#55 - Making Meaning

Our car broke down on the way to our family holiday. I’m not a great fan of driving, get scared when mechanical things break, and so freaked out somewhat. We had a boot full of stuff, a brother waiting en-route for a pick-up, and I found myself having a good desperate cry.

Then in to my mind, came a question: What do I want this to mean? I’d heard this question from a fellow coach who used it to find meaning in a personal tragedy. With regards this relatively insignificant event, it flipped a switch in my mind immediately. It changed the direction of my thoughts, reminding me that we get to choose the meaning we assign to any event.

Opening to that question turned the experience in to an adventure. Coming out of my closed, anxious state, I went and spoke to the manager of the petrol station; his name was Star and he was, helping push our car to the side of the forecourt and offering us free tea and coffee with a warm smile. We had brief, friendly connections withother drivers who pulled alongside us, asking if we needed help.

I was nervous as I phoned our breakdown recovery service as we'd recently switched from a more well-known provider. We chose the ETA (Environmental Transport Association) because they campaign for sustainable transport, promote car-free days, and extol the benefits of cycling... but when it came to the crunch, how would they fare on the service that we were actually paying for?

Well... the recovery vehicle was with us in 40 minutes (much quicker than the last organisation). The mechanic, Shaun, was extremely helpful and patient, talking us through the process, giving us options, allowing us as much time as we needed to weigh up costs and make our decision. He was passionate about his work and was able to fix the car so that we could continue our journey. He even phoned a few hours later to check everything was still okay.

By the time we were on the road again, we were even cheerier than we'd been at the start of the journey, full of respect for good people doing good work. The choice was to see this occurrence as an opportunity to connect with people we wouldn't normally be in contact with and acknowledge them for their superlative work. It became a chance to experience first-hand whether our ethical breakdown cover was any good in practice, which has given me the opportunity to promote it here to hundreds of people. It was also a timely reminder that we are always meaning-makers, not the passive victims of life's circumstances.

Do Things Differently

This week, catch yourself responding to challenges. Notice your default - the stories you tell yourself about what's happening, and then interrupt yourself with this question: What do I want this to mean? No matter how big or small the challenge, decide what interpretation you want to give it. Notice what it’s like to consciously choose your perspective and therefore the response you have – both in how you feel and the actions you take.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

** Choosing the meaning you assign to events is an integral part of the one-to-one coaching journey. To find out what difference this could make to you, simply register for a free consultation **

If you join the ETA and quote my membership number - -10208853 - you'll receive 3 months breakdown cover for free. You'll be helping fund ETA's sustainable travel campaigning as well as funding projects such as re-planting rainforests & providing energy-saving lightbulbs to small communities in the developing world. Call now 0800 212 810 or visit www.eta.co.uk

#54 - Space To Connect

Last weekend, I assisted with the first module of the Coach Training Institute programme. I've assisted a dozen times, in addition to participating in these modules myself, and was as ever inspired to witness a group of complete strangers connect within the first twenty minutes of knowing each other. There's something about the masterful design of this course which cuts straight to the heart of who we are and forms that deep bond.

Similarly, this weekend I ran my Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop with a small group of gorgeous people. Again, I saw that same connection formed. The diversity is huge - some are parents, some are teenagers; some are in relationships, some are not; some run their own businesses, some are employed, some are students, some are retired. The range of age, gender, sexuality, family situation, career choice, wealth and geographical location is wide. And yet as soon as you start asking questions such as: What are you scared of? What are your dreams? we find ourselves on common ground. Yes, the differences are still there - we fear different things, we yearn for different things. Yet we all dream and we are all blocked by something.

The more I run workshops, the more I know that it's not the specific exercises or me as a facilitator that the participants are learning from. It's the SPACE which these 'particles' make possible which allows the meaningful conversations and insights. The magic is happening where human beings hear each other, see each other, and feel seen and heard and understood in return.

I've always sought out these spaces, where people can connect at a level where things matter most. When I lived in London, I went regularly to Alternatives and loved the opening exercise where we were invited to talk to the person either side of us, finding out who they were and why they were there. I've been dancing the Five Rhythms for several years, feeling so at home in that space where words are not needed and we can connect through our energy and communicate through our bodies. I love spaces which are created to connect with the seasons and the moon's cycles, like Katie Rose's Full Moon chanting groups.

These meetings and connections are so precious and so needed. Let's support, welcome, and create more of these spaces.

Do Things Differently
This week, seek out spaces where you can connect. What qualities make these spaces possible? What are your favourites - do they involve words, sound, movement? Are they in-person or virtual? Notice where you feel most at home, most seen, most alive. Comment here to share them with us. AND... create your own! How do YOU create a space which allows people to connect? You might throw a pot-luck dinner to celebrate the harvest - have people connect from their hunger and their satisfaction. You might invite a few people to form an intimate discussion group where 'dark and scary' topics can be spoken about (link in to Hallowe'en?) What do people need and want to connect about? How can you help them? Notice where your abilities meet others' needs.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes

** Next date for my Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop: Sat 7th February 2009. Booking now open If you're interested in being part of this and can't make 7th Feb, just drop me a line and I'll let you know when the next date is released. **

#53 - Get Into Pairs

I'm delighted to be showcasing one of my favourite ever ventures: Morsbags. The story is - an inspirational young woman named Claire Morsman realised the devastating impact of plastic bags on marine animals. Rather than starting a campaign to stop people using plastic bags, she decided to create an alternative and came up with 'social guerilla bagging'. This involves groups of people getting together with a few sewing machines to turn recycled material into beautiful, useful bags and then distributing these outside supermarkets etc. Not only has she created a proactive solution to a problem, she's inspired people to connect and get creative - and ultimately become more alive and involved in their world.

I first made a bag at an event several months ago where Claire was guiding people through the process. I can't tell you how proud I am of that bag - if you see me in person, ask me to show it to you as I carry it everywhere I go. Apparently that one bag will save me using about 80 plastic bags and it's immensely satisfying to refuse a bag and put shopping in my home-made one instead. We managed to acquire a sewing machine via my father-in-law's colleague, my grandma visited to teach me how to use the machine, and then a friend and I got together to start a little creative pod here in Cambridge.

On her website, Claire has paired up a Sad Fact (over 1 million plastic bags are consumed per minute globally) with a Happy Fact (making morsbags will help immediately). We can see this problem/solution match being true for so many aspects of this venture:

Sad fact: Old sewing machines are sitting around gathering dust
Happy fact: This project is inspiring new generations to learn old skills and perhaps reconnect with our society's elders

Sad fact: People feel isolated
Happy fact: This is an excuse to get together with existing friends, make new friends and feel part of a community

Sad fact: People feel bored and sit in front of the TV all evening
Happy fact: Here's a way of spending time creatively, doing something enjoyable and unusual

Sad fact: People feel useless and unimportant
Happy fact: We can start seeing ourselves as needed, useful, able to make a difference

With this kind of inspirational project, we are powerfully matching up needs and solutions. This is what any business venture is meant to be about - using our genius to come up with win-win ways forward. Rather than simply 'what does the world need?' and 'how do we NEED to solve it?' - let's ask: What does the world need and how would I LOVE to offer a solution?

Do Things Differently
List the things that you feel most sad/angry/frustrated about in the world. Now list activities you would LOVE doing which would offer solutions. Then: What's the first step? What could you do right NOW - literally, in the next five minutes? Notice what it's like to be the solution. I invite you to share your thoughts as comments on this blog - to inspire others and create some momentum for yourself to get into action.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008

NB The idea of the world needing our passion is at the heart of the work I do with each coaching client - helping her connect with that passion and get in to sustained action to create an inspirational venture. To book a consultation to explore how you might benefit from this support, simply click here.

#52 - Too Much Happiness

I was recently asked: "Have you ever had your heart broken?" I was in a group and the vast majority said "yes". I think the question was asked to show that we're all human and we all have the same experiences, so for the few of us who said "no", it was almost as if we were missing something. We were less human - we hadn't lived enough, we hadn't felt deeply enough.

Last night, in the final installment of the BBC adaptation of Tess of the D'Urbervilles, we watched a happy ending whisper its possibility and then disappear, as is fitting of such a solid Hardy tragedy. In one of the final scenes of the story, our main character - Tess - seems relieved to know that her short-lived joy is coming to an end, saying: "This happiness could not have lasted. It was too much". We see this too-familiar perspective on happiness - that it's temporary at best, dangerous at worst.

I wonder about how much we fear happiness, how we hide from it, get embarrassed about it. It's as if great happiness puts us out there on a limb - exposed and unusual. We know what happens to tall poppies, swaying blissfully in the wind. Happiness can be isolating; it can provoke our primal fears of rejection and abandonment. Maybe we hold back from too much happiness because we don't know what will happen out there, if we don't conform to the cultural default of resigned mundanity, grumbles and misfortune. Unhappiness is safer, somehow - there's less to lose. Perhaps it's unbearable to experience too much happiness and risk it falling away?

Do Things Differently
I challenge you to a week of too much happiness. How happy do you dare get? Notice when you repress your joy, your bliss; notice when it feels safer to say you're "okay" or "not bad" rather than "really really happy, thanks". Notice also WHY it feels safer - what are you trying to avoid? Every time someone asks how you are, choose to express the happiest version of you - with authenticity. Create a new cultural default - and notice the reaction from your friends, family and colleagues.
(Added challenge for Facebook users: have a week of updating your status to express the happiest version of how you're feeling and what you're doing. See if you get any interesting comments!)