#64 - In The Detail

I'm in the middle of the longest Christmas I have ever known. Two family visits, a two-day extravaganza with my partner, and there are still days with family and friends to come. I am floating in absolute abundance and finding ways of appreciating it all.

There were twelve of us for my family Christmas and my beloved sister had the inspired idea of us all doing Secret Santa. Instead of the normal "she's a girl, she can have bubble bath" and "he's a teacher, he can have some red pens", we had to really engage with this person we were assigned. We knew that we had the sole responsibility for what they would receive which seemed to encourage us to zone in, cut the trimmings, and get them gifts we knew spoke to their core. We had a budget which meant love, attention and human creativity became the key resources. Many presents were home-made, including the one I received: a photo-slideshow and video, put to music, which had clearly taken hours of time, thought and skill. We sat together in a circle in the evening, the lights dimmed, as we all focused on each person in turn. There have never been so many smiles.

Then, my partner's family Christmas. Between us, we'd gratefully received hundreds of cards... and then the cards had gone up onto windowsills, become part of the background, soon to be recycled. My new tradition has become to make gift tags out of them. The hot tip for this is to find the smallest area of interest. As I zone in on the detail of each card, I'm amazed by the talent that has gone in to each one. The process of tagging pulls me in to the font, the palate, the use of glitter, ribbon or layering, the texture of each card. All this would have been lost to me if I didn't zone in, get close, really see what is there in front of me.

Most of us reading this live with incomprehensible abundance. Yet I suspect we often go blank to it because our brains try to take it all in at once and fail, leaving us thinking we don't have enough. When we zone in on the detail, we have less to appreciate, and so paradoxically appreciate more.

Here's a new motto for 2009: Slow down. Zoom in. Engage. So much is in the detail.

Wishing you a most joyful leap in to this new year. May it be all that you yearn for... and more.
C

Do Things Differently
1) Make a list of all the little things you appreciate about 2008. You might like to post to a blog like this one -
http://marionryan.typepad.com/appreciate2008/2008/11/what-do-i-want-you-to-do.html
- and remember to duplicate your comments here so Doing Things Differently readers can celebrate with you.
2) Go for a walk in nature and notice the detail with all your senses. The patterns of the frost on berries, the feel of the cold air on your cheek.
3) Make a big deal of a little thing. Thank someone for their otherwise negligible act of kindness.
4) Play with the power of one. Choose one pen, one CD, one pair of socks, one friend. Focus on just that, as if zoning in on a grain of sand, rather than trying to take in a whole beach. What changes?

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes

** Want to kick off the new year with some New Way Resolutions? This is an 8-part e-course which guides you through an effective process for making a shift in the new year. First issue out a week today, make a commitment to yourself to start as you mean to go on. Click here for more details and to book your copy - only £7.50. **

#63 - In The Darkness

This weekend was the darkest time of our year. Daylight was in short supply and it felt like happiness was too. Several of my loved ones are having a hard time at the moment. One friend is struggling with depression, another is recovering from a serious medical condition, a beloved family member hit "rock bottom". Facebook statuses seemed to be full of illness, sadness and ennui. The news as ever was full of doom and gloom and in my coaching work, I listened to clients dealing with deep loneliness, chronic lack of self-belief, frustration, despair and painful self-sabotage. The overwhelming feeling I had was that people are finding life hard right now.

Against this backdrop, a few relatively small challenges in my own life knocked me off balance. I watched a new video on peak oil which reiterated the severity of the challenges ahead with the billions of human lives that will be lost if we don't act with urgency. I heard back from the London Paper that they weren't going to run with my idea for a regular column and then three strangers unsubscribed from my ezine. The little self-doubting voice in my head put the two together and said: "People are suffering and maybe you've got nothing of value to offer them".

We all have crises of belief - whether in ourselves or the world. There are times when it all feels very scary, when life feels like the enemy. Depression has been familiar to me and to many of my loved ones. It is for these reasons that yesterday was so significant. The winter solstice is the darkest we go, the least light we have. It offers us a metaphor for how far we can go into the darkness before things start to turn around.

Because, of course, winter solstice is simultaneously the signal of the returning light. The promise of the dawn. Its message is that in the very darkest darkness, there is a glimmer of hope. It's understandable that early Christians chose this time of year to celebrate the birth of Jesus; this was the time of year already associated with the unconquerable light, a vitality that can never be destroyed, hope resurrecting when it feels like none is left.

