What languages do the people around you speak? What are the words and phrases - the messages - in the material you read, watch or listen to? When I worked in France, I sometimes dreamt in French; I was so immersed in the language that it became fluent and therefore part of my subconscious, and it's well known that this immersion technique is the most effective way of learning a new language. Bring to mind people who speak a different language from you in an area you find challenging. What words and phrases characterise their language? What's the impact on their lives when they speak this language? What would it be like for YOU to start speaking this language?
Inquiry: What 'language' do I most want to become fluent in?
Action: Make a list of all the most compelling ways for you to become fluent in this new 'language'. Maybe it's spending more time with inspirational people, going on courses, reading books or magazines, spending more time in silence, or using affirmations. Choose immersion techniques that feel right for you and commit to becoming fluent.
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