Recently, I was invited back to my old secondary school. It's been over a decade since I left yet walking the corridors still evoked powerful emotions. The pride of achievement, a deep loneliness, the sparkle of mischief.I wasn't there to talk about the rollercoaster of teen life, however. I was there to speak at their Careers Convention about enterprise - or more specifically, How To Start A Business By Accident. I had a scheduled speaking slot and also a consultation table where a short queue developed. Students and their parents sat down expectantly, wondering what this world of enterprise might hold for them.
One story in particular had a big impact on me. A mother and daughter joined me and I asked the girl, "So, what are you interested in?" She looked down and shrugged nervously, "I don't know". It was quite late in the evening and she'd clearly been to table after table, gathering information on careers in engineering, accountancy, law etc. I ascertained that she was in Year 8 (a.k.a 12 or 13 years old) and so qualified the question with a smile: "I don't mean what you're interested in later, I mean now." She still looked bewildered until her mum whispered to her: "You like dancing, don't you?" Suddenly, the girl lit up. "Wow!" I said. "What do you love about dancing?" A different person answered me - a lively, confident, excited young woman who seemed energised just by the thought of being on stage. "It sounds like you feel at home there", I said. She nodded enthusiastically. Whereas before she'd avoided eye contact, she now couldn't take her eyes off me. Her mum looked a little anxious and informed me: "Yes, but I've told her it's a very competitive field and she should pursue something else as a career and do dancing as a hobby". The girl's head fell again and she nodded compliantly.
Why? Why do we sell our dreams away so easily? The sadness I feel at a story like this is my constant inspiration to keep doing what I do. Any time someone calls me 'naive' or an 'idealist', I tell them of the so many people I know who are fully living their dreams. Whose passions got them through the challenges of competition, whose drive kept them going through any obstacles in their way. This is realism and it's time teenagers - and indeed all of us - really get that life is just too short to do anything other than what brings us fully alive.
People aren't meant to know at age 12 or 13 what they want to do for a career. They are meant to have their passions nurtured, they are meant to feel that they are valid, important, significant human beings - right now, as they are in these moments. They are meant to be encouraged to fill their lives with as much joy as possible, trusting that the path of their heart will continually lead them through a fulfilling life. They are certainly not meant to sell their dreams away before they've even fully formed.
This is the perspective I offered that girl and her mum - who herself had spent the last 30 years doing work she didn't care about. I hope it awakened something in them both.
And yes, if you're wondering - that photo is me at age 13.
Do Things Differently
1) Connect with the 13 year old you. What did you dream of? What could you spend hours and hours engrossed in? Where or what felt most like 'home'?
2) What happened to those dreams? Were they supported, strengthened and explored? Did they die of their own accord, replaced by more powerful dreams? Or were they sold away?
3) Give your 13 year old self an hour to do what she wants. Does she play guitar, help at an animal sanctuary, develop a computer programme? Given that your adult self could now turn your passions into the basis for work, what of your working life might you like to do differently?
4) Extra: You might like to listen to Pink's Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self
(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2008
* * Just a few days until the launch of my A Business Called You workshop. You can listen to a very short description of this here:
If your 13 year old self would like to join us in exploring the dream of having your own business, leave your email here and the booking administrator will contact you to reserve your place. Do leave your details even if you can't make this Saturday and I will let you know when it runs again * *
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