Just as light returns to darkness, so acts of kindness bring light when we're feeling down or alone. For me, friends who'd spotted the London Paper 'rejection' sent heart-warming messages of encouragement; some beautiful people have signed up to receive my New Way Resolutions e-course, excited to have that support, and one added a message: "Yay for Corrina. In gratitude for sharing your passion". It's so beautiful when we reach out to acknowledge each other, even with only a handful of words.

In this dark time of year, may we all remember to reach out for others, reach out to others, and to be loving comforts for ourselves. May we know the importance of kindness and never underestimate the impact of a thoughtful word or generous deed. May we recognise how cold our world can be and commit to being a source of warmth. As Plato said, "Be kind... for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle".

May your holidays be full of peace, full of joy, and full of love.
Corrina

Do Things Differently
1) Take a walk in the fresh winter air and ask yourself: When there is despair, what is my hope?
2) Light a candle and reflect: In the darkness, what is my light?
3) What could you say, be or do today that would bring hope, light and warmth to another? Do it.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

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#62 - Light Up The Night

Something happened in 2008 which I continue to cry about. Even writing this blog post this morning, I'm sat here sobbing.

The issue is the passing of Proposition 8, an amendment to the Californian State Constitution to eliminate the rights of same-sex couples who want to marry. It's covered beautifully in this article by Brian Normoyle who informs us that this is the first time in America that an existing civil right has been taken away from a group of citizens and asks the (frightening) question: whose rights are next?

I've spent hours on YouTube watching footage relating to this issue, reading discussion boards, talking with my friends about this. What strikes me strongest is the immense outpouring of love which surrounds the Vote No To 8 campaign. Candlelit vigils, families protesting peacefully in the streets, posters which read: Love is the way. In this movement, I see people uniting together in love, regardless of sexual orientation, to stand up for the basic human right of being accepted for who we are.

I remember trying to find a Valentine's Day card the first year I was with Sam. I scanned the shelves and all I could see were men and women, male bears and female bears. Having spent the rest of my young adult life in relationships with men, I suddenly realised that it was different now - that there was a huge gap in how your love was received by the world, dependent purely on the gender of the person you fall in love with.

A few months later, I started working for a Cambridge organisation which provided support for young people who are lesbian, gay and bisexual. I encountered a community of inspirational teenagers who were climbing gently out into the light, done with hiding and self-loathing. I saw their struggles - with their schools, their families, their friends; I witnessed the bravery and strength it took them to say: "This is who I am". My work was sacred to me because it was about helping young people have an easier time of being themselves. It was about supporting them in finding profound self-acceptance that wouldn't be shaken by an often hateful world. Some of those young people were at our wedding in July. I don't think we can underestimate the impact of them seeing first-hand a love that they identify with being supported and acknowledged by friends, by family and by the law of this country.

On December 20th, there will be candlelit vigils across America (and beyond) to recognise the rights of same-sex couples who married and to look forward to the day when those rights will be available again for everyone. This time of year, whether you look at pagan or Christian origins, has always been about the unconquerable light in the darkness. As activist Anne Lamott writes: "Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come."

I see a dawn where people hear this message, from others' hearts to theirs:
You are okay. Your heart is true. You can follow it. We will support you in that.

Love is the way. Light up the night.

Do Things Differently
1) What do you want to join with others about? What is the issue of 2008 which touched your heart? What do you feel passionately about, what stirs you and motivates you to spread the word or do things differently?
2) Find out more about Proposition 8 if it's news to you. How do you feel about this issue? What does that tell you about what you value? And what do you want to do, to honour those values more completely?
3) On 20th December, light a candle to commemorate a human right that you hold to be sacred - either one which is now accepted, or one which is not yet granted to all people.

Extra - a beautiful song in response to the issue: United We Love

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes

#61 - Tighten Our Belts

I was the columnist in The London Paper last week, suggesting that the recession is a good thing. Readers vote on whether they want more of you... and 96% did. I also had many comments calling this point of view "refreshing" and "inspiring". In this, I hear a whispered hope for a move away from 'business as usual' to a more enjoyable and equitable way of running our economy.

At its best, this shake-up wake-up call will prompt us to re-prioritise and re-allocate resources. It will make us more aware of where we use money as an excuse to see ourselves as separate from others. Instead of this isolation, we will find ways of leaning in to human energy as our most precious resource and recognise our interdependence.

