#23 - Mutiny

We say we're committed to something - say, losing weight - yet we see from our reality that we're actually committed to eating biscuits in front of the telly. It's like the captain is giving orders to go left but all the crew are in mutiny, steering the ship to the right.

We can get curious about this - here are two suggestions:

Get Curious #1: Who would be upset if you achieved success in this area?
If you've had the message from your parents all your life that rich people are selfish, you might notice that you block receiving money. Subconsciously, you don't want your parents to think you're selfish so even though you may say you want to be wealthy, the I-don't-want-my-parents-to-be-upset mutiny is going on beneath decks.

Get curious #2: What would you have to give up?
We may say we want a loving, intimate relationship but then notice ourselves sabotaging any attempts in this direction. What don't we want to give up? Our independence, maybe, or solidarity with our single friends? For me, I notice that I sabotage the completion of projects. I'm great at the idea-generating stage, get all excited about creative ventures, and then don't see them through. If I DID turn them into reality, I may well become quite rich and famous - and that would mean giving up the safety of relative anonymity, plus the image of being a scattered, creative hippie! Notice how what you find here might link with what you discovered in #1 - sometimes by achieving a goal, what we have to give up is someone's approval.

Identifying what we want is just one piece of the picture. That's the captain getting clear on destination. Identifying what parts of us don't want to go there is the other vital piece, otherwise we'll have a mutiny on our hands for sure.

Inquiry: If I were truly successful in this area, (a) who would be upset? (b) what would I need to give up?

Action: Start really going for what you want. Send that demo tape to the record company, ask that person out, submit that article. Notice where the resistance kicks in, notice the sabotaging self-talk, examine what the mutiny is really about.

#22 - Walk In The Park

I have a new routine. Every day before breakfast, I go for a walk around my neighbourhood. The cobwebs get blown away; I feel refreshed and prepared for the day. Most evenings after dinner, my partner and I do a circuit together as the sun is setting and the day is winding down. We get to process our days, smile at neighbours, simply connect.

This isn't an entirely new routine for me. In my early 20's, I spent a year travelling through Australia and New Zealand, moving from one youth hostel to another. Wherever I was, my alarm would go off at 6.30am and I would creep out of the hostel and into a new landscape. I watched the sun rise on lakes, mountains, farms, beaches and cities. I exchanged greetings with the locals and got to ponder peacefully before the world woke up. It set me up for the day.

In the years since returning to England, I'ved made excuses for why morning walks wouldn't be the same here: no oceans for a start. Yet I'm discovering that my neighbourhood has its own precious gifts. As I walk around, I hear birds, smell berries, feel the breeze on my skin. I notice things, I notice myself. All my senses wake up and I'm physically present to the changing seasons, in touch with my environment. I get to say hello to my neighbours and feel part of my community.

We humans have created a funny world of boxes - we can shut ourselves away in our houses and cars and offices and very rarely feel connected with anything greater than ourselves. When I'm in a 'boxy' place, I feel drained and unproductive. A walk is one of the quickest and easiest ways of sorting that out for me. I feel the buzz of human interaction, the world seems to expand, I feel energised and fully alive again. What does that for you?

Inquiry: What energises me?

Action: Pick an activity from your list of things which energise you. Turn it into a daily routine. Schedule it in, prepare any resources you need (CD in the stereo, ingredients in the fridge, trainers by the front door etc.) and commit to making it happen. Notice the impact on your energy levels and what impact that has on your day.

#21 - 101 Things To Do

Many of us, in the midst of a busy week, have complained: "I have 101 things to do!" I want to share with you a tool I've just come across that turns this idea into an inspirational project.

A fellow coach introduced me to Melanie Orndorff's blogsite: http://www.dailyguilt.com// Do check it out. The idea is that we make a list of 101 things we want to do, give ourselves the time-frame of 1,001 days and then - do them! The original idea isn't Melanie's but I love how she's posted her list online and is blogging her journey through the items.

What I love about this idea, as a coach, is that it's fundamentally about us living fulfilling lives where we actually DO the things we yearn to do. The format is more liberating than regular to-do lists, loaded as they normally are with 'shoulds'; this way it feels like a fun game we choose to play. And the time limit makes it more motivational than a 'things to do before I die' list. We know that in a little under 3 years, we will have read this book, been to that city, achieved 101 goals!

So, on my list I have mundane tasks which will give me a sense of satisfaction to cross off (#37 Get a mobile phone which actually works), idiosyncratic pleasures (#28 Alphabeticalise my CD collection), soul-warming activities (#27 Tell stories round a campfire) and ambitions that will pull me forward (#10 Be featured in a magazine). Some I know how to do, some will be a matter of grabbing opportunities as they show up, some the list will inspire me to make happen.

This is also a great tool to share. My partner and I are creating a joint list; we're also going to have a journal in which we keep an account of each action as we complete it, to capture the memories. This turns it into a project which is both forward-looking and reminiscent. And when the 1,001 days are up, we'll start a new one. I wonder how many we'll create in our lifetime together.

You can do this as a family, within an organisation, with house mates or in any other group dynamic. It creates connection and articulates a common vision, allowing a group to share dreams and experiences.

Inquiry: What have I always wanted to do?

Action: Make your own list. Include activities which stretch you, scare you, comfort you and inspire you. Notice the impact of creating this and how you feel about the future now that you're armed with this list. Then make one together with a group you're part of. Notice what impact this has on the prevailing mood of the group and how you interact together. When your lists are made, make a note of when the 1,001 days are up - and start getting into action.

#20 - Over To Your Heart

I've spent most of today embroiled in word warfare. I'm committing to a ridiculously exciting and ambitious project - namely taking coaching into schools, colleges & universities - and am at the stage of writing to key contacts in these places to introduce my work and what benefits it would have for their students. I've told myself it's CRUCIAL that I find the right words or I will never reach the young people I want to reach and so as I'm sure you can imagine, I've spent hours typing, deleting, printing, re-drafting and scowling at a computer screen. Not the most productive or 'coachy' state to be in!

I did an English degree, I trained and worked as an English teacher, I've helped countless people learn how to master words. I'm highly skilled at crafting phrases, sentences, even whole paragraphs to say exactly what I want them to say and do you know what? It's just not doing it for me. The more I craft, the further the words seem to be from what I actually feel and I feel increasingly fradulent.

So about thirty minutes ago I switched gear. I moved from my mind to my heart. I read back over my website and realised that the wording there comes very much from my heart. I loved reading it back and it feels so safe to read words which are filled with genuine love, passion, concern. And so I logged onto the Times Educational Supplement (TES) website, joined the forum of PSHE teachers there (who are responsible for personal, social & health education) and wrote to them in a very chatty, colloquial, from-the-heart place about the work I want to take into their schools. At one point, I even used the word 'hooray' and followed it with a exclamation mark.

Our minds can scare us stupid. They can tell us that we're irreconcilably separate from others and that we therefore need to be so careful about how we present ourselves if we want them to like us or think we're any good. And yet by trying to appear so clever, we can actually distance us from ourselves. We can read something we've written or hear something we've said and not recognise anything real behind it.

I'm delighted that I've posted on the TES forum in that way and I'm ready now to send a batch of letters to schools using the same heart-felt tone. I'm reminded of old Rose in the film 'Titanic' as she totters on the edge of the boat and drops the diamond into the sea below with a much amused, carefree 'oops'. She's letting go of what seems to be the right or intelligent thing to do and instead trusting that all will be well. What is YOUR diamond? What are you holding on to out of fear? What if you just let go and followed the realness of your heart?

Inquiry: What is it to come from my heart?

Action: Pick a situation where you notice you're always acting from your mind. Perhaps it's a meeting with a boss/colleague, an argument with your partner or an application letter. Notice how you would normally craft, defend or panic. Put your hand on your heart and feel how that super-connected energy of love and safety would handle this situation. Then let go of your metaphorical diamond and act from your heart, noticing the impact on you and others.