#37 - Caves

A couple of weeks ago, I lost my mojo. You know that feeling? Heavy, disconnected, walking around in a slump. It was only in retrospect, when I had got reconnected with myself, that I could look back and see the fog of the previous few days.

To bottom-line, something I'd planned tons for and had been really looking forward to didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Rather than allowing myself to feel my disappointment, I locked it away and got bitter. I bitched, I moaned, I made excuses. It was obviously all their fault that it hadn't worked out well. In my coaching, I spotted myself going along with my clients' limiting beliefs, inwardly agreeing that life was quite rubbish and that probably was 'just the way things were'.

What I really needed was to be in a cave, nursing my wounds. Allowing myself to swim in the disappointment and being compassionate with myself about how I felt - instead of putting on a false smile and seething inside.

How often we push ourselves out into the world, all armoured up, when really we're feeling hurt, insecure, rejected, let down. We drag ourselves through the days, pretending that everything is just fine and dandy, leaving a trail of negativity behind us. Some of us have been living in this land of armour for so long it feels normal. The cynical, jaded, complaining attitude that some people adapt as their default is a way of hiding, but it's not the nurturing 'anything goes, you're safe here' cave we actually need.

If we can create healthy caves for ourselves, where we can go and let it all out - all the anger, upset, envy etc - then we can go back out into the world authentically, open. We come to know that we have a way of being with the discomfort when it crops up again - and there is huge safety in that.

Inquiry: What is my version of a healthy 'cave'?

Action: Notice this week where you push yourself out into the world when really you want to be in a cave. Create a cave for yourself, however that looks for you - whether it's an hour in the bath, plugging into a walkman, going for a run, having a holiday, crying on your partner etc. Decide that every emotion will be allowed here, and then allow yourself to go there whenever you want some 'time out' to process the experiences of your life. Notice what's different about your 'out in the world' time as a result.