A great example of this is Liftshare - an organisation that works to bring about sustainable change by encouraging individuals to do things together. There are now 290,000+ people registered and several inspirational stories have emerged.

Sandra from Clacton-on-Sea started car-sharing as a way of saving petrol and impact on the environment and found that "two people who led separate lives have now become great friends, with all the benefits and opportunities that new friendships offer". They socialise regularly, found they had tons in common, and get to chat, laugh and sing along to 60s and 70s music on the way to and from work.

Similarly with Emma from Swindon, her initial motivations were financial and environmental and says "I have benefited in ways I never imagined, including socially. The company is great, we share ideas, and we exchange knowledge about the local area - where the best markets are, what's on at the theatre. As I know we have to rely on each other at a particular time of day, I'm much more efficient at work. I can no longer stay late to get things finished so I don't faff about any more, I just get it done.

And there are wider community benefits, as Clare from Herefordshire describes: "We also pick up and drop off a regular prescription for a friend who has retired and finds it difficult to get to the doctors".

With lifshare, we see the Triple Bottom Line of a solid, sustainable venture - intending to bring about economic, environmental and societal/inter-personal benefits through its activities. As we tighten our belts and make changes economically, perhaps we'll also tighten our belts as a community, finding afresh how fulfilling it is to need each other.

Do Things Differently
1) If you had one tenth of your current income, what would you do differently? Make a list. Then assess: in what ways would any of this be preferable? What could you gain as side-effects of these changes? Plato said "Necessity is the mother of invention". In which ways would your decreased income increase your creativity and innovation?
2) Now return to your current level of income - but keep those new ways in place. What would you do with all that extra money?? Which deeply fulfilling lifestyle benefits would all that abundance bring you?

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

NB The London Paper asked: "Can we build a fairer economy?" If you have something to say on the matter, email your thoughts to: talk@thelondonpaper.com And as always, I love to read your comments on this blog so do leave them here!

#60 - Power Of Community

I went to Tesco this morning. It's a rare occurrence but I wanted stamps and they're the nearest place open in the early hours.

As I walked over, the sun was rising and the birds were singing. I felt connected to my environment and as I approached the giant superstore, I had a flash of vision of it being something else. Instead of the concrete car-park, I saw community allotments. The trolley shelters were replaced by storage sheds for gardening tools. I heard children laughing in a playground and saw elders nattering away on benches, playing cards and watching the world go by. Inside the store, I pictured a bustling market place where people traded their wares and gossiped. Also inside were different zones - for example, one for live performances where a student band could play, or a solo performer pick up her guitar. Instead of scheduled, imported entertainment, this was spontaneous and continuous - sometimes music, sometimes comedy, always local. In place of all the advertising billboards, I saw noticeboards holding poems, announcements, requests for lift-shares. I saw a community centre - one where I felt I belonged and which was based on reciprocity and connection. Owned by and for the people in that area, to develop in whichever way they saw fit.

I didn't buy stamps. The Tesco kiosk department had lost their keys to the till. I waited 15 minutes as the team debated amongst themselves - someone else's fault, someone else's money, someone else's store.

Last week, here in Cambridge, we had a public screening of the film documentary The Power Of Community: How Cuba Survived Peak Oil. This depicts a society which is forced to adapt its infrastructure when it can no longer rely on a constant supply of oil and food. It gives a case study of how people change, re-prioritise and re-allocate their resources in order to feed, house, educate and entertain themselves. I had the honour of introducing this film, hosted by Transition Cambridge. The event was a complete sell-out - we were moved to a bigger screen and even then a hundred people were turned away. I looked out at the sea of 150 expectant faces and saw a community of people choosing to come together to be inspired. In the Q&A session at the end, we all witnessed a cinema full of expertise, with people reflecting on how peak oil will affect Cambridge - offering practical solutions, committing to taking action.

At the moment, the piece of land near my house is host to a Tesco store because that's what the community wants. We are the community and the power is with us. If we wanted it to be used for another purpose, we could choose that. I wonder what we would choose.

Do Things Differently
1) This week, notice what sense of community you have. Is there somewhere particular where people gather? How large or small do you feel your own community to be?
2) Put your attention on your local High Street or a particular building. If you believed your community were really able to have ownership of that, what would you love it to be like?
3) Ask your neighbours or whoever you feel in community with - what would they like to see? Notice where you have a shared vision and start a conversation about what the first steps could be.